The Video Sampler


Friendly Censorship

Friendly Censorship That's all I can say at the moment.


My, not very well Written, Experience

August 22, 2006 Tuesday 7:10 PM My, not very well Written, Experience
I'm finally home.
I should write about classes and the events of the day 
but not yet. I have to deal with some things first.

9:52 PM
If I did a series of movies that teach things I could post the urls
on tear offs on posters on campus. Good idea?
11:02 PM
I'm sure I could come up with reasons not to live in a Utopia
since anything that extreme might have to include diminishment of certain freedoms.
Freedoms or good but are also destructive.
11:10 PM
How did my life get this way? Why is my day filled with
stern faced professors?
I'm considerably upset about a parameter dictated in the Psychology
class syillibus. I'd call it Academic Coercion.

11:22 PM
Well, the day?

It was starting out poor. But right after Psychology, the first
class of my day, as I kicked back and thought about what I was
going to use my time for a remark came in the form of a female

I turned and to my astonishment there stood a very beautiful,
soon to find out she's a 19 year old transfer, student. 
I wouldn't have guessed. 

We had a quick conversation. Somehow the whole, this is my third
year and I'm in GE with the idea that I'll be examining what I can
do with the information presented to me and making the most efficient
use of my time while I'm still in these classes. (The summer art class
was the perfect example)

We got up and walked with her out to the SBS building. We chatted.
I wasn't expecting to be lead on such a grand journey so suddenly.
I had told her how I haven't been on the bus and i needed to learn
and she said she would help me. I was very grateful.

And we just happened to catch a bus (ran to it) as it was pulling
up. It was fun. I pictured the whole scene as though it were some
movie plot.
It took us directly to were she slash we needed to go. A town
book store had the book I needed and one she did. And there I was
suddenly getting a book I had no idea I would be getting so soon.
I was dreading the chore of finding it but with her it was fun
and a bit exciting. 

We walk around a bit and visit a thrift store. A place I hadn't
been for a long while. I happened to find 4 roles of adding machine
tape for 1.07 dollars. And I was like, Whoa! I never expected to 
find this and I really needed it!

And then she asked if I was hungry and of all places she recommend
Ricos! And I was like Whoa! again. That's what I would have said.
I explained how I know friends whom live nearby and that's what I 
always get. 

We took the food to the community park where small children were
playing and ate on a sunny bench. It was a bit hot for me but I 
enjoyed the excursion and the wind and the company. 

And I insisted we walk back where we pasted D street.

Eventually we walk to her next class and depart for the day.

It was all quite exciting though unfortunately I'm not telling it
with as much detail or as excitement as I really could be doing.
The writing right now doesn't do it justice. If I was in a different
mood I'd be more artistic and metaphoric.


Well then... that's a day and it was long since I had
class up till 7... but now Monday and Tuesday are done
and the rest of the week is much less dense.
Ah that's better.

Look! I'm on a BUS!

I'd say 2.5 hours well spent. Thanks again friend. Really cheers me up after a bad couple of days.


First Day

August 21, 2006 Monday First Day

It's strange how the social strained entries nestle along the
mathematical ones. I never stop. Never.

1:10 AM
Blogs have a tendency to become note pads as one clicks around
on line. 

Well are they?
Two guys walk into a large room.
It is pitch black.
One of the men is blind.
One of them searches for a while and switches on the lights.
The question?

Are they still in the same room?

1:45 AM That cheered me up. So well done. Well lite. well edited. well thought out story.Well acted. Gags were funny. Excellent work. Hats off to David Lehre. This guy 'is' a movie maker. I just happened to turn a cornder and walk through the depo and see 3 beatufil females sitting with Bryan. (spelling?) Yes, the fellow whom I sat next to in Political Science mere hours earlier was hanging about with 3 lovely freshmen girls. 7:07 PM I was startled to say the least but delighted to get a chance to meet new people on such a otherwise miserable day. It makes it so worth walking through there at that time. Well, I spotted Jackie and Shell out in the quad and found the book store still open so I decided to dash in while there were No Lines! and get everything. Blam! I was hungary so after I bought my books and was passing the candy ile I 'grabbed a snickers' as the commerical insisited. Well, that was the first known case of a commercial actually working on me. I heard their sloggan in my head and I just did it. I am amazed I didn't think I was dumb enough to fall for their trickery. But it's holding me over enough so I was happy. Leslie The one whom pointed out that I had something on my lip. Though it was very very small. Tony Elementary Education Major Dottie Wants to become a lawyer. Bryan Sits next to me in polical science class. Helped direct him to the guy who knew what LAN's might be going on. My one regart was that I did not get a picture of everyone. I wish I had remembed to print out those cards.


