The Video Sampler

4.22.2006

Kassay's Last Day

April 22 2006 Saturday Kassay's Last Day


I don't know why but I got the idea for 
a bracelet (like the Designated driver bracelet)
but instead of saying Designated driver it says
Designated Liar.

That was while I was over at Joy's place while Kassie
was still visiting. ....
Is it a loss that thinking that I will post these writings
prohibits me from explaining the full range of thoughts and 
feelings? I really need a second Secret Journal if I have
lost so much touch with the very core of why keeping a journal
can be therapeutic. I feel that lately I haven't been writing
in part because lots has happened BUT more like what has happened
I won't put down for the world to read. But shouldn't be place
somewhere anyway? 
I think I want to remember what really happened and not the
gleaned over public stuff. I already kept a journal for the longest
time in which I only vaguely skirted issues when things
came up. In order to not give anything away. ... Those
days have got to end so I must make preparations.


They called me, Joy and K, moments before they were picking me
up to take me to the movies. I didn't know they meant the one's
in Eureka. I wasn't feeling as well as I would have liked which 
is why I hesitated to say yes. That would have been bad 
considering they were just blocks away when they called.
It's been a very special time these past days.
Meeting a new friend and watching Joy act a bit more like
a parent was intriguing. 

While at the movie I thought to myself....

You know that guy at the movies that keeps coughing annoyingly?
I was that guy this time.

It's a bad feeling.

I tried not to but every time I would laugh.. dag.. whatever.
I noticed I'm very tired right now. It's been a big couple
of days. It wore me out I suppose. That's part of the reason
I knew I had to come back here. I need to sleep well tonight.

More and more people are hearing about the blog but they all
think it's chrisworld.com or something. I need to have biz
cards with the name on it. I have cards stock so I thought I could
whip something up today. Also, I find people are most interested
if they know or heard that a picture of them is up. Then they 
go and check it out. ... I'll keep that in mind. 
The whole fact if people know a part of them is somewhere they
remember it and might tell others. Clever.

It's clear tonight. The stars are out. It's good considering
it rained for a very very long time a lot of the time before.

.... I had to say good bye to Kass tonight. (Joy's semi Relative)
It was a gentle sadness that came over. Actually it was hard to 
be around them both earlier on because I could see they both
really really didn't want to leave each other. A tear rolled
down Kassies face. Joy was about to cry but she changed the subject
to something else. I noted the heartfelt ness of the situation.
It struck me. The compassion and I was proud to know this new
person so I was tearing up a bit as well. Aw Kass.

I walked up slowly. But fast enough to out run the cold. I thought
about things. The way things are. I noted the sadness in people.
I wished things could be better for them. 

I looked up one final time before I walk in my door the way
I always do on clear starry nights and with that final glance
out into the universe I stepped back in my warm (or soon to be )
warm sanctuary from reality. 

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