The Video Sampler


47 47

July 31, 2006 Monday 1:08 AM 47 47

== replay to Louis =======

Thank you for the full explanation,
I appreciate getting the prespective on things.
I think I agree with a lot of it.

I think people act turned off because when the want
to hang out they want to have fun and kick back.

I note over and over again that I've choosen to be
more passive in showing people stuff. By that I mean
make movies about what I know and anyone whom
comes accross them can benefit or not however
much they want to. 

This prevents me 'being in their face' 
When things go bad I tend to recluse or leave.

I used to think more while I was aroudn people and now
I just try and relax a bit and enjoy the time I have.

Relax? I know that once I pass a certain threshold
I'll be able to relax take a real vacation. It happens
to be that finacial stability threshold.

I have sort of a love hate relationship with humanity.
I care but I still get up set with the way things go. 
So I'm always at ends saying , "Man if I could just get
away" and other times longing to be around. 

Yeah, thanks again for the message.


And thanks for reading.

9:35 PM
Interesting Turns.

And I visit Liz after class and it's normal right?
But then someone named Edonna or so walks in and
it turns it she is interested in a 'room' at D street.
And so I tag along while Liz the girls parents and I
walk to D street in the middle of the day.

They see the place and they don't particulariy sound impressed,
but the girl is desperate to find a place. 
I hang around at the house for the rest of the time and wind 
up taking a nap upstairs. I was really tired and did not feel
like walking all the way home. So, I awoke an hour later
on Kristinas bed and when I open the door I find her talking
to Linda. 

As I walk home around 9ish I bump into Sadie and Emily as they
are walking to Maries. Now that they live in a place past mine
I guess we bump into each other now. How funny.

I wish I had more of those cards with the url printed on them.
I realize how moving into an 'iffy' place where the person
doesn't know the people and it seems like they are all 'not the
right kind' can look at first glance. 

I realize how useful a whole bunch of web movies about the people 
could be in situations like this. It would at least convey whom
they are what stories have been going on and other useful tid bits
of living info. Movie to that effect woudl probabily ease the uneasiy
about moving into a strange new town and school and place.

Oh well.

"Is is so wrong to not post a movie because you were having so much fun while out with friends?"

.... 47 47 and there I was. Again sitting with a pad of paper in front of me and I had just figured out a pattern of numbers. And got the correct answer rather quickly for once. Well all be. It really helps the confidence to pull of little feats like those more regularly. The answer that proved my solution correct was 47. I got 47 on one equation and 47 from the other. Vola. it looks like I won't be creating a movie for tonight. I spent so much of my time away I decided it's best to just take care of academic matters study a bit and get to bed. It's the right thing to do after all. I sincerely hope that the site hit counts do not soully depend on the movie data I add to the page. It's about time to update the template to add imagery. maybe that's a better thing to do in the end.

Things that Happened the Other day

Starfish cuts pizzia college style. I set up the table on the floor after the D Street table was removed. Sometimes it's best to sit out and take a moment to watch the world go by. Besides, I never miss a moment to capture a against a bright window shot.


A Story of Stability M:July Rewound

July 30, 2006 Sunday 1:31 PM A Story of Stability M:July Rewound

July Rewound

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Well, I lived through the month of July 2006. What happened during that time?
I almost wanted to get up. I was thinking so hard about it. Not because it was complicated but because it meant something to me. 1 = .999999... -> infinity usually represented with a bar over the 9 but I can't seem to find that bar button right now. It's true. 1 is indeed equal to that. And I take it to mean that the Limit as x approaches 1 is 1. I thought of it more like a demonstration of why we can say that the limit as something gets really close to a number we call it that number. It looks like a paradox at first but I'd take it to really be true. If it wasn't.. how would limits work? A Story of Stability
I recall events on my quest to verify my stability equation.
I finally managed to validate my Energy tipping equation last night. I sort of got home and picked it up and get working the equations over and finally while I was standing in the shower during a break I realized the answer. It's hard for me to remember all the pieces of the story. It began nearly a year ago when I got the idea for the Stability equations and Tipping Energy. And I wrote it on my mirror. And it had been their ever since. I spoke of them in a movie while I waved my hand toward the mirror and that's when I picked up the idea again. In all this time I had not 'proved' the fact. I had just sort of 'known' it was true because that's the way things should work. From time to time I sort of write down equations that I just sort of 'know' to be true. The "Moving Equation" the "Hair Cut Equation" and this one.... only last night I finally managed to prove it. But I didn't start re working things over until perhaps this past Friday while I was siting out on a bench waiting for someone to get off work. I sat down to eat my sandwich and the nagging idea crept back into my skull. "I have still not proved that equation" I thought to myself. And so, with this 1 hour before my friend would leave work, I scribbled and scrawled sketches of equations and ideas. I remembered how I had lamented to Liz at her work place how I couldn't figure out how to prove this one thing that I just 'knew' was true. I recall sitting in a chair in front of her desk and madly trying to find out how to prove this wonderfully simple idea I had. The ways to prove things skipped through my head. Assume something true and show contradiction. No, that wasn't working out. Solve for one example than try to generalize? Mmmm not so good. I made many many mistakes which didn't help my attempts to prove this thing. I draw little squares on their sides and on their corners. Nothing was helping... I can't even recap the whole story. I've always wanted to, but recalling and transforming a mathematics story is tough stuff. Especially, if I want people to understand it. The prerequisite are far to great. And so I sat there with my note book in front of me, a calculator by my side and a drink I was sipping while staring off into the sunniness of the day. "It would feel so great if I could just prove this before I met with her" And alas no luck came and I had to put the note pad away and tend to academic matters with the newly off work person. The rest of the day was full of social interaction so I didn't come back to the idea. Until last night. And I struggled but I was getting closer. I solved a different little problem and I realized the same tactics applied. You demonstrate your theory.. and how you really solve for the thing and show they are the same. And then I knew what I had to do. But that's when I kept making errors of a sort. I thought I had used the wrong trig identity but knowing what I knew about sines and cosines I finally of all finally's figured out that my interval was wrong. That was what I realized while the water hit my face in the shower. Interval! I had the picked the wrong angle and I suddenly I knew I had proved it. Of course I hadn't written out the equations just then but I knew. I 'knew' it was solved and that I was correct. I had to be. It had to be. And indeed, as I wrote out a victory page I marveled at the simplicity. And scuffed at my inefficiency using al these other pages to prove the same thing that I was staring directly at now. A final result that fits on one paper and proves what I said that year ago is true. Finally, and now maybe I could erase that mirror and put some other 'intuitive' thing up to be solved a year later.

"According to Einstein, I can't tell whether I'm in an elevator on the Earth or in a rocket ship accelerating at g through space.... but I think I'm in an elevator." The doors open and there's space outside. "D'oh."

Well, it was another full day of friendly fun. I was actually called and asked to come over. Though when I got there a bunch of people left. What a shame. But I did stay. And pizzia was good. Liz is officically in the D street house and Kristina finally moved her stuff into her room. All is well in general. Except for Lindas foot I guess.


Return of the Sadie

July 29, 2006 Saturday 1:28 AM Return of the Sadie

1000 plus Visits

I've noticed I have 1000+ visits to this video blog.
And the movies I've posted to google have been viewed all together approx. 9533 times
with 83 downloads and the that's not even counting the youtube numbers.
I noted a surprising 5 subscribers whom are people notified whenever I make
a video post.
Not bad for only about 2 months of movie making. 
A few years at this should prove very interesting indeed.

I think there is a critical mass of movies. There is a certain number of movies
and a certain duration in which some one can stumble upon the site... start 
watching and then not even see it all and then decide to come back.
I must be getting closer to that threshold. If these trends continue it's 
clear I'm going to blow it completely away.

2:33 PM
Blogger is telling me I do not have an account
Clearly, my pages are still there. ... so nothing is 
deleted at the moment. I hope no one logged in as me and
changed something... ack. 
Not that I don't have the original content on my harddrive
just losing the presence and the pages would be a disaster.
I'd prob. have to parse and restore everything. But I should
have been preparing for that all along. 

I got up earlier but I went back to bed and kept re falling asleep
until it was 2. I scalled myself for that because I usually appreciate
those to hours of my day a lot. 

I seem to have a little list of things I should be tending to.
But with this log in not working and no e mail response from 
blogger... my mind is a bit distracted.

And I write this passage not knowing if it will get to show up...
I just have some slight hope that it's just some server some where
is down and that it will come up a few hours later and the next time
I try to log in I'll 'have a place to do it' 

...scary But eh whatever happens, happens.... I say that with a grrr in my heart 

3:44 PM
They had just left.
But Louis had arrived at my door a while earlier and he spoke to 
me of many things. Ideas revolving around people. He told me he 
is one of the people whom reads my blog.

I just listened to what he had to say.  And noted things


Chain Visions
I play with this little chain often and I'm surprise
that I can make so many different patterns with it.
And I wondered if I wrote a program that could show
every possible pattern it could make.
I imagined modeling it with short vectors.
chris world is brought to you by .. time and space.
And consciousness Inc. bringing you reality since
the dawn of human life.