The Last Day

August 20, 2006 Sunday 1:49 AM The Last Day
It's the last day before class begins well standard class
I should say. I've been in class for quite a while. 
I appreciated the distraction from my own inner world
yesterday. I spent quite a lot of time being distracted and having
fun and a social event. A social event I had fun at for once.
I enjoyed myself though I did spend a couple moments outside alone
pondering. I think my mind is very staticy right now. 

Should I be feeling something more? Best advice I recieved was just
to forget and get into something else. Dwelling isn't a good option.

I'm sure I'll be plenty distracted now that class has begun again.
Nothing to early in the day as well. I like that. It's much better for
my soul. 

Though... at social events I don't much care for the pop songs.
Seems like they all just potray sexual innudent and not much more.
Nothing really deep. Appeals to the lowest levels the human organism.
Figures why they happen to be so popular. 
Give me a break society. I'm a bit tired of such things.

Ever once in a while a song I would know woudl come on and I'd dance 
away. I cut loose mostly because people I know were about but then
some extra people I didn't know came and I still was dancing.
I think they got the impression that I'm a bit of a dancer.
I'm sure that will result in people saying 'yeah I know you your that
guy who danced at Ambers birthday party" 
Glad I made an impression in passing.

Starfish cares about me for some reason. She likes having me around
I never really knew. Didn't look like it. I've been hanging out at D street
so much that they miss me any night I'm not there.

All these events happened yesterday but due to it being Sunday 2:00 AM
I'm still writing about them. I used to with hold the temperal turn over
but now I just write and post on the actual time of writing not the day of.
I used to feel strongly about it I suppose. 

When I review my entries I note that a lot of stuff I glaze over anyway.
If I was to write to remember explict things what would that look like?

3:41 AM
It's funny that all summer I tell myself I'm going to work on this
one programming thing.. and then it gets to the last day and 'that's'
When I start to really work on it. Figures. Least I am making progress.
With luck my propensity to work in the 3D scripting envirnment will
go up.

4:50 PM
I rode my bike out to get food to bring home.
And I did the usual arms outstrecht to feel like I'm flying
thing while I went down my hill. I do that a lot now. I love
to feel the wind on my arms and listen to the flapping of my jacket.

I rode out slowly and noticed the temperature and the light.
The sun was being distilled throuhg clouds only enough to smear the
light more evenly across the sky. It was bright and warm but not
hot and the wind kept up the entire time I was out.

And it felt like it had a long time ago. Back when I rode my bike
out and about over my home town. And I wondered why. Why did it feel
so similar? 

And then toward the end of my execrison I realized that I was
feeling a bit hurt at the moment. A social sort of pain that I realized
was quite familar to the one I had felt so long ago. 
Could that be it?
Could it be that familar pain that I was noticing on a bike ride the way
I knew it before?
Could this be the reason I felt like I was somehow back there and then 
riding around on a sunny day perhaps to visit the ol' feild?

I know she said she wanted to be alone... but I realize she really meant
she wanted to be around others and not me for I heard of her trips
out with other friends. 
And the gash deepens in my mind. I see.

I can't call to leave a message because there isn't an answering machine.
I suppose that leaves e mail. I have to return a movie to her and 
I know she called one day but I never got a chance to return the message
because every time I would call no one would pick up or she would be

And thats when you just stop.
It was fun to be distracted last night. Even now I've put more energies
into programming. Something I should have been doing the whole summer.
But learning is fast and rewarding I suppose and I'll take this remaining
time to figure things out.

7:20 PM

"I'd like to meet the writer of my life... I have a feeling he's a hilarious guy"

And suddenly I get a phone call from the D street people and they are at my door in a car ready to take me out to dinner with them. Despite having just eaten I oblige. And then it begins. Come to think of it nothing good every happens to me at Denny's The last time I was there someone insults me and I spend the dinner closed off. This time? Well, we're getting out of the car on this now cold and cloudy day and I'm making remarks about how it feels like we're in this coed movie about to enter some sort of drama where we can't get out and yatta yatta. Was it that far off? Strangely enough the first thing I see when I walk in is ... her .... hanging out with her friends and ex fiancee at a table not to far from the one we sit down at. My stomach turns. That was about to become pretty common in the next hour. I contemplate walking up and saying hi to everyone with the usual what-a-surprise- style I normally have when I see friends while out. But this time.... I didn't quite feel it. I couldn't quite muster the motivation and after I didn't I couldn't and so I sat. My blood began to churn to acid in my veins.. not strong acid .. just more acid that normally would have been there had I not been getting myself under a strain. I had to leave. Get out of there and walk. THe cold air felt better and the expansive parking lot made me feel more free. Though my mind was locked up. I don't think Houdini himself could have gotten out of that train of thought. I was writing out the story of what was happening in my life. I could see it unfold so much clearer from this vantage point. People might say I dwell to much on things. But when they are of this caliber I do not run from thoughts of such things. I choose to embrace them. For I know what comes of the struggle of life. If you think about a cut on your finger it hurts more, but if you forget you forget the cut. It's not so for me. I'd be prepared to embrace the injury and learn how not to get into it again. And so I was there. In this vast bleak parking lot of life walking around and trying to sample my thoughts and place them in a bucket for later analysis. I really didn't feel I could go back inside. I imagined a movie where the fellow was in my position and I'd have him go on this little adventure while out and he'd be talking to people and things would happen and he would see his whole life in a new perspective. That wasn't me though. No I was the real guy just wondering about trying to see through foggy eyes. No big adventure just a quiet torment.. generated mostly by my own mind. And I know this. But rather than run I observe. Why do I think this way? What is really going on? Did she...? I concentrate for a time because life will return to normal. I know this. But it's what I take away from a situation that stays with me. And I'd choose to place this marble of mental clouding up there on the shelf so that I may watch it later.... perhaps citing it as a source for why I don't do certain things... less certain things happen to me. And the movie ends. The character probably does some thing much more dramatic. Perhaps stands up and says things... The real guy? Quietly leaves with a jungle of thoughts to be lost in. .... 7:38 PM All this happens on the last day of summer. Fitting. 11:13 PM

