The Video Sampler


March 16, 2006 Thursday

March 16, 2006 Thursday 7:13 PM
May a well start out by talking about the UnNap.
I was tired. But tiredness can mean different things.
I do not believe my lack of energy was from lack of sleep.
Nor do I believe it a result of boredom. 
I do think, once I have this who complex built up where I 
have to be doing something or else things are not good,
I do think that causes undue stress which ultimately takes
it's toll on my mind and body. 

As I layed down. I noted it wasn't sleep that was over taking
me but ideas. I was thinking hard. I was thinking about many 
many things and I have no hope of recalling them here.
Just to know that so much can go on in this unNap. 
If anyone had witnessed this small feat they would have
assumed that person is just lazy and asleep. But it was 
quite the opposite. While my nerves and mind turned away
from the average ordinary physical realm of active
motion. I journeyed about through ideas of past adn present.
I let images flow about wondering about their content.
It was more of a meditative sort of thinking. I'm not 
used to it in this way. 
There were old memories flashing back. And then longings
for things that never will be. There were thoughts of
'am I watching this? or thinking this?' 

I get this sktrachy feeling now. It's not a physcial thing,
It's more a scratchy nawwing at my soul sort of feeling.
I notice it when parts of me want to be acheving while
other parts seem to be dragging by. Feeling like being 
torn in to directions. That's how it feels for me a lot 
off these days.

I remember when it wasn't like this. I remember when I was
so much happier. I remember a life with out all this dread. 
Will I ever get back to that life?

7:19 PM

7:29 PM
Loss of excitment was part of the distractin issue. I think.

7:57 PM
My prospects for equation animation look extraordinarily grim.
It's a painful process.
8:13 PM
What are my options? Film the writing of. Frame by frame hand
animation. 3D lettering. ... writing my own program for animating
the equations. .... The tediousness is just uncanny. I really
don't want to try animating. Maybe I should reevaluate the usefulness
of the thing. 
~ technically written on the next day ~

Well, I walked back in. Wanting to avoid certain trudgeries
lead me out into the cold. Which wasn't as cold as it once was.
It was semi clear about with stars and clouds together in the night
sky. Walking is benefical in many ways. Mostly for me it helps
a transition to occur in my  mind. I was feeling contained I guess.
I wanted to be more free. 

I walked to Ellies place after hearing there were things going on 
there. But those things were canceled as I found at upon arrival. 
Poor Ellie. Many of her things have been cancelled this break. 
I left there and visited the info desk. Kim was working. More
like killing time with Virtual Monopoly. I hung about and watched
the Daily Show when it came on. Then read this book about 
helping people with people problems. I decided I should go look
up social intelligence when I got back. Instead I began typing 
this. I have a feeling that being able to replay the events of my
life that lead me to become who I am today might help the whole
social intelligent thing. Just a thought. 

If anything else it would help me to write better stories. 
If only I could fill myself in on that social knowledge that I lack.
I could write the realism into things. 

I once thought of this hook to begin a story with...

"I left the hospital not because I was better, but because I had
a few last things to do"

Hospital? Is he sick? Sounds like he's dying. What does he have
to do? The audience puts themselves in his place momentarily and
then their hooked. 

I took no pictures. I was about but decided not to. It made me 
think about why and what I take pictures off.

I thought about why and when I made decisions. The simple ones 
about when to get up to go somewhere. Why this second and not the next
second? What changed in my brain? 

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