... DARNG .. 
5:29 PM

how is it that I forgot the correct username.
Well, it works now. Just after I sent a help message.
Dang it.

It was just after a long shower where I was trying to relax
while watching the water droplets ping on the surface.
I noted the sensation as I brought my hand to just beneath
the surface of the water on which the water droplets
were hitting. 

I noted in those moments how relaxed I could be and how much
I really need to try and relax regardless of all the things
'I want' to do.  I've already spent much of the day just
keeping quiet. 


I note that when there is a lot of action going on.
For example, I rode out to the new place and it turned out
Sadie had 'just' gotten there. I was the first one
to see Sadie and then hours of helping move stuff back and
forth place to place ensued. 

I had a lot of fun. And I was already thinking about taking
a bit of a break from 'feeling like I have to do everything'
so it was a nice extra exciting touch. 

And many things were moved out of D street. It seems empty
now. ... I still hung around long enough to play Linda some Halo.

As I ride back I take a little more time than usual to watch 
the starry sky. I saw 2 shooting stars. I like to watch for
them. They happen every night. It's usually not that long
before I see something. And I always tend to look up at 
the right moments. 

I rode in the car with Marie and she told me much about how
life might be going on for her after graduation in May.

at first I thought I'd just sketch in the sketch pad but...
I realized why whould I sepreate the equations from the sketchs?
So, now I'm starting to prefer to sketch and figure out the equations
in the same place. 

I caught Sadie right as she was unpacking the car. I was thrilled. Ah, the carrying of the landry bag with extra assorted stuff. It happens every time she comes and goes somewhere. Sadie and Emily are reunited and swiftly moving stuff in... I helped here and there.


Emily's New Place and Nancy's Leave

July 28, 2006 Friday Emily's New Place and Nancy's Leave

And it was a big day. I woke up and went to SBS to await
for Candice (fellow Plant lab person) to get off of work so that
we could go discuss logo ideas and take care of plant lab details.

This class is almost over and now it's just a matter of passing a 
final and a bio quiz monday. 

After that I biked to D street where Emes was hanging about writing
e mails to family and I talked to her and for some reason my 
Welcome to Chris World page came up and for the next 'however many minutes'
it was jumping from movie to movie. She seemed flattered to be
noted as 'Return of the Emes' 

As I recall I made a very large fuss when she was leaving and how I 
wasn't going to see her again. And here she is not just staying for a while
but a whole year. 

I help her move stuff into the car and we go to her new place she'll have
living with Shawn (math guy) and Sadie (El Birdo) 

So, I got to see the place and it's much closer to mine and that's nice.

I come back to the house and get food and hang about for basically the rest 
of the day. It's kind of a blur of excitment for people to be back and
fun and laughter and TV and Linda. And when I go to replace The Kristina Coke
i drank I get a ride with Starfish which is fun too.

And it's all a good day. 

Julia still begs me to put old movies onto tape or something. But the movies
she wants are on Sadies Tapes. 

I mentioned the project I proposed to Jacob (3D probe) to Paul and he
sounded interested in it.

Emily is quite happy in her new place... stuff is yet to be put into it. She points out the future location of the couch amoung other things. I remark that it will be interesting to see a time lapse or a cross dissolve of the place. Shawn calls and she talks with him about the moving in. Nancy Hams up a big big smile for the camera. Nancy is leaving tommorrow. So long Nance. Good luck in your new life at grad school.


Return of the Emes

July 27, 2006 Thursday Return of the Emes

It's best to record yourself when you get into one of those
talkitive moods. You have to capture what you can and build
on it later. 

July may be wrapping up and I find myself with the motive to 
wrap up with it. Some people are begining to return to Arcata
and the begining of Fall session is making way toward me.

So what has this summer been like? 

Well, it's been so vastly different from so many of the 
failed summers I'd like to describe some of the successes.
In the pacing of life and work. 
The enhanced effiecenty of thoughts to products.

It's a strong start into the world of 'getting things out there'

1:52 PM

I like hanging about with Liz at her work.
It's relaxing and they happen to have computers there
anyway. Not that I used them today..

I noted various ideas from Energy Tipping to projectial time changes,
and the Psychological impact of my movies on the people I see
in real life.

I noted that this one female seemed to be responding to me differently.
And later I found she had watched a few of my movies.
And I realized that must have been it.
Since I'm putting more and more of my personaility and ideas out there
for easy consumption it's making it easier for people to know me.
So that when they see me in real life they know a lot more is going on.
I note that it's similar to the 'fame effect' but only a smaller

I think that if I programmed a game based on my life and had people
really into it, it would be fairly fun to hear someone telling me
how much they were playing 'my life' 

I would be amused. 

I noted ideas about Philosophy of Test
and what sorts of things a test really does.

There were some comedic ideas about having someone come in
and switch all the items around on a desk to amke it feel like
the person at the desk is sitting at your desk.
I acted out the idea for Liz and we both agreed it woudl make
a good skit. 

1:34 AM the next day

Well, that day sort of ended so I suppose I'll just post a quick

I got word from D street that Emily was back and some others
who were filling the house with laughter again. 
And I hadn't made more designs for Candice yet so I resolved
to do them as soon as I got home.. which was technically tommorrow.

With many more design trials done I turned back to this text.
It's a shame I have not the motive for filling in those ideas
I mentioned above but they will have to come later.

A few shots of the day will be better than nothing

People 'are' returning and it's good in genearl even if it
means class load is soon to increase.

Liz hangs out at her desk job working for EOP. I came up with a lot of intersting ideas while in the room. It's a relaxing place to come after class. Emily and others walk to dinner. Ah, Emes finally back and I thought I would never see her again.


Blanket Test

July 26, 2006 Wednesday 4:48 PM Blanket Test

Blanket Test

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Stop that indoor echo in your audio re dubs with...
As soon as I got the idea to use the blanket I tested it out when I got home. It helps a bit but only if your voice isn't to loud to cut off the peaks. I was just after a full sound with no indoor echo. And realizing that a blanket or a couple of blankets might do the trick I was off and... throwing a blanket over myself while recording audio. I felt a bit strange doing it and over all I bask in the shear strangeness of the movie making tactics I have developed over the years.


Angry [M: ADR]

July 25, 2006 Tuesday 10:56 PM Angry [M: ADR]


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What is ADR? Ideally the sound quality of the re-dub should be better than the stuff you remove... but in this case the fact I record myself in a room with echoey walls makes the sound worse I think. But you get the idea.
I got home earlier today and wrote for a while about all the ideas. There were a lot of them. I hated the fact that I had to leave D street and leave my burrio half eaten and drink barely drunk. Waste of money. My stomack really began to hurt and I had to get home with a bike so I had to throw the food away. Bah. The whole day I felt like crying. Well, a good deal of it. I just get to thinking sometimes and I figure, "what the L is the point?" I'm surrounded by people everyday... and I'm getting annoyaned. But it's more about my outlook on social interaction than anything else. ... Can I teach myself Quantum? Why not? I taught myself some of relativity? ==== a replay from previous e mail > Hey Chris, > > I'm sorry she hurt your feelings. What do you want me to do? ===== to a friend of a friend whom hurt my feelings I'm not asking you to do anything but merely pointing out people in the world and their actions. Thinking of the whole world as a giant mechanical system for a moment we find many little detials that ether make things run smoother or coarser. As part of my life objectives I've ruled that I will watch this system and point out places in which things 'aren't right' regardless of action upon them. By dedicating my life to a scientific stand point I hope to shed light on how the world really is straight down to how basic people react to each other under any and all circumstances. Someday research might matter, and today someone else now knows someone whom is watching this world. Who is that someone? -chris mysterious and confusing on purpose.


The Lucid Dream M: Music Thorn

July 24, 2006 Monday 6:49 PM The Lucid Dream M: Music Thorn

The Music Thorn

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It hurts to think that all the music I'm inspired by is not usable in the movies that the music inspires me to do in the first place. It's like a major pain in my side especially when I see everyone else just going right ahead and using whatever music anyway.
I don't believe I've had a Lucid Dream of That caliber ...ever. It was like closing my eyes and opening them to a star skyscape above ground and suddenly knowing it's a dream. And then deciding everything. At first it was trying to be played out as a regular dream but I took full control. Sometimes I have half control but I had full control this time and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I would bolt upwards through the open air of a galleria like complex with glass structure ceiling. And at one point I burst through the ceiling and up into the streets of a place closer to home or like city walk. Or a miss mash of places I had once been. I realized I could jump anywhere I cared to. Another moment I slammed through the ground and wound up in the blue green sea with a vicious great white swimming right near me. I managed to power out of there before I could feel the swift jaws dig into me. And so forth. The final moment was a female character I did not recognize from anywhere insisting that I wake up. And the next thing I knew I was seeing whiteness and being groggy. And then opening my eyes to lay there thinking about what had just happened. In 5 min retrospect it feels eerie that I was in a whole different place with only my rules just a few moments ago. ...whoa. It was just I not ever recall having 'that' much control. I think if I had that much every-night for a spell I could put the visualizing powers to good use. The whole dream was distinctly soundless but I did have touch. 6:55 PM Perhaps dying is like that. Like turning off main outside world and allowing the frontal cortexes to still do their scenario planing so that I may enjoy my last moments of condensed 'reality' ... I know earlier today while I sat out in front of the library and ate my sandwitch I was thinking heavily. About what to do with my life. And I realized I should add a new objective. I wrote it down in a seperate note. ...