"There is always a last day before a first day"


Happy Birthday Brenna

August 19, 2006 12:26 AM Happy Birthday Brenna

HB Sister

Happy Birthday Brenna

Watch HB Sister
(It will look like a white box unless you have the codec)
Trouble viewing?
Try getting VLC
or with QuickTime Xvid Codec
Happy Birthday Brenna. I know the animation isn't quite with it... but I've been under social stress lately and I haven't been myself. Well, enjoy your birthday and keep up the good work.
Oh my gosh... I think I figured out how to write this mean radius program...! How is this 'not' scientific exploration? Myth Busters Break Glass with Human Voice I gotta stop reflexively checking my e mail at 4ish am.. unless I have friends from across the globe I don't think I'll be getting any new mail. 2:57 AM I seem to be calming down a little bit. That's good because I'm going to be getting to bed soon and I might actually fall asleep. I'll be to sure to get up with my alarm. Or else suffer even more later. 3:47 PM I'm posting early so when I call my sister I can tell them to check the site.



August 18, 2006 Friday 1:09 AM Blech
It's a good thing movies like this exist for some people.
I'm always impressed at the social guidenace films of the 
olden days. Why didn't people know how to do this stuff?

What to Do on a Date

Hats off to Rob Cockerham (experienced internet quantifier)
He deserves a movie.

4:35 AM
Movies to do?

What is a web browser?
I imagined a visual for this and thought it would be fun to make.

HTML for HTMLers
It would be a large effort but a movie for those myspacers 

Got Curves?
Figures made with points are standard but what about functions?
Get curvey with curves in blender!

7:51 PM
And I laid on the couch of D street looking at blank white sky
through a dirty window. My fingers had grown tired from playing
guitar and my spirit wasn't being lifted by any humanoid entity
in the area. 
Thoughts of getting up and leaving grew from a whim to an impulse.
How had I gotten there? 
Well this time I had walked. I had walked out earlier to
go be around the activity of the returning and new students.
I must have thought I could let their fresh new anxious and exciting
energies spill over into my own life and maybe I'd brighten up. 
Not quite. But before I was here to type this text I had encountered
many people. Just not the ordinary folks I was used to.
And the funny part? I got home and found multiple calls from my
many different ordinary friends. 
Only know I've been so dwelling in the down that I don't much feel
like waking up my soul to tend to social sporaticness.

I laid there on the couch thinking, "There has to be something useful
to do..." and I knew it. I knew I had much to take care of. I knew
there were things that if I did them... I would feel so much better.
Things to do are like pebbles that pile onto your lungs. Before you can't
believe anymore you have to start lifting them off. Each of them
is small of course but once so many have gathered it takes a certain
subtle catalyst to jump start the process. 

I got off the couch and left the way I had come, without anyone knowing
I had gone or that I had been there in the first place. And I walked
home somberly but thoughtful but mostly in tired defeat I suppose. 
And then I saw to figures off in the distance. A purple sweater? 
It had to be...
I danced around a bit.
I watched their reaction.
I posed quickly. They posed back.
"Shell!" I called. 
"Chris!" They returned.
I was wondering when they would be back.
What a surprise.

I walked along with them. They were doing a circuit around
Arcata. We talked. I mentioned I was a bit down due to recent
social events. I should have felt better after getting to hang
out with them. But I felt more or less the same. 

Suddenly, as we had pasted Joy's place I heard stomping from
behind. It was Nicole! She had been trying to sneak up on me
but I found her out before she could catch up. 
I quickly played the role of social catalyst and introduced
Nicole to Shell and Jackie. And mentioned from the same egg.
Everyone was smiley and polite and it was nice to walk among
all of them. 

