The Video Sampler

3.14.2006

Empty Walks

March 14, 2006 Tuesday 2:21 AM
I keep clicking on the google news. I keep reading the article and
watching new ones come in thinking they are going to change.
I keep thinking the news is some how going to get better.... it's
not. So I'd better stop clicking.

I perfer the 3rd Harry Potter movie the most. I like their use
of time travel and thought it was the most well done useage of
time travel with in a movie. Bravo.

====Someting I wrote earlier=====
FeedBacks Best Effects
You know what I realized?
If you were to go back many many years ago and tell
them that in the future there will be devices
capable of capturing a bit of reality as it happens
than allow anyone to play it back at any later point
in time they would be truly astonished. 
Why aren't we?

It's so common that the full impact is masked from you.
The magic of the thing is hidden by the clumsy and 
common display of the technology everywhere we look.

I can see myself doing things later. I can allow my mind
to experience the event, the memory and then re experience
a portion of it again. Not only may I posses the memory
but also a record of me watching that memory unfold once
more. 

Soon the record becomes a part of the life that is lived. 
Feedback has a funny way of affecting things. I should
know this because I've become almost obsessed with it though
I can not rationally explain why. Maybe it is because I 
spent so much time believing my own gibberish about keeping
track of ones life and how that is suppose to have a 
special quantifiable meaning. I kept thinking that once it's
stuck there in some form it can be counted and registered.
If for no other reason that the fact that one of the most relaxing
momments of my day is when I sit down and pour it onto the 
screen.

We forget so much in our lives that unless we begin to keep
track we lose the very precious thing we thought we had.
Even if you thought you remembered a lot the only way to prove
you do is to record and compare with your own memory.

The records are the key to change. This belief rests firmly
on the assumption that change requires a clear vision of 
where you once where in order for you to establish a strategy
for the future. I know this because as I have written and worked
and re worked ideas and actitives I have changed. And I know
because I can see this change. I see myself evolve and adapted
to fit the new conditions presented to me. But most of all, I see
the vast shift between what I once was and what I am to become. 
[...not finished...]

=================================
I got a bloody nose earlier. Hadn't had that in a while I guess
that all that pain earlier had something to do with it.

almost forogt I ahve to e mail coffee.
...
i ussed to resent using all these internet resources but now I see
their full purpose in my life.


1:27 PM Tuesday 
I get a bit edgy when I spend all this time researching to create 
something. I'm speaking of a program. I feel like I have other 
things to do. But that's a laugh. I happen to have a lot of time..
but I still do not understand why I feel impatient. If there
is one thing I I've learned it's that patenience gets stuff done.
Staying on board even after the program keeps locking up and 
still attempting to fix things is the only way to be accomplished.

I awoke thinking again about all the things I could do. Not so 
much as yesterday but still a bit. It seems to be the trend when
I first wake up on a day off. I see days off as more as testing
beds for what I'll do once school bleeds away into the past and 
I'm fully in control of my own schedule. 

I laid there thinking of using some code from GNUcash for my 
accounting software then I would just build my own interface
with the graphical ideas I had. And I thought if I get a bit
more familiar with the graphics API in Mac OS X Cocoa (like
I did once before) I can attempt that triangle thing. Maybe
even demonstrate the interface between Python and Cocoa.
Pipe dreams? Maybe. 

I don't know how motivated I am... I think there is much more of
a chance that I will test that Blender Project idea I have.
It involves blending one movie clip into another and I just
know it would work so demonstrating it to myself doesn't do much.

I have a thing where I spend time making movies but after the fact
I realize that although I feel accomplished the movies aren't 
getting me closer to anything. I see that there are other measures
of productivity that might pay off more. That might mean that I
need to change the kind of movie I produce. ie Blender Instructional
Videos. In some moments I scald myself for not starting sooner but
quickly realize that had I done that my skills wouldn't have been
as good, it would have been the wrong version of Blender, and
I won't have the same capturing ability. Also, I've only begun
to build the reflexes I need to keep things steadily developing.

6:44 PM e mail from KJ
So I was talking to Rosie the other day, and she asked me
something, and I paused to put my elbow on the table
behind me and lean on it, at which point Rosie exclaimed,
"That was so Chris. Did you mean to do that? Because that
was such a Chris move."

I had no idea I was acting like you. But I was very
amused, and I thought you might be also.

How's your Spring Break? We should hang out on Thursday.
KJ Coop

---
I just got back from Ellies place and visiting the info desk.
Shirine wasn't there yet so if I need a break later I know
where I could walk to. 

I didn't get any photos of Lacy while I returned the movies.
I know she doesn't like that.... least I think I recall her
saying that. I didn't want to ask for any anyway.