Movie: The CG Shuffle

July 23, 2006 Sunday 1:34 AM The CG Shuffle

CG Shuffle

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What do you do with all those spare CG clips just hanging about on your hard drive? Delete them. But first, throw them into a movie to save. All of what you see is rendered using Blender, an open source (free) program from check it out.
I should really run that experiment. Post flyers for what I can help people with and see who big a response I can get. Give sample lectures and see what kind of interest I can generate. Will my movies bite the dust when full school starts? There is a good chance... but maybe not by as much as I think. Some ideas for creating movies are brewing for tomorrow. I'm seeing that layout idea in my head. But I'm also considering basket ball physics. I was surprised to find I have another subscriber to my youtube movies. I'm very gradually collecting them aren't I? This July has been a more technical month a for as programing goes. But I haven't driven myself very deep into the python scripting side of Blender. ... with 7 or so days left in the month I suppose my attention should turn towards that sort of thing. I know once I get started with it it's much easier but I'm always lazy about beginning. I think I might story board some ideas... or search for any old basket ball scripts or notes. Or maybe i could pull together another CG Collection. I keep piling those things up. From particle explosions to animated Scissors. 11:43 AM That is not how I wanted to start out my day. Franticly looking for information on abiotic factors that affect Half Moon Conures. I could have done with out that 90 minute spree. And it had to be done before 12. Dang. So now I feel tired but going back to sleep... eh what am I to do? Falling asleep on Sunday night is one of the hardest things to do. 12:36 I'm sure I'm going to have a lot of upcoming proto ventures. I think the whole spending hours working on the design is good for me. I think that the doing it for another person gives me the motivation and I think that motivation to continue to work on it gives my valuable experience. I feel sad to walk away from a video editing venture that came about so suddenly. I can now see the importance of transportation to my future work what ever it may be. Turning away from one thing makes me wonder about other things. 3:34 PM

"It's almost always a better idea to stay up rather than to take the nap"

And I may feel tired but I stay up. And I notice that thinking as long as there are things to think and wonder about keep me up and about. Even it's a tired sort of thinking. It turns it into a relaxed thought process.


Screen Ballet

July 22, 2006 Saturday 1:13 AM

Screen Ballet

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While filming the screen for another project I remember there were a few strange clips. Who could have knew that feedback would be so entertaining to watch? Or at least that dumb sort of entertaining that is just strange. And because it's strange it's entertaining. Least a little bit and so I give you a short screen ballet. What else would you have called it?
I think it's annoying to get home past 12 on a day and still have to wait to upload a movie before posting. Especially, when the connection speed is so low. It keeps me up a little bit. I made sure to buy Linda dinner 'yesterday' and bring it to her for she is immobilze with her still broken leg. People were in and out of D street a lot yesterday Ellie came and went and she's leaving again for LA and Kellie S and her 'friend' were staying the night while on their big travels. My my. 6:52 PM I don't know if I should be proud about posting movies everyday. I discussed it before and frankly some things just shouldn't get posted. But I do anyway. It's strange how that works. I spent a great deal of time today working on that logo for that person. It's been a challenge but after working with the organic design I'm begining to catch on and become a bit more skilled in the process. This is exactly what I signed on for I believe.


Movie: Logo Design

July 21, 2006 Friday 3:24 AM Movie: Logo Design

Logo Design

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What is the process of creating a logo for someone like?
It only take a high school degree and a year of experience to work at the waste water plant. The video editor job might pay 10 dollars an hour. There are ideas floating about about starting a company with Jacob. It's nice to be an observer as Candice starts her venture. 6:13 PM Dang it. It's it nicer to be able to relax on a weekend? I called about the editing job but I started thinking it wasn't really for me even before I would get a chance to meet with them. For one thing I have no way other than 'the bus' to get to the meeting place. And since I have not used 'the bus' yet and can not learn before the first meeting time it might be a bit difficult to make sure I'm there at the first meeting on time. I have a feeling that being on time and at the first meeting might be an important property to display responsibility. And so the thinking turns. I tried to lay down feeling tired but at the same time not being able to sleep. It's sort of a nervous restlessness I've picked up. And the while I laid down and tossed and turned I remembered my past history with 'real work' The tutor center, than CCAT, and possibliy this? I don't think I want to get involved if only after a few weeks decided it's not for me. I think the way I've set up my life dictates that I have other priorities and their are much much better ways to make money while furthering my own interests. The question is 'will I be implementing ways to make money this semester?' And from that the flash of helping people to make movies for class projects. Being an independent physics tutor. Making those posters and putting them up. Maybe giving those ad hoc lectures. Perhaps CCAT sponsored. C'mon anythings better than working for a business as an employee. While at first sight the idea of a video editing job seems plausibly like something I might enjoy... the problem is that I keep forgetting how much I hate video editing for someone else. Video Editing is a much more complicated thing than people realize. For example, it depends heavily on the source material given. If someone else films, how am I to know they knew to get so and so shots so that I could edit with it. I don't want to get into the situation where I'm tagged as the guy whom messed up when I know for a fact all the jump cutting came from the lack of alternate shots. What about music? Opening Visuals and harddrive space? Adding any simple CG effect takes additional hours. My own movies would suffer much more than 10 dollars an hour is worth. I can't get those hours back. In the end I'd say what I 'really' do is movie making. I want to be in control at ever step or at least have my hand in every step or else it's not going to work for me. While I like the idea of someone else filming and delivering a tape to me hate the sort of problems that will crop up as a result. So, with that thinking done, I began to see the job opportunity as a larger risk to my creative enterprises and my objectives. Besides, I wouldn't want to get involved and than quickly have to leave because it was 'too much work' anyway. .... I spent time today designing the Logo for Candice. And I was getting to a basis form which I could build on so that's progress. As I worked, I listened to an IT conversation about graphics design and blogs and how people were talking about ways to get graphics on things and sometimes paying others to help them with the task. Hundreds of dollars for graphics?


Kristina Comes First

July 20, 2006 Thursday 9:00 PM
How did I manage to fall asleep for so long after I got home?
I must have been really really tired and worn.
I managed to record like 92 items with my digital camera.
That's a lot.
It's been a long day. I guess when you wake up earlier the day 
tends to do that. My nose and face feel dry and burnish. 

"I took a Bio test, helped measure plants, biked to the Waste Water place, and took pictures of the marsh, but I can't make a movie about it all yet because Kristina came back and I felt visiting her comes first"

The web audience would understand.


Movie: The Unfilmables

July 19, 2006 Wednesday 12:21 AM Movie: The Unfilmables

The Unfilmables

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Some people just don't want to be on camera. So what do you do?
3:40 PM it wasn't that anything happened recently. It was just that I was thinking out loud and made a couple of interesting comments to myself so I set up the camera and a few hours later I had a nice slightly comical but to the point movie. I have a Bio Test tommorrow as well as a feild trip where I have to find some way to get myself to the location. 10:33 PM Surpises are always out there. I find myself grabbing a bite to eat and messing up my order by accidently getting a to go meal when I wanted to stay in and suddenly Linda and Ellie stop in and I get to go to the house and chow after all. So getting the to go order turned out to be right. I'm amazed. And I had felt bad for irrating that cashier female. I noted the difference in hanging out with true friends. Not just people whom were about. I made sure to tell my friends that I considred them as such and that I enjoyed their company. After the yesterday downness it was a much needed boost I suppose. I stayed over for a long time and left around 10 so now it's study for test tommorrow and she what happens. ... by the way 'why does everyone keep asking why I'm laughing?' I tend to find humor where ever I can. It makes live easier to live. Why can't people understand that?

"She laughs more because she's more ready to laugh. A sense of humor is only funny when your willing to laugh "

When your willing to let true logic fall through a bit. Take time to enjoy with out all those extra thoughts. Sometimes it's better that way.

Nearly an hour of material and that's not even all of it.


Movie: No One Cares

July 18, 2006 Tuesday 4:18 PM Movie: No One Cares

No One Cares

Watch No One Cares
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Feeling down and I wonder why.
I notice the trend. That trend that becomes kind of a strange itch to walk out and talk with other humanoids. While the simple drive seems harmless it can go one of three ways. It can be neutral. No plusses and no minuses. It can be good. Good in which smiles are had and laughter is followed and generally a good sense of excitment to just be able to relax with friends. Or it could take a dive. The grime reality of the accidently bad social encounter always strikes me at those times when I least expect it. It's in those times that I begin to wonder why I even walk out in the first place. Not so much the walking out but the walking out to visit people while I cruise about on my bike. When things do go wrong. When social events take turns for the worse I always recluse. I steal back from the world and dive deeper into the work that keeps my ambitions alive. Though it's not always that I"m ready to do so.... as in the case when I just don't feel like doing anything after such things. I tend to work in waves. Not rushing but feeling like I should. Not wanting to do this or that but wanting other things and knowing that I have to do this or that in order to get those other things. And all the excitement of former 'major leaps' is forgotten so soon after. I wish I could capture some of that excitement back for these lulls I find myself in here and there. How can I pull myself out? Maybe once I make the decision to I already have begun the process. [6 min writing] 10:21 PM It's hard to shake that feeling that no body cares. Really, I don't know how i got this way. 10:59 PM I was still proud earlier to have saved nearly an hour of old movies I had done since the begining of the formal posting of movies. Still shaking that bitter feeling is hard. The movie really captures the feeling. I shot a lot more footage that I didn't use though. It was one of the first times... (not sure if it was really the first) but one off the times I narrated and then tried to grab visuals to fill the space. I like this system because it's flexible and depends a lot on what I say which increases the flow of the movie. Not stuttering, talking from the heart, not having to cut up audio allows the human element to come through.