Nicole eventually went her way and I remarked about the social
catalyst idea. 

Eventually, we hit California Street near the East Side Deli and we
all went our separate ways. 

I guess it was nice then. Nice to have had all that happen while I 
was out. .... yeah.
Besides, it's always nice to get to be surrounded by beautiful

11:02 PM
I have that dull headache. It hurts right now then.
And I don't like having the obligation that I do at the 
moment. The sort of I have sent digital birthday cards
in the past and I skipped on occassion and suddenly I'm
the villan. It had to stop some time. Really.
Things feel hard right now and I'd prefer to just 

I'm writing around 11 again. It seems to be a strange trend.
I set my alarm for 12 so that I'll wake up closer to when I have to.
My class schedule isn't that far from that. 
Makes it easier to not have to wake up so earlier as I've had
to in the past. 

I can't really call it a night right now because I just slept
for some unknown amount of time. I was tired and my feet hurt
from all the walking and I just wanted to stop for a bit.
Part of me hoped I would keep sleeping until morning. 
But I didn't. 


Major Changes?

August 17, 2006 Thursday Major Changes?

I spent most of the next day sleeping in. 
I didn't want to get up. But by the time it was 3:04 
I could lay there no longer.

I have calls to make, to friends as well as certain
dental instituions. I have class schedules to look
up. And maybe I need to visit the campus math department
to ask about a change.

My shoulder hurts. And it's making it hard to move about.
I best work on a certain design again today.
Can I finish the thing?

I think I woke up from a dream where I was back in the pre Calc
class in high school. I reconized the teacher.
The dream was filled with me squirming in my seat not wanting
to be there anymore. I knew all this stuff. (by now at least)
So, it was waiting there and of course I couldn't even hear
what she was saying anyway. 

11:35 PM
And look at this... back at 11 something again.
Hmmmp. Looks like someone nice is going to move into D street.
A nice girl from some other country. Aww.

Radio Chris?
I ask Liz if I have a radio voice. I just might.
I could do a net radio show here and there. 
I'd best take a shower and call it a day... well that is I have 4
hours of being awake left anyway. Mucn to think about I suppose.

There was a lot of thinking about structures and machines going on
in my head today. I think I'll write more about it tommorrow.
But I was deeply in thought for a lot of a bike ride.
And while I sat playing guitar sadly infront of a sunbeam I noted
the circles created by the pin hole and thought quantum mechanics.
Mmm. Would have made a good picture.

Oh yeah, I found out what my summer class grades are.... It's genearlly easier to get A's during summer courses while still getting to do and to think about every thing you want. And have something to get you up in the morning for. I pulled a frame from the math movie. I thought it was a nice reflective type entry toward my little mathy work deal.


August 16, 2006

August 16, 2006 Wednesday 1:29 AM

I'm so glad I found this commerical online so I could
watch it again.
Burger King Chicken Fries

Math verse Art
They are at opposite ends of the spectrum aren't they?
While I was in that art class at the begining of summer I
felt the strong divergence. 

From what I could gather....

Art is...
free formed
felt out
lack of rules

And the same people might feel that...

Math is....
harshly ruled
a pain

If this is about what the common folk think than
what I have to say should sound fairly shocking.

Well, the way most people are exposed to math would
explain a lot about the way they feel towards it.
I for one do not feel that Math is the negation of Art.
I believe that the people, the ones whom really 'know' math
really have a feel and a mind for it see it completely 
differently. They see it flexiable, powerful, puzzling 
at times but something they can work with. Something they can
express ideas with. 

Lets take the rules for example. 
That fact that there are rules is the begining of 
the diverence from art I would suspect. But that's 
not explaining the whole picture. To think that art 
is somehow 'outside' of the rules is a bit of an illusion.
I'm not speaking of social rules or socieitial rules.
I speak in terms of the physical laws of our world. 
An artist may paint or scuplt with matter but he or she
will not change the effects of gravity on that matter.
The artist is locked inside the daily laws of life regardless
of his or hers artistic expression.

I mused, back then, at how I felt an artist is just a person
whom is making lots and lots of minate decisiosn about what
he or she is creating. Though these decisions maybe on the 
scale of color, or shape, or choice of proportion they are not
the only choices one has. 
I like to think of myself as an artist on a greater scale of
.... NOT FINISHED ....

=== letter to mom
If decide to change my major it would have to be soon.
Or not... well, at first it looked like  a Math major
would only be 6 more classes but than I read a paragraph
that said those classes and 26 more units in math electives.
So it's more like 12.

I wouldn't be graduating by 2008 on that sort of plan.
It would be like adding 2 years.

I'd say that some of granny money spent on education would
be worth it. 