...
part of what I did at ellies place was search and destroy
ants. Ah I remember now... after riding down to Lacy's place
I rode back and found all these teenages hanging about near
the small junk yard. First there was this littel boy riding
around on a bike and I turned around to find that he wasn't
alone because there was this car full of teenages just parked
10 feet away from me. 
I decided I'd better get out of there.... more were coming
down the hill on bikes. This was the street Mandi lives on
and as I rode past I spoted Sebastion the cat and a dog
in a nearby car staring each other down. I wanted to get a picture
but I was scared off when someone came to the door. 

Ellie and Stephaine made me dinner. I enjoyed the company and Ellie
and I went to the store together I sang most of the way back just 
happy to be out and about with friends. 

She had bought DuckTales episodes which we watched while
dinner was cooking. 

.......


Arguments Delayed Till Later
I spoke to someone this night. And what they said
invoked anger within me. I noticed that I do not
speak up in these sorts of situations. I didn't
feel I could make  a strong case for my argument.
So, I put it off till later I suppose. Rather than 
speaking to the person I could unwrap the issue
at a later date inside of some textual form.
That is always better for me.

Junk Food
There are many kinds of foods.
Junk food. Gourmet. Stuff that's good for you.
There are many kinds of movies.
Comedy, Romance, Educational, movies that are good for you...
 and then there's junk food.

Empty Walks
When you walk out and there is no one whom cares.
When you walk out and you realize you have just
changed the location of your aloneness. 
A walk that forces one to look closer at your self
and either rise or fall with your own emotion.


If I had or will keep track for long enough.
I could watch my life unwind through times of abundant
social activity to the lulls. 
I can watch as projects begin and end.
I could watch something while I lay on my death bed.
I can comment upon the past as though it's a show
playing for my future self. 

I realize that not many people have a buy in to watch
the blog as it unfolds. Unless I began to post more
beneficial stuff for everyone it stays sort of dead 
I suppose. The way I always say autobiographies 
exist because someone thought they had something to 
offer the rest of the world. What message do I have?
Somewhere in me I feel I have something to say, something
of worth... eventually it will come out. 

Please don't call it a reality series because autobiographies
have been around for a lot longer. Reality Shows? 

Experiments with Ciphering.
I know that if I wrote and posted sensitive text it can have
an impact on the people I interact with in my life.
But I want to be able to put more down and not fear the 
consequences of the fact it's public. 
I assessed as I walked back in the cloudy moonlight that
the material could only really effect my life during
the time period in which I interact with the subjects
of question. So, what if I wrote all of it, and ciphered
the stuff I wasn't ready to present to the world.
That way, I could prevent the journal from affecting
my life in the present and at some later point 
reveal/roll back all the facts in full.
Cipher. I was working on that sort of thing a while back. I believe
I showed a screen shot. 

Funny is funny no matter whom presents it.

What makes me feel so guilty while watching a movie?
Is it that I could be doing something better?
How does this situation differ from class time.

Breaks? The class time is replaced with movie time.
Given that.. 21 hours of a regular week is taken by class
and add more for walking back and forth to classes. 
That brings it down to.. 14 average length movies. 90 min
Some prob more... 
so I've watched... mmm definitely not that many.

The Tricky turnover of Time
How best do I handle the fact that I often have to 
write about the previous day in the wee hours of
the next day. What time shall I label the entry?
Rountinly I've picked 11:59 PM The last minate before
the end of that day. It would be better if I could 
select a marker for the fact this was written on the next
day but it's about the previous. Late entry?

you don't want to be in the picture because you look bad?
No way. Even if you did look bad than there just isn't enough
pixels to convey it. No one gets this. I'm going to have to
drive the point home someday.

Breaks tend to have longer entries. Figures.
Right were there was that gang of teenagers there is this rusting equipment. Mandies house is nearby. Ellie's place is not that far from here ethier. I like to take a short cut through this new houseing development zone. I also like to not look where I'm going. Don't worry they're empty streets and I'm wearing that helment. It would be funny to get me crashing on tape. ... ugh. Biking with one hand while filming. Not recommened behavior. Ellie fixes the TV so that we can watch DuckTales. It had been a while since I had seen DuckTales. I associate strongly with Scrooge McDuck. I got to stay for dinner. They are so kind. If you know a lot friends than you can keep eating for free. Yes. When I'm sad the thing to do is play piano. I like to touch on the lower notes when I feel this way. It cheered me up. Low on the Keys The trick to getting to use photos is to keep the people in them unreconizable. Kim. It is Kim. Have not seen her in a long long time.

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