July 17, 2006

July 17, 2006 Sunday 11:43 PM
Stress finds a way to bite into my Brain.
It made me not want to work on what I was going to.
And though as counter intuitive as it is for me... I think
just going ahead and getting to work would help more than
anything else. 

5:12 PM

" I feel like a Eukaryote in a Prokaryotes world"

Hyphens are out of style guys. I know I didn't place one in there. I have agreed to help someone with a logo for their company. It brings back memories of that time I got to design the ROBOT logo for Res. Offical Board of Technology. And then Res News which made a brilliant debu as an animated symbol in the bottom of the 'J' I like the subtle trend. On Biz Blog.... Project Proposal Somewhere in the begining of this Biology class I presently find myself in a fellow from out of town was doing research on Dolphin skulls. I wouldn't have cared much but he had a particullary interesting tool he used to digitize the skull information. It was a sort of a 3D probe for which he could gather data points straight into the computer. And I thought, "Now that's something I'd like to make someday" Both the teacher and the guy stared at me in disbelief. Who was this kid thinking he can build a 150 dollar or so device. The claimed I needed some special optics and that it would be very hard. Clearly, the world hath no faith in the random college guy's vague aspirations. I walk out that day really thinking and going, "wow, they just don't think I can do it" I should do it somehow. $150 dollars eh? I think it's a perfect example of the myth people live under about computer technology today. They want to stay under it because they don't want to think they're getting ripped off for buying something as fabulous as a 3D data collector. Ta Sha guys, it turns out that the cost of bare parts is astoningly small compared with the end price you lug out your wallet for. I feel like showing them up and making one before the bio class is out. Even though that might not be possible I'd still prep a movie of production of the thing and branish it to the Bio teacher while going, "Hey remember that day that you didn't believe I could do such and such...." and "So, do you want a 3D plotter for half the price of that guys?" Beside, maybe the market would like one really huge so that you could digitize large objects like cars and what not. The plan? I was writing equations down before class. Basically, we could put what amounts to a varible resistor at all the joints of a rod arm and collect angle data which can be converted to the proper 3D coordinates via the PIC chip and the interface into the computer. I can out line all the pieces of the project and we can discuss what we know how to do and what we'll have to find out how to do. I think the coolist part would to have the 3D model of the probe be updated on the computer in real time so that as you move it it moves on the screen. Considering I do not see division and multiply I do not think the pic chip will do anything but digitize analog values and report them to computer. I've made some crude sketchs of the design and idea. Call me or write me for questions IMAGES NOT POSTED for OBVIOUS REASONS 9:34 Pm I find it funny that I'm able to hang about people I really don't know very well. As I biked up to Leahs place I just sat down outside amoung the other people whom lived there and obserbed as people talked and went about their lives. And then I was off to Coffey's house and again there were people there I was just hanging about with out really knowing. And I leave that place to go buy food from the store and come home.


July 16, 2006 Movie: Chris and KJ

July 16, 2006 Sunday 12:11 AM
It began with annoyance and frustration.
And as it continued there were more half way upseting things.
More like unsettling things.

A friend I had not heard from in a long long time called.
And because another friend whom was only up here for a few days
was presently at my place prevented me from talking well more like
I didn't feel right continuing to talk so I had to make a tough
choice. I had to hang up on my other friend.

And for many hours after that the fact nawed at my side.
So, there was a considerable amount of action yesterday. 

In brief KJ shows up at my door. And I'm like Whoa!
Than we go out to Ricos and the playground where there are
model race cars. And then to visit D street to see the bunny
amoung other things.
And then to Noelles place which now I finally know where it is.
And then to Rosies place, well near it, they deliver flowers
and I hang about talking but feeling a bit sick and tired.
It's too bad. But I get to type on this eletric type writer.
And then I go on my way to D street again.
And they are watching 24. A show I had not seen before.
Strangly, it makes me want to do that image slotted effect.

I come up after a few 1 hour episodes and find that foam has 
been placed under the menacing machine. Oh my god. 
Saying, "I'm very thankful" wouldn't even begin to describe my apprecation
for that foam. 

And that's yesterday as written on today. 

So what is today about?

2:51 PM
Hey I got WordNet to compile and run on my machine. YES. It's a step in the English Fingerprint Direction. 3:22 PM ===== to Powers Well, I haven't been able to work on it this whole time. I've been programming simulaions and other things but recently I managed to compile a version of the Word Net library on my system You know Word Net This is a big step in the right direction for analysing the words and preforming the research. Thought you might want to know of it's existance unless you already knew it. "It's more than just a regular dictionary" -chris ==== 7:20 PM I came back from a bike ride that took me to a good time hanging about chatting with Katheirine. That's good becausee the other place I attempted to visit shot me down quickly. "It's not a good time, Chris" And I left with out so much as an extra uttered phrase. The change in my mood was nearly dramatic. Here I was on my way to a place I thought I was going to get to relax .... and then afterward I find myself slumping away discouraged and looking for somethign to cheer myself up with. I think candy fills that void, and so I stopped at the Deli to pick some up. And then to home... Not long after I get back from my outting I get a call from Rosie. She's halfway through her friends wedding day and taking a breather at home for a bit. I'm glad she called because I was already down a bit from events. I think there were a lot of fragmented thoughts. Nothing streaming and complete... but lots of fragments. I can't quite put them back here. 10:52 PM Just when something else is cleared another thing comes back. Sink issues just don't die.
Chris and KJ

Bring those visuals in randomly and bleep everything you can. Yep, that's when KJ visited. Edited in 1 hour flat Compression and upload time... 30 min


Not a Trival Matter

July 15, 2006 Saturday 11:06 AM
This is not a trival matter.
I'm really irritated by that waving hum and I need
for him to believe me what it is and that I 'can' 
hear it through the floor.
It's low enough to not care about while awake but
as one falls a sleep it's as annoying as the Tao's Hum[1]

I think the reason I associate it with the hum is the fact that
Alex might not believe me. I woke up so enraged this morning
that I got up to try and record the sound. 
Not much luck seeing as how my tape recorder kept stopping which
even more infuriated me.

And I thought this came up before. It isn't no sub woofer buzz.
It's a wavy hum and clicks which I theorize are the clicks from
the hard-drive sitting on the floor. I theorize the fact that
the computer sits on the floor is able to send those low frequency

I'm hoping that a simple and careful experiment will be done
to show him that there is indeed and irritating noise emanating
through the floor for which I'd love to be rid of.
But I'd love to rid of it in a way which permits him to run 
is computer whenever but makes it so that I can not detect as
I'm saying the sound is the computer he left on last night
as he does other nights and it bothers me enough that I have
to put ear plugs in to get rest. 

The problem with the experiment I have in mind is the fact that
the noise is so low, low enough to be ignored while awake but
loud enough to be annoyed while trying to sleep, he might 
claim that he can not hear it. And so the conundrum I face.

Will he hear the ghostly thing and not think I'm the crazy one?

If I mysteriously predict when his computer is on or off that's
mighty proof that it in deed is the computer and that I can hear 

I propose a foam block underneath the thing or some buffer of
that sort. 
And even with that I theorize that the clicks I hear are from 
that small hard-drive sitting on the floor. I know this because 
one day I walked up and listened and placed a small book underneath
the drive. And behold less clicking. I"m sure he remembers and found
it odd. But that's the depth of my desperation.

11:19 PM

1:38 PM
I think there's some sort of counter productive enditity in me
that wants me not to work on things.
Like there's the 'I'm going to get to work and achieve' and
then there is that voice that goes 'naw that's too much work'
And who wins?
Well depending on that I tend to feel differently about myself. 

2:18 PM
Fine. I'll tell it like it is.
I did get myself up and I did go to the Deli, book in hand, will
all my good senses to see Leah there. And I did indeed see her
and talk with her. And while I was there for a good while I
thought of things.
People know I'm thinking because I mutter. They point it out to me
but I could care less. I'm thinking here. That's what is important. 

The thoughts ranged from conscious metaphors to Energy Generation.

I had the inklings to calculate some of the thoughts but pulled back
thinking I did not want to get involded in that mathematical mess.

What stops the world go round?
Someone at the deli brought up the ol' Nicholas Tesla ledgends.
The whole tapping the energy of the Earth deal. And thinking about
it as I tend to I quickly began a sketch of the idea.

How exactly could someone get energy from the Earth?