But still I thought I was done with formal mathematics.
I got to the summer and read over lots of new mathematical
ideas and worked on things here and there and noted how much
better I learned once I wasn't pressured by a math class. 
... but I may just have to bite the bullet and do that
academic math... blaw. 

I'm just thinking with myself that if I change it had better
be very soon so I can change course.....
but than I was thinking physical science....

but now I don't know what to do.
I'm so tempted to get out of Computer Science. 
I don't even trust that term anymore.


11:29 PM
And the day closes off after having spent it with a friend I 
met my chance during the course of the day. 
I come home late. Not minding the bike ride through the dark
that much. I walk up the hill unrushed.

I guess what I spoke about with her has gotten me quiet. 
As I left I reminded myself of the promise I made to 
await her call the next time she wanted to see me. 
So she can have her time to herself. 
I hope she comes around okay. 


A friend of mine...

August 15, 2006 Tuesday 1:14 AM A friend of mine...

A friend of mine is constantly having a hard time with life.
She struggles deeply and even though she doesn't speak much
about what torments her I know she really apreciates someone
I sort of find myself on 'to bed' service. I'd make sure to
give her a ring and ask if she needs anything. 
I'd be sure to do whatever I could to comfort her.
I'd give her a massasge and brush the hair from her face.
And as she would try to fall asleep I would notice the jerkings
and twitchings. 
I can not know what she goes through. But I take away at least
a little peace of mind in knowing that I was there as her 
bad day ended. Perhaps tomorrow would be better. 
With her it's always a coin toss. 

Even though she seems more distance from me these days 
I remember what I promised. She does too.

"I want to be whatever you need me to be"

"I want to be whatever you need me to be" I distance time ago. I meant it. Least I think I mean it. All I know is that I reaffirm that I mean it every time I take those small actions. The little calls, the little moments in which I care for her. I am not to be a center piece in her life. I know she's fluid and will be pushing on as she has done and will contine to do. I know I played a small role in her life. I know I've learned much about people from her. .... begingins of endings. ..... I added more text to the myspace page. I read that 4.5% of all web site visits are myspace visits. With that said I decided to improve my page there. The look and the text and add a large larger picture link to my blog. TEXT I ADDED....

Oh Good, I am in my own extended network.

Oh Good, I am in my own extended network. So it tells me when I view my own profile. I'd be worried if I wasn't. I am a bit annoyed that I can't friend myself. I mean, if I'm in my own extended network than why is it that I can not friend myself? I guess I just don't get along with the me in my extended network... I mean I can't even friend myself. I guess it goes to show, "I ain't no friend of mine" The strange notions of friend and extended network bring ideas of set theory to mind. It brings back memories of discrete math. There's a lot of weird stuff in discrete math. Sure, we went over boolean logic, and venn diagrams but it was the emphasis on proving things that stays with me. I know how to prove things. That means I know how to derive new information from the beginnings of mathematical theory. I can manipulate standard algebra like bouncing a ball. Easy. But don't think that I'm some sort of social paranoid nerd. Really, I know how to talk with people. I get out and I visit friends. If I didn't bring up those ideas from time to time most would never know I did all the other things that I do. I suppose the reason I don't actively pursue a 'significant other' is that I don't really see why I should deal with all the hassle. I see others and at times I may be bitter about how they have always 'found someone' but then I remember the dramas that go on. I recognize the added stress placed on each of their lives by their desires. Have they re evaluated why they do what they do? Have they reevaluated their whole life? Can they really tell me that they are living optimally? I have a sort of an notion that if I were to die at the end of the week what have will I have done during the week to make the world slightly better? I figure things out. I post movies that show people how to do things. I should probably post a movie about me someday. Theoretically if I spread enough of myself in this format (the movies) all across the web I will live on in that digital space. Whatever happens to me in reality my work will live on out there. Baw. But it's not like I really believe I'll die at the end of the week it's just a psychological trick to emphasis motivation. I contemplate death from time to time. "Make peace with death before death makes peace with you" The illusion of time and of that feeling that it is far off will someday collapse. And left there, will be a morbid since of loss and of dryness. Perhaps regarding a life that wasn't well lived or lived in the manner that only a sudden onset of death could illuminated in your mind. What is your life made of? What will you be thinking in those final moments? Will you be thinking of second chances or victories? Happy memories? Or tragic miseries? It's your choice now. So make one. .....