And so it went.
First there must be some source.
So I contemplated the rotational kinetic energy of the rotation of the 
earth. I suppose I could try that calc.
(Chris got up and retrives his Physics Book from Class)
Here it is, page 304, the solid sphere has a Rotational Inertia given
by  I = (2/5)mr^2

Don't understand? Well image your car has stalled.
And now you have to push it. Roughly speaking how hard it
is to move the car is related to it's mass. [2]
And mass is the analogy to rotational inertia. Just like mass,
rotational inertia is a property of resistance to motion.
In this case, it's the property that makes things hard to spin.
The shape of the object and how much there is affect this quality.

Earth mass = 5.97 * 10 ^24 kg
Earth Radius = 6373000 meters
Therefore, rotational Inertia is 9.69 * 10^37 kg*m^2 

But I was looking for an energy source. This simple is a number about
how hard it is to spin the entire Earth.

The energy stored in the Earth turning is given by a different equation.
It's what is know as Rotational Kinetic Energy.

Rot. KE = (1/2)Iw^2

In which case the I is Rotational Inertia and the w here represents
how fast the earth is spining. 
If you haven't noticed something spinning fast is harder to slow down
than something spining slowly.

So how fast is the Earth turning?
Well, it takes a day to turn right?
So, it moves 2pi radians in 24 hours
24 hours to seconds would be 8.64*10^4 seconds
so 2pi over 8.64*10^4 gives  7.27*10^-5  radians per second
A radian is another way to point to a spot on a compass... well
basically um perhaps if I put it like this.
That same number in degrees per second is .0041 
That means every second your sitting there reading this text your
chaning position by .0041 degrees relative to the center of the 
Earth. Fancy that?

Regardless, Rot. KE of Earth spining is 

call from KJ she's in town. 
Best get ready for that. I'm halting the calculations.
Well actually, if i sketch it out you place some large
metal poles in the magnetic field of the Earth. And 
due to the fact changing magnetic fields induce currents you
could power something simply by that fact. Only the energy
your using would be coming from the Earths rotation and thusly
it would feel a force slowing it down.
So, you would be halting the Earth to get its power.
It's a finite resource but hey this sociiety has nothign agaisn't
using up finaite resources like they were infinite right?

I'm not saying this would relaly work but I found out many people
in the past wondered about simlier Earth power systems.
I'm not saying it would work because I haven't done the full calculation.
Amoung other things. Just that it was curios to think about.


Currently, 12:10 AM on the next day. So what do I do?
Talk about today as it were yesterday on the next day?
I guess. 

[1] " Some victims are unable to sleep while the humming reverberates in their brains. Others complain of headaches, nosebleeds, anxiety, shortness of breath and a lack of balance usually associated with inner ear problems. The Taos Hum is named after the American community in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, New Mexico, where it was first heard around 1990. Mrs. K.C. Grams was one of the first "hummers" to go public. Since then scores of Taos residents have complained of the noise." ... The only certainty when dealing with the hum, is that some people hear it, while others do not. That is not to say that the noise isnt real, perhaps some peoples sense of hearing is more suseptible to the noise than others. [2] Well to be more precise... the weight of the car affects how much friction, resistance, you feel but not to a very large degree. In the system of the car on flat ground your really up agaisn't the effects of it's mass. It's mass that makes somethign hard to accelerate, move. In a sense we could figure out how much mass this car has just be noting how long it takes to get it to certain speeds.


Lazy Day [M: Game Time]

July 14, 2006 Friday 7:02 PM Lazy Day [M: Game Time]

Watch Game Time
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I wrote a proto game!
Well, it was sort of wake up and go back to sleep multiple times today. Ultimlatly, I did get up and fix the sink so it felt like something good was done. The day begins to cool off and I contemplate what to do. I figure a ride out will be in order. I did a lot of thinking despite the sleeping today. Especially, in regards to an e mail I recieved from Candice. .... Oh yeah I was going to get rid of the sub woofer and just use my bose. 9:57 PM Well there goes a day. I did bike ride out and stopped in at Coffey's house. It was fun for a diversion and raised my spirts thus. Biking to West Wood after was simply a must. I went there and got things and on my way home I visited Leah but Saw Reylia instead. I told her about calling and she responded quite puzzled. So she gave me a new number and my frustration was muzzled. Thank you and later, I waved a goodbye As my bike took me down the hill very quite spry. Upon my arrival at my home with my stuff. I decided to again go out in a puff. I'd visit the Deli, first time in a few To see if I could spot Leah someone I knew Also I did see her but she was leaving and so I left too. And that was how my day got started and went through. ... By the way someone was doing poetry at the Deli and the rhytme must have gotten stuck in my head.


July 13, 2006

July 13, 2006 Thursday 11:45 Pm
I just realized it was about to become tommorrow and I haven't
written anything for today. Well shucks.
Not like there wasn't anything to write. 

Course I wrote a lot of responses to various people....

==== to a Member of BIO group
Oh yeah,

I do a lot.

Theorizing physics and mathematics

Modeling in 3D, starting to do 3D animation
but mostly I use the basics to enhance my movies.

making movies (for about 6 years now)

Music composition with digital tools



programming, writing simulations, getting into game design since
it's so close to simulation it's worth the practice.

HMTL, css sort of.

Writing phil. essays among other things.

almost to micro-controller programming and that's the 
beginning of robotics.


I picked computer science because I had so many
different interested that I wanted one I could 
use on them all. Computer science is really more
'information science' and automation so it 
made sense to build skills with it before examining
all the other areas of my study.

It fit in with the plan nicely.

I have a piece of paper that vaguely expresses
what I want to accomplish by 2014.
it began Jan. 1, 2004

And as for

"logo and web site of my business so if you are interested in any work, we
 should talk."

Sounds interesting to me. Besides, I feel I could learn a lot from
you as it would seem we have similar ambitions in life.

>   Well, I hope you have a great weekend!
>   See you Monaday!

yeah my weekend is sure to be filled with many strange new
ideas. Currently, contemplating power systems that don't
use steam. The ol' bio Dieasl got me thinking about
Energy demands and hearing you talk about the biz plan you
wrote and the pro-forma statements reminded me of that as well.
Which then took reminded me of simulations ideas for businesses.
And yatta yatta from there...

In Bio class I tend to contemplate not just what is discussed
but how it relates to nano tech and human consciences.

Well, I would like to assist in any way that I can so let us
chat some time at your convenience.


Chris B Stones


==== to fellow on youtube
I have an eletric Squier but no working AMP actually last I checked it was picking up radio frequencies. It's not as far fetched as it sounds due to the fact the amp amplifes what comes in on the wires.
I've also built circuits that pick the radio and than useed the amp to listen to the signal.

I'm currenlty going to HSU. Humboldt State Universitya and I live in 
the town.

The sunnyness is misleading. I tend to shoot on nice days which creates a false impression of the location. 

Thanks for subscribing. yeah basically if I post you'll get a message sent to you.

I used to post every day for more than 15 days straight. I halted that. Besides it was using up all my computer memory. 

But still from time to time I add things. Though I'm not you tube centric. I upload to Goog Video, internet Archive, and so forth. You tube is just another place though it is intersting that it's the one place I get comments back. 

Well that and posting movies to myspace account. 

In short, I'm everywhere. Search 'During My Break' in google and you'll see.




A Strange Form of Suicide

July 12, 2006 Wednesday 11:32 AM A Strange Form of Suicide

It's a very interesting kind of suicide.
Not so much a suicide but a way of
transforming the brain. 

Things often sound crazy least they always
did to me until I started thinking about it

I sat in biology class pondering much more than
that which was being told to me.
I envisioned the protein strands the nucleotides
the careful dance of protein creation.
And I commented to myself by writing down
a thought that had occurred.

"Does life get more robotic OR Do robots get more life like?"