Awake into Math M:Mathematical

August 14, 2006 Monday 3:00 PM Awake into Math M:Mathematical


Watch Mathematical
(It will look like a white box unless you have the codec)
Trouble viewing?
Try getting VLC
or with QuickTime Xvid Codec
The first thing I think about when I wake up... but only when I'm allowed to wake up on my own time.
The dangers in shooting your movie without a script is that a lot of stuff you were thinking about might not come across in the movie. I'm sure as I thought about what movie to make in regardes to what I had worked out I had intended to tell a much more detailed story. The story of how the thoughts unfolded.... the story behind minate reasoning and taking wrong turns. The story of interpretation of resolutions and new realms of mathematics I could apply if I only considered these other ideas. The movie I made doesn't do anything justice to the ideas that grew out of the beginning of the search of the attempt. Perhaps, if I wrote it all out and kept a log, which I should have always done, I would be able to unravel the workings of my own mind as it attempts to unfold the ideas and concepts and apply the new thoughts to a problem. .... I note that I would find myself in times where I want to read something interesting and thought provoking about the way humans think about algebra and wishing I could find some article somewhere on the net. And then I couldn't but I began to realize that a search of that sort might turn up something of mine I posted. That would be funny for if I denoted something of mine as thought provoking mathematical speaking I'd find it somewhere on line after all. .. 10:23 PM Someone told me you don't really know Chris unless you read his blog. I was a bit taken-aback after she said it. What did she read? She was telling people that you miss out on a lot of who chris is if you don't read about it on my site. I suppose that's true. I'm sure there has been a huge number of different first impressions over the years. I think I'm reaching towards unification of those impressions by developing a standard protocol for meeting people. Card, site some sort of catchy greeting. Eh. I'd rather people have one concise view of me than misinformation generated by circumstance. Which reminds me I need to print out more of those cards. I've been to like 3 social functions in the last week and I didn't have any cards to pass out. (Nicoles get together, Narisas Birthday.. and Rosies pLuck) I'm generally pretty uncomfortable at places. I just don't mingle well... well perhaps that's based on the people. .... It was good to do another math movie.... yet no luck getting to the real core of my thoughts on matters. That will be left for another day. .... and when I have more hard-drive space. ...


Bad Thoughts and Speedy Trains

August 13, 2006  Sunday 12:27 AM Bad Thoughts and Speedy Trains

Those gray structures were part of a project that this lady
began or worked with or something
I always wondered what that thing was.

Dr. Lucile M. Jones

I confirmed this after asking about it.
=== replay

Yes, that's her.  We know her as Niels' mother.  Niels is John's 
friend, same grade (about to be Juniors).  Niels has a big brother 
Sven who we think is the same age as Crissy, one year younger than 
you and Viannah.  I think he played football.

She's at USGS, Caltech and also on some big state earthquake commission.

>Was the Earth Quake lady this person
>Dr. Lucile M. Jones
>or someone else?


2:30 PM

I hate it when certain thoughts bother me on that sub level
and slowly begin to nudge my mood one notch lower than I'd like.
It's like having that itch on the roof of your mouth, and you 
can't even skratch it. It's just there and it ruins your day for
the time that it exisits.

How can I rise above mere slight worry? How can I prevent slight
worry from becoming a tantamount psychological ordeal. 

And once the worry sets in it grips my chest and pulls my soul
to the floor. A place no soul belongs. I've got to tell myself
it will be resolved. I've got to tell myself that when class
starts and things open up again I'll get things checked and things
will be fine. 

Why can't I change my feelings based on logical reasoning? 
I know the prevalence in the population is low. .003 
I know I'm not 'as at risk' as others. My chances should be below
.003 right? But then again I've never been one to trust my own
mathematics that much when it comes to statistics. 
Could their be something I'm not looking at?

And why is it that I mess up the relaxation of a break with something
like this.


On different notes....
Did you ever bring up a topic with someone and note a slight reaction.
It was subtle but it was there... and you knew it meant something.
Like they had done something. ... but what? Only speculation.

7:04 PM
Friends of mine visited me and I didn't take any pictures because
they tend not to want to be on camera. Though I did show them
former clips of themselves.

After I watched the movie and my landry was done I thougt
about those train problems again. I recalled the final thought
of last night before I fell asleep. I had just realized I could
think of all the possible situations as points in 3D space.
And the octants stared me in the face.
Each train function was really described by 3 pieces of information.
Position x, velocity v and acceleation a. (you would never have saw
acceleration in the standard train problems)
But that idea suddenly cast the train problems into a whole new light
a whole new realm of mathemtaical thought.

That was why I opened my Linear Algebbra book and tried to remind
myself of all the things I hadn't learned when I took that class.
I find I learn much better when I'm not pressured into solving the problems
nor passing tests. I have time to pick out just what I want to know.
And as I flipped throuhg the pages reading definitions here and
there I found a surpising lack of real concrete information.
That is to say the book isn't that dense. I could teach myself everything
in it a lot faster than messing up the class like I did. 

The shift of thinking opened a whole new door of possiblities.
I enjoyed the extra inside I was about to recieve on the ol' train 
It's late but I do eventual tend the suprise party for
Platypus. I had some fun... but really I was glad to comfort
a friend whom was having troble at the moment.

I did landry and decided to snap an image of the basic style. I choose plain colors and simple combinations over any flashy graphics. Unless, they are graphics designed by me or if I really believe in them.


M: Duncans Visit

August 12, 2006 Saturday 3:53 PM Movie: Duncans Visit

Movie Link not working due to some sort of server error

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And so I happen to see Mr. Duncan again. Of all people never would I have expected to find him in my day after all these years. I sort of rushed the editing of the movie.
I call it training. I had posted the final page on my wall just as the door bell rang. I had some how knew that my guests were about to arrive right at that point. I just knew it. And so they became the first to see the work on the wall. I know there are stories behind how all my ideas unfold. And finding away to reveal them to myself and others was the mission at hand. I'm exploring the layout of my thoughts and taking a step back to study the significatence of every choice, every step and every mis step. Someone one asked me if I did math for fun. And I had no good reply at that very moment. So I thought about it later... and I noted I do it as a sort of training. I work out the mathematics the way athletes train for games. I'm constantly preparing myself for the day when I'll finally be able to draw it all together. Recently, someone had left a comment about the algebra movie. "just subtract them" he said. It would appear I have not exposed the real motivation behind doing it all. That must come out at some point in the future. But they mentend that was the 'easy' way and not the " complicated math stuff" And it hurt. Just a little bit. It's like the standard slap in the face. Chris to himself, "No no no Chris... just subtract them" Oh yeah that's easy. But why do I just subtract them? Oh yeah, how bout you answer what would it be like to suddenly remove graviity from the ball before you hit it? What happens then? ... 3:59 PM I'm sure I still have to go out and return a computer to someone. And buy a few things and I just wanted tonights movie to be in order. Because there 'is' stuff to put up.

"who is to say what the 'easy' way is before it was easy?"

I'm training myself to look at all the possiblities. Not just the easy way. The 'easy way' breeds stagnation. I look at every way and who is to say what the 'easy' way is before it was easy? It's all the same problem but the way I go about solving it yields an exciting multitude of possiblities to view the world with. Mr. Duncan and Son The only fellow I know whom works at JPL. (Jet Propulsion Laboratory) It was a place I could see from my High School back in La Canada Flintridge. I remember realizing the significate one cold school morning while I stood on the 3rd floor of my school looking out at it. Maybe, I'll work there someday. Bah. .... I sort of rushed the editing of the movie. I wanted to get some place but I also wanted to make sure to post. Now I await the file upload and I'll take off for my friends place as soon as it's done. Could have been a bit more put together and I would have explained about the GPS gray thing.



August 11, 2006 Friday 1:49 AM Slump

I did not manage to sleep the other night.
It caused me to wake up around 3 pm feeling like
it was early in the morning. 

I can sit here before a key board listening to the typing
and ponder of the topic I wake up into each day. Life.
Mine to be exact. 

"You know I just woke up and 'I want to talk to Malia'"
so I sort of did.
Hi Malia sound track. When your separated by time and space 
it's good to find a way to give someone your voice.
 It conveys so much more.

This Net Connection is really dampening my style. 
I use it to upload movies and it takes a long long time
since the only speed I get is 46 kbps while my friend
gets 200kbps and I don't even think she's on a different plan.

I calculated it would only be 36/2 extra dollars a year for my family
and then I'd be able to upload my movies at more than a crawl. 

====a letter to Mom
The only thing I'd ask for my birthday 
would be a slightly faster net.

After visiting a friend and noticing the huge difference in
online speed for a plan that's pretty much the same I realized
I can't go on like this.

I visited the SBC site and noticed that the speed I've been
measuring is below what they claim they are giving me.

I measure my speed at 46 kbps and they say their range is a good
Something is clearly wrong. I want to e mail them about this but 
I fear that ultimately they'll just say you need to upgrade
the account. 

I noted that it looks like you guys are paying the full price for
the net connection when Alex and I share it. But really Alex pays
out his half in the Power Bill. 

It all means that the next leave up is only 36 more dollars a year
when really it's half of that or about 20 more dollars. 
That's like me tutoring 3 hours a year difference. 

What I'm saying is I know SBC is ripping me off right now. And 
the problem might be the physical distribution system.
But basically we have a contract with them right? And they 
aren't living up to their end of the bargain.

You get the bill for this... so could you send me a copy of what it 
looks like? I have to make sure I'm arguing about the correct plan.



11:50 PM
In certain times I feel low. Depressed. Down. Tired.
Ready to call it a day. I found myself out else where
and thinking about the movie I wanted to produce and how
I'd have to bike back to home to do it but I had arrangements
to go to a social gathering. 
And I spent the time in between solving out the equations I had
set up a few days before. I note the patterns of geometrical analytical
thought building up. It occurs to me that given the greeks always
used the ol' straight edge and compass, that they were really only
using 2 equations to make all of their geo proofs. 
As I solved away I noted a pattern of equations were forming. 
I may be fuzzy on the idea at the moment but I do not all of 
Euclidian Geometry must have a 'certain look' when solved using
the Cartiesian coordinate sys and the equation of the line and a circle. 