I was speaking about the this show of molecular machines dancing around before me. And then on up to every level of existence. Well than... these molecules do this and that and this gives structure and really I'm must absorbing building blocks... so I must be just an insanely complex mechanism. But not infinitely. Life is life but it's not un mechanized so I wondered about the differences between 'alive' matter and dead. And I note that part of the defining term of life is that it dies. Prevent Death and your not alive. Why should I have to die? I've often wriggled my face in disgust over the feeling that someday I 'have' to die and then I 'have' to go through the whole damn brain shut down phase that might include bright lights to reliving moments to 'who knows' what else. I know I only have to do it once but still dang I really don't care to find out. So why die? Because that's what everyone does? I've noted that there are people that say 'they'll never die' and the instantaneous thought of 'man that guess crazy' comes to mind. ... But if I'm merely a complex mechanism ... Than I'm not really 'alive' in the causal sense ... And so death isn't really the loss of life... it might be the loss of structure. In other words,

"If I'm not really 'alive' in the alive sense of the word than death is probably more like an option than a necessity"

So how do you fight death? And should you even try? I mean... if were to somehow succeed in abstracting the continuos conscienceness of 'me' into a vessel which remained active long after my body had dissolved more ideally been replaced with a different sort of motion mechanism. Couldn't that lead to a sort of nightmarish brain in a vat syndrome? I think a fate worse than death would be one in which your permanently stuck in your own dream world slowly going crazier and crazier as outputs become inputs and feedback destroys your consciences. Eww. That's scary. But still... could you transfer the 'conscious' you uninterrupted into the vessel? I speculated that if you replace your brain-cells a bit at a time over the course of decades you might not know anything is going on at all. That may be the best case scenario because it's highly likely that the substitution for the neuron isn't a perfect match and doesn't meet all the connections and responses it's suppose to. It would probably feel like dying from sort of mental disease. But if you could succeed in keeping that illusion of continuity long into the point where the entire brain is now made up of the substitute material... if you could do that than would you still feel like you were the same? Would you not realize that you had died? Would you feel like you were living on as a manifestation of your former bio self? I wonder whom the first person to find all that is. It would be an intriguing sort of suicide. You realize your going to die. You say... "hey I don't have to if..." Than you inject the nanoscopic machines into the brain and they slowly run their programs to replicate and replace the brain cells. Over the course of decades you feel different but not to different. And finally you realize one day that the you that was you no longer rests in fragile biological systems but is now interwoven into this new network that is immune to the death biology would allow. It would be a fantastic way to commit suicide seeing as how you initiated the steps to destroy your brain in hopes that this sort of destruction would bring about a new order. So you did 'kill' yourself but then again.. you're still here to talk about it. Funny, eh? 3:24 PM I guess when your sleep is deferred off till the afternoon you tend to dream more. - WWCS There was generally excitement. I had images of of Zach (my older brother) enjoying the benefits of the World wide Consortium Seattle. Seattle? Well, apparently there is this sort of club whom has lots and lots of money and when you graduate college they might accept you and grant you lots and lots of cash. That's why I was witnessing a flash back of Zach on spending sprees. I think there was a tinge of excitement that I might be choose next. Our family is apparently privileged in this regard. Maybe in reality I suppose I was trying to make sense of all the spending people are doing in real life. I don't see how much they really have so it's some what of a mystery that they afford themselves luxurious things. - Zach's TV Set Head Bizarre is it was Zach's head either 'was' a giant oversized working TV set or just an outer covering. I didn't decided it was just an outer covering until through most of the dream I guess. ? I have not the slightest idea why. Though I made a great gag in the dream. The family, including Hillery, were all hanging out in the living room back on Stratford. Zach reclined on the floor with an arm on the couch giant TV head starring toward me. An image of the colorful United States map and Zach walking superimposed on it. Bizarre. Really Bizarre I laughed in the dream and got my chair to sit in front of Zach's TV face. Laugher. It was like 'c'mon guys can't you see Zachs face is a TV set?' I'm pretending to watch him. Despite the fact he apparently doesn't have channel changing abilities. I predict that the laugh was contrived in the 'if I make a joke in a dream it's only natural that I dream people thought it was a good one' kind of way. That explains the laughter that followed. - Distance Location Mallish Running around a distinctly Mallish location was fun. I'd hold this balloon like thing the way you hold a floatation device while in the pool and it gives you enough lift to jump and coast about while still coming back to Earthly ground. I started out somewhere in the back stage sort of place. It was where the 'costumed mall entertainment' had their back stage. That explains the locked doors I kept finding. I was fascinated when I jumped through this large fantastic Egyptian tomb like room. There was a single black table in the middle and I knew it was for special reservations. People could arrange to have dinner there and get their own personal show in completely enclosed surroundings. It was a cool room. I bound out of there with my flying device and run down the halls of the Mall. The mall was a place I recognized from many previous dreams. I tend to have dreams with locations I remember. I nearly crashed into a costumed lady in an old fashioned purple dress. And kept on going. What fun it was. What fun. A reoccurring theme sometimes is trying to get away from a place but never really making it. As I awoke I continued to think about what I had just dreamt. Wondering about them. I haven't had dreams this regularly for so long. Considering I keep having to wake myself up at 7 after going to bed at 12 or 1 ish I should be continuing to have these. ... Looks like when movie production ends real thoughts return to the journal. ... interesting. 3:44 PM Perhaps, I should write entries that I would prefer to read. 11:07 A Warm Welcome Visiting Marion was fun. It was a nice place to visit. And the strong welcoming feel was a bit of a shock in a good sort of way. I'm glad I went. After that I decided to eat because I was very very hungry and I had a headache and so I parked my bike at D street said hi to Linda and Starfish and went out to dine. When I got back I hung around drinking my drink and talking. Again, fun. And so when I returned home I worked more on game programing and chatted on line for a bit. I started talking to someone I had not seen on line in a while. I note how fascinating it was that the use of myspace pages playing this role in IM services. It's much much more likely that the same sort of person talking there would have a page which you could easial call of pictures for. I think the system works well... And than my mind dashed off to giving a graphic tree visualization to the information in those sorts of pages. I'm gradually figuring out how to put the pieces of games together. As far as I can go before I start manipulating python scripts in them. But for tonight I feel the hand of exhaustion. The thing about that is it usually disappears if I don't just lay down and sleep right away. I have a feeling that the Bio test is a lot like chips test. If so I know how to study.


Am I Deciding?

July 11, 2006 Tuesday 5:39 PM Am I Deciding?

There seems to be enough time to get home work on ideas
and also catch up on sleep.
I awoke from a particular interesting dream.
Fragments of which included

- a military dance team
  aparntly they were accorss LK wood on the other side of the freeway
  (fictious according to Real world geometry of Arcata)

- Brad, a thinner Brad from high school, was walking with Chance
  and some other guys. Some with stickers on their faces
  that looked like tracks on circuit boards.
  I reconized his voice while walking down LK Wood ish and
  spun around to have him run up and shake hands only his
  was broken so he couldn't really shake it well

- Earlier I was running down Dream Hidden Creek road
in shoes with so many holes that the water that was running
down the street came right in. I didn't mind it but I could
feel the coolish wetness.

- Still earlier there was somethign to do with spirsts in 
  the house which was sort of where my place was. 
- my family was leaveing and I knew something bad was going 
  to happen so I made a more sincere good bye

- Still much Earlier in the dream I had images of Zach and Hillery
  posting movies on line and I had a Med Close up on them 
  trying to click things to play

- ... somewhere else or around there I was out on the Dream World
  Arcata Plaza looking down the road and noticing a hill where
  I should have been able to see the ocean.
  There were remarks about how many things have changed and I
  was apparently back before this hill was movied and then you
  could see the ocean. 
  In reality you can't see the ocean from the Plaza anyway

Dream locations aren't exactly the same as the real locations.
I find the subtile ties and differences amusing. I kind of 
like those dream scape layouts.

- There were apparenlty cross relations with Sedona trips as I 
  had brieff thoughts of the red rocks and notions of
  "this is where we always vacationed" 

- I was in a black car and quickly realizing I was in a dream
  I stayed dreaming and conitned to move through the air
  with the car dissapparing from around me.
  Sometimes I would break into a Hwy Speed run and manage to 
  enjoy a good bound here and there

  The locatin seemed closer to Chevey Chase past my house
  over that bridge behind the High School.

  than anywhere up here.

I take it some how I've become very location based.
Perhaps it is all the bike riding. I've seen and understood
much more of thid town. I'd arguably remark that I've
'grown up here' rather than stating that in my home town.

Capabilties, unfold personiltis, exposures all have
been encountered while here. It's definktly growth of the kind
that gradually places me in the world. The real world. 

5:39 PM
And I still have time enough to ride out after this
break from traditiona daily conscienceness.
I needed the shift. I was tired as usual but also to 
start the day anew. A mini anew. And crusie out with my 
bike with one extra motivation that I didnt' have before.

- When Brad showed up I had forgotten my camera
  actually I left it with mom for some reason while
  saying good bye She didnt' seem to care much

  So I was really kicking myself when I didnt' have the camera
  to take pictures of this situation.

Hence, maybe I'll take the camera out on bike today.
Couldn't hurt. 
Hey, maybe I'll see that military dance team.
They were pretty good in the dream.

10:11 PM Back

It was good to help Linda get the pizzas. She's still
on crutches. I did find the other place I was looking
for and then brought carrots to Maui. 

I went to D street and joked a lot about things.

11:24 PM

Well... is it worth it?

Is it worth all the fuss to update a site like this with a movie every day if all I'm getting is between 6 and 8 on average? I stop for a while and it drops. I have a feeling that that tells me that when I post a movie. Someone sees the url and decides to drop in. But never returns. And so I begin to think of shifting. Shifting away from those dreamy notions of 'popular' site activity. I'm glad that this isn't my only plan for stability in the financial world. It seems very weak at best. My hope is now in the robotics devices and special projects that may come into existence at a later date. With Jacob's help of course. Currently, I'm putting much of my energy into the simulation skills. That means I'm away from the movies for a bit. And it crosses my mind... that the way I look at the site dictates what content I'll go for in the first place. I would ignore site activity and place only that which has most meaning to me. I might take video notes. I might change focus onto work I understand and leave those whom can not see it out. I could choose to be careless and fully over the heads of others. It would free me to evolve with out the hindrance that I feel when I 'knowingly' will put up something confusing to the average surfer. So be it.

A Sunset over Arcata

A Sunset over Arcata


I Don't Know How I Feel

July 10, 2006 Monday 9:58 PM I Don't Know How I Feel

Well it happens.
The 'we're just friends' talk is an inevitability.
Probably.... that is if your lucky enough to know someone responsible
enough to care about the feelings of others, it will come up.

And I'm amazed that the Sharon Scale makes it's first debut since
my specification of it as standard protocol for situations such
as these. I had a feeling that once I showed her that move it would
come up. It was like a nice 'bringer upper' I suppose.
I think it's safe to say I have ways of communicating and working
that are unlike many others. 
I'm envisioning the pointer zoom off onto the friends side leaving
the scale and bouncing off a wall. That's the visual I have.

I'm envisioning the pointer zoom off onto the friends side leaving the scale and bouncing off a wall.

Perhaps to disappear into some forest. I'd admit that I was curious how she felt, but I wasn't about to start believing she would like me in such a way. As is often or almost always the case. It causes me to pause. Pause, and reflex. Given that I've learned to not attach myself to things that strongly the pain isn't of what it would be had my feelings locked themselves down otherwise. But I can't help but to feel that nudge of tears. I can't help but to feel that little chip on the soul. The little dent in the ceramic. I'm not crying. But I'm registering similar feelings. Just not as intensely therefore I'm sad and probably will be a bit depressed for a bit but knowing this is sort of the standard way things go in my life I try my best to brush it off of my shoulders. I know that after a stimulus is register repeatedly in one's life you start to learn not to feel certain things. I can't but to think back to more tormented days when it always felt like I was forever to remain in this category. Though I know it's not true. Much of me still walks the old worn paths for they are the most trusted. Trusted not from choice perhaps... but by forces of habit on my side and the others. ... I hope it didn't look like I was putting up a front. It might have. I knew when it was brought up it was the outcome I expected. Not necessary what I wanted. But that's just it. I don't know what or how I feel about it because I worked a bit at preventing myself from believing it could be any other way. Was there a 'want' or more a curiosity. I'm not clear on the issue. ... "I'm not just trying to make you feel better" She spoke after claiming I was cute and funny and generally charming, but she was sort of seeing someone at the moment. I see. .... I think the night did have to stop after that. It was like.... kind of an end of the night sort of thing. So the total time was somewhere in the 90 minutes I suppose. Maybe. Of course the issue does not rest here... though I best be off to contemplate my feelings while playing guitar sadly or listening to music thinking about how my life and the world could have gone. The way I usually do of course. Lately though, I'm finding the real world is such a far cry from the way I would prefer it that I don't much care for walking out anymore.


No One Cares for Chris World

July 9, 2006 Sunday 4:58 PM No One Cares for Chris World

Is Wikipedia Evil?
Naw. I should write a paper about that.

I think there's a very real chance if it turning into a "Hitch hikers guide"
type of resource for real. I can just see hear the voice.. 
"And here's what wikipedia has to say about ...."so and so.
Now, there's and Idea I should explore.

11:00 PM 
You know your working too hard when you see the monitor in your
sleep. Or it was more like an exhaustion collapse onto the bed
for a few minutes. I noted several things while my eyes were closed
and my brain kept on trucking with out me for however long that

I noted how I didn't like to have to keep taking my tray  back up stairs
after I had prepared my food and brought it down and ate it.
It was like... 'man now I've got to put everything back the way it was'
I distinctly remembered a time in my life where I didn't deal so much 
with this. 
And that thought reminded me of home. But not home present day. 
The home years and years ago. The home where I remember wanting to eat
dinner but having it not be ready and I would impatiently watch something
on TV I didn't really want to watch to kill time before it was.
I knew the feeling. And as I laid on my back with memories dancing
I registers this on my mind. 
I hated that feeling. 
The thoughts would soon disappoint and images of programs to be
came to mind. Least I thought they did. Or did they?
I don't remember.

I do remember turning over thinking... 'man, I can't fall asleep now
I have to check on a few things for class tomorrow and set all
those alarms and pack the bag and of all things eventual get up in
the morning.'
I'm setting 3 alarms in hopes I do not repeat that last snafu. 

I sometimes gather the impression. That no one much cares for
Chris World. Nor do they care for the Chris of Chris World. 
There could be no blame of course. It's just that  I come to think
that there is no interest by people. I watch visit counts here and
there. And then I look at visit time and it's zero for most of them
and I think... well it was only one person for 'so and so' long
and the rest were accidents? Nothing more. 

I can be down sometimes. Especial on that topic, so long as I know
I have this as a record and in it's state a far greater cry in the 
direction I want to be than the journal of the past. 


Code Wonders

July 8, 2006 Saturday 1:37 AM Code Wonders

Code Wonders

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The power to write the code to control visual effects far surpasses any limitations of user programs. That translates into me being very very excited about future effects I'll be doing.
I feel more like a computer scientist every day. Well, every day I actually succeed in pulling off coding that works. It was a big boost to my confidence. And it opened the door to a lot of cool stuff. I'm glad I worked so hard on it. 3:04 AM My mean radius code did not successfully make a triangle. I suppose that could be a good thing since the program was to test one of my theories and as it stood before it told me my theory was wrong. But now I can 'see' quite liteialy that the program is wrong. .... so if I fix it... than maybe i'd be right after all.... hmmpt. 8:30 PM I know my body tires. I can feel it in my shakey limbs. I know part of me wants a nap. But the other part. That mental jack hammer keeps getting fueled up with ideas. Ever since I made that code break through a few days ago I've been on this programming binge. And everything gets more exciting with each new success. I'm really doing work here. It's monumental. And my programs are building on one another so that I'll be able to achive things I never could before. For once, the programming challenege to pay off ratio isn't too high. Most of the time my code runs the first time I write it though I have been dilligent to fix errors when I spot them. The good kind of spotting that comes from comparing expected output. I want to talk about the excitment in a movie. But I want to outline it a bit to see what I really have to say. But then I'm tired right now. But then I have this urge to walk out in the remaining light. Aye. So much action. I'm glad I'm making so much progress. It just goes to show...

"become a computer scientist and you'll never be bored again."

I mention this to myself as I drive this red block into all these rectangles wildly causing them to fly every where. Simles. 9:00 PM Then again.... I do feel a bit nauses and tired. So... maybe I was infected last week after all. But I'm hoping that sleep will cure it. It just doesn't seem right I mean it only started after getting back from a hard bike ride. So goes the theory.


Minor Angers [M: Difference Matte]

July 7, 2006 Friday 1:11 AM Minor Angers [M: Difference Matte]

Difference Matte

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All those hours learning to program that plug-in really are paying off. I'm already thinking about how re write the code to get an even better result. (perhaps one that doesn't punch holes in my face)
====reply to Rosie ====================================================== It's good to hear from you Rosie. The first 2 days of bio... mm well the first day went okay. But the next day I overslept and rushed in 20 minutes late. I spent a lot of the time feeling a bit nervous in lab until I had a group but then I didn't get a seat... so I have no lab seat. It sucked. I hope things settle. On top of that I think their might be an isseu where as this class actually doesn't count toward my GE. So, I might be taking something that won't help toward graduation requirements. But anyway... We haven't been very far at all. I think it's all stuff I already know about so far. ... but that is soon to change. > Thanks for sending the direct link to the video, BTW. No problem Rosie, Those Playground days are fun. Oh I didn't realize another weekend was already upon us. > Also gracias for the good wishes. I am feeling better, just still very > quiet and low-productive-ish. My major accomplishments today were going to > the recycling center to take out our backlog of bottles and magazines, and > eating a real dinner. I still haven't gone back to work. yeah take it easy. I haven't come down sick yet enough with the lack of sleep and all. So so far so good. My major MAJOR accomplishment was finally succeeding in writing code to control the pixels of movie files in my most beloved open source program, Blender. I spent hours and hours straight working on it. And finally after 2 days I succeed. It was amazing. I jumped up I danced I laughed. The hard part of what I set out to do was over. Now everything should be much fun and easyier and very cool stuff will come of it all. I'm stoked. I'm glad your feeling better. Take care and I'll talk to you ... prob tommorrow. -chris ======================================================================== 2:11 PM I must have been real tired. I got up not long ago. I was still thinking about doing a movie about the 3D cursor but than I also contemplated explaining the seq editor plug in it was so hard to get that if I do anything even a small movie about it is sure to help someone. 8:49 PM Minor Angers Such an incident. Such a brief incident could have incited much more angry from me. But rather than let my blood pressure jump I felt more amazed at the predicament. How shall I explain? I walk into the Deli. There's a singer singing and people watching and I buy a drink and try to leave but as I push on the door it's stuck. I look down and see rug stuck in the way so I try to pull it back. All this goes on with the singer still singing and me starting to stand out. I do make it through the door after the 2nd try but as I go offf to leave 3 tall guys. One of them whom is a clerk at the Deli make their remarks. "Try time" I turn back to hear what is going on but I'm still walking away. Shock. Shock and suprise. I wonder to myself how his boss would feel about his employment there if he heard about his other remarks to costumers. But mostly I wonder about little things like this and what it means to the world. Why is it so messed up? I make a gesture to my head and say, "Because it all begins in here, and then choices are made" Shameful. As I walk back up the hill I chalk another tally in the grouping 'people showing lack of consideration' Clearly, they really didn't see what was going on. The fact I could not push the door regardless. Making remarks is extra effort on their part. And so I write a little about something that occupued less than a minute of the day. Some people. Shakes head. Some people.


In a Huff [M:Specimen Day]

July 6, 2006 Thursday In a Huff [M:Specimen Day]

Specimen Day

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Hey, it's a summer biology class. So what do you see? You guessed it... dead stuff!
1:47 PM And I'm back in front of the machine typing the mishaps of the day. I awoke to my alarm. The second time I awoke to a strange sort of... I swear I had only closed my eyes for a minute when suddenly it was 8 the exact time I was suppose to be in a seat in a class room like a 1000 meters away. I blinked. Normally, there is some sort of a, naw it was the wrong time... or something else that says, "no chris, your not really late" But there wasn't. All there was was my finger hitting down the alarm key to see the 7 am flashing back at me and realizing I had fallen back to sleep as soon as I had turned off the alarm. I lift my finger and 8 am shows through. My god this wasn't good. I got up. You the funny thing about getting up far to late to make it there on time does to you? Well, least to me I decided what's an extra 10 minutes later or so.. may as well brush my teeth. I know I'd be there for a long while so I'd make time for something like that. Anyway, I rush but not to much that I loose my breath. I take elevators rather then run up stairs. As I'm speed walking closer to the class room images of faces turning toward me in disgust grace my mind. I try to think how to sneak in with out calling to much attention. The back door? Maybe? Naw. No good no luck I'm like 20 minutes later and it's well into lecture. People are settled in, noises are at a minimum. I'm going to stand out like.... a guy ...whom came late and has to walk in front of everyone annoyingly just to sit down. I get there at the door close enough to hear the lecture going on. I would have gulped had it been a cartoon show. I stand at the door trying to spot an empty seat. Pickings are slim. I really really don't want to have to walk across a bunch of people. I waited to long. The teacher points to a seat for me. I jump into it quickly and try to get my note pad out nonchalant like 'no no I'm not late I'm here I've been here all this extra brushing noise and moving around isn't because I slept in, really' It wasn't as bad as I thought. But what got my goat, and I'm talking mangling it, was the fact I missed out on getting to use the microscopes. I really really wanted to do that. I left in a huff after the lab. Really. I was pouting about it thinking how I wanted to get some pictures with the camera through the scopes. I had done it a long time ago and I was eager to get some interesting things. Turns out I should have since the other people in the group didn't know what they were doing. The group split up doing the plant prep lab and the microscope lab. Clearly, I had misplaced myself. And on top of that I had no seat. Someday, someday soon I really really want a seat. I'm somewhat territorial I need a place to center myself in a class room. grrrrr Do classes always start out with minor frustrations? Seems like it. 6:37 PM I think I spent 4 plus hours at least 3 working on learning how to program plug in's for Blender yesterday and that is the hard thing. The easy part is familiarizing myself with the blender-python bridge. It lets me into the world of 3D programming in a very big way. It's nice to break up the afternoon by visiting Leah. She was on a quest to find yeast for her bread. I followed along as she picked up more adventurers on her journey. 21.789 years old 9:41 PM I was tired but out into the night I walked. It was twilight. I watched the colors of the day receded through the silhouette of the trees. My thoughts were varied. I must be in a strange mood now. I wondered if I had made a mistake. If I had signed up for the wrong BIO Class and it would not be counting toward my GE as I thought it would. If that was the case... should I stay or should I go? I think it begs another question. How important is 'their' graduation to you. How important are 'their' requirements to you. Staying and learning in the class means something. Something more than a measly slip of paper someone tosses to you down the road. But those weren't the only thoughts. Among them, I found my self dreaming of times when I could say powerful words had have powerful actions to back them up. I stood and dreamt dreams of a future Chris. A fellow finally empowered. I noted that at the moment I had this strange feeling. I tried to describe it. Something like... a fire... a fire in my chest. A sense of restlessness reached out to my extremities. Was it the feel of ambition? Was it the feel a lion has when it prowls the bars of it's cage. I think it was that old familiar itch. The itch that keeps me going toward that dream. Toward my plans. The itch that keeps me awake at night learning, thinking, doing. Like a fire always there, though sometimes not but a small flame and other times a roaring inferno. 11:12 PM News Flash


After 2 days of research and work and trials I finally achieved control over sequence plugins. I DID IT! Finally! The result may not look like much right now (bunch of white strips on a movie) but it means I've effectively harnessed the power of the sequence plug in. That means high speed and high control over image date in movies! BREAK THROUGH BREAK THOUGH! Ah, I can sleep better now. I now control the pixels. It's something I always wanted. It's something I finally have.


Bio Class Begins [M:IK Rig]

July 5, 2006 Wednesday Bio Class Begins [M:IK Rig]

IK Rig

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What does the Automatic IK Chain solver do in Blender? Well, the easiest way to know what it does is to click the button and find out. Here's a brief look at the open source 3D modeling application Blender on rig animation ghosting and IK chain solving.
10:50 AM My review cycle will be monthly. Maybe I'll finally see the diff in how much I do per month. It's a beginning isn't it? Thought a lot as I walked home from class. And stood to watch a workman tie a clamp to a giant pipe and have a big machine move it over. I noted him measuring the pipe for center of mass so that it could be swung easily. I enjoyed the show. And a bike with a motor attached was cool too. 11:02 AM It turns out that the Triangle Side Length deal is really easy if you break it into 6 littler problems. Percent Distance Take your step size for example. If you have to walk 1000 step distances it takes you a while. If you step size was larger that same distance 'seems' smaller. So, if you happen to be like 10 micrometers long than it's going to take a while to walk a meter. Now, I'd say your percentage of the distance is quite small and consequently the journey quite long. But what if you grew as you moved? Or not moved but grew? How far are you from point B if you start at point A? Do you get there sooner? If you grow and move? So scale might matter right? (ideas while walking across over pass)

"I don't think I could live with myself if I got out of college and haven't taken chemistry I and II"

7953 days Do you know what that means to me? It is the number of days I've been alive. prob. much more precise than anything I could have figured before since it came directly from python code. 4:49 PM If I modeled my mathematical movies around the notion that the details may get lost among the lay crowd but the central idea may be heard than there might exist a kind of balance between to much and to little information. For some reason, I've felt driven today. Since I arrived home from class hours and hours ago I've been reading documentation and I think I just might know how to write my own Blender plug in for the first time ever. I already know the value of knowing this information. And I've learned the skill of doc reading and code reading. One gets a lot further after reading all the docs and understanding terminology especially to the point where I can paraphrase. That's movie worthy stuff. Besides, I haven't put many thoughts into this thing thus far. In fact most things were far to gimmicky to be a good source of anything someone would want to find. 8:05 PM I was trying to get textures from but the download stopped after my computer's display went off. mmmarrgh The bar doesn't even move anymore. I hate that. 9:53 PM I'm always impressive with myself for having that spirit right around 9:30 where I'm like... MMm will this be the night I don't post a movie? And than I whip something up from past footage. And I'm like whoa... it's something alright.


Contagious Company [M: Subtitles]

July 4, 2006 Tuesday Contagious Company [Subtitles]


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Why is it that you can't help but to read those subtitles?
2:59 AM I tend to not speak very well in some movies so I guess I really need subtitles sometimes. ;) 3:11 AM Dang it. I wanted to post it to pa place where zach could see it but it didn't work. 11:04 PM Apparenlty, I've read that North Korea has fired it's missles that much of the world would hope that they didn't. This 4 of July the shuttle also lanched. So there were a lot of things acending into the air. But that's not what I talk about today. Today, I get a call from Rosie early on about how she has become ill yet will still be about with her friends at the community center for 'the show' Though as I arrived I held my distance as she did warn me that she might be contagious I later took my chance anyway. I think it's a small gesture but a big message. I think it's something that says, "hey I care about you and I don't care if I get sick from showing I care" I noted how warm it felt to sit close to her toward the end of the night and the fireworks. I note that it wasn't possible for me to fully describe it here nor should I dare be that poetic. Such a feeling deserves as much. .... NOTES REMOVED .... I knew it was one of those treasured little moments that you remember from time to time. The sketch of the place and the people will be forever etched into my mind. A picture of red and green fire in teh sky and the warmth I felt next to me will ping back into my memory when ever I need to remember something to cheer me up. Thank you. This is by far the best 4th of July for me. All the rest were useless for remembering. .... Though on a scientific note I timed from the moment I saw light till I heard the boom approximately 1.83 seconds. That would be distance = (speed of sound)1.83 distance = (340.29 m/s)1.83 Distance from fireworks (hypothenuse) = 622 meters or roughly 1868 ft ish And yet the sound drums on your chest. 11:19 PM But now I best be a postin and showering off for I have my class at 8 and futher. I'm sure I'll be making a trip to recover a book from a friend. And I can only hope that will not be sick. Through some miricle maybe I will not be. That is yet to be known by I. Though a future version of myself can merely scan ahead a few entries and find out.


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