I solved to find out my simple proof was right. x was indeed equal
to it's opposite counter part. And it was one of the few low high points
of the day. Success in that area faded quickly from my mind.

Today is a slump. And my head swims in it. All the while wanting

Strange though as I walk home somberly I check my e mail and am
told that Mr. Duncan (JPL fellow from High school CSP) and his son
were touring the West Coast. And they were somewhere in town as
of the moment. 
Well that was interesting. I read and shockingly picked up the phone
to call him.

I guess I'll be seeing him tomorrow then. And that was completely
out of the blue. 


Missed Day

August 10, 2006 Thursday 1:39 AM

My hats off to  Britney Gallivan
The paper folding queen.

Little did I know that when I started writing down my equations some one had 
already beat me to it. Not that I was really in a race or really trying.
It was just strange to suddenly find out someone had the answer. 
A high school student non the less. 

strange I got home too late once again.
Missed days? Well, social lives happen. 
And much of it is strickly off record.


5 Ways and a Headache

August 9, 2006 5 Ways and a Headache

"I use variety to see where mathematics connects on itself."

I didn't really want to do anything due to spending most of the day with a headache. Toward the end of the day however, I was concentrating on the point that is opposite to a point given on a circle. These form the endpoints of the diameter. And I figured out 5 ways to do the same thing. Though I haven't evaluated all of them. I use variety to see where mathematics connects on itself. One idea can be used to prove another or explore an old theme in unexpected ways. The path is always a bit exciting. Seldom do I come across an idea like this that keeps me so entertained. I suppose the makings of which began a long long time ago with circles.

"The more ways I can solve the same problem mathematically the more likely I can draw connections between odd ends of the mathematical world"

That's why I paused to play my guitar after writing down 4 ways to arrive at the answer. As I played the usual rhythms on my instrument inspiration dawned on me. I'm not sure how but I realized that the point on the opposite side... was just that. It was the opposite of the point given. It was suddenly so simple. Even proving it was simple. I have yet to pin point the idea directly but the basic notion was that I had found the utterly simplest and most elegant solution to the problem. And than I started to think about the former ways to solve in a new light. Opposite point, eh? Well, then that would mean each other answer has to arrive at the same conclusion. Which meant that I suddenly knew something knew about all the ways I phrased the problem. And the one thing that began to intrigue me the most was this one set up. I thought given a point on the circle all one would have to do was walk half the Circumference to arrive at the point on the other side. This took mathematical form as an integral for length. An integral my calculator could not solve directly. I suspected that I could use the trig sub but haven't done it yet... but that was the thing. Knowing the new information about the opposite cast this integral into a whole new light. I now knew the starting and end points ahead of time which meant I could say something about this function I was suppose to find. The difference of the function between an input x and the opposite input x was half the circumference. .. Now where does that get me? ... I solve these things in this way to train myself to see the mathematics more clearly. There are a lot of people out there that stand only upon research. But to really understand mathematics one can not grasp the ideas firmly simply by looking them up. I firmly believe one has to get in and prove out the laws and rules in order to fully appreciate the complexity of the axiomatic systems playing out upon the world.


Missed Entry

August 8, 2006

I usually don't miss days but so much happened it just went over into the next.
It was lucky to turn this way and that and get to spend time enjoying
the company of the many. Dinner out was a nice touch.


Movie: What Algebra?

August 7, 2006 Monday 9:47 PM Movie: What Algebra?

What Algebra?

Watch What Algebra?
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It must have been all that math reading and my current attempts to learn new mathematics that did it. I decided to try for a algebra like movie... but I'm afraid the message was lost in the 'lack of a script' filming syndrome, well at least I attempted another educational movie. I hope that I will someday really make them educational and not just attempted educational. keyWords algebra guitar chris educational

I seem to come up with a lot of stuff while I'm in the shower.

I stood there in the water once more and realized how to prove a certain chord was the diameter of a certain circle. This was after drawinga all those isosceles triangles in them. I think the notion I have for explaining mathematics is to show how I precieve them. I imagine the maniuplation of the varibles to be like having the power stop time or maniuplate the laws of physics to ask 'what if' questions. I can imagine making the visuals look very interesting and perhaps captivating. Like freezing a frisbee catcher and discussing time as a varible. I began a new blog I have notions to turn it into a 'live' resume and focus for all things I can do for people. I wanted to catch the name first so I went ahead and forged it. Though presently it's in no condition to do anything with. I figure if I'm to do somethign different this semester I'll have to start by focusing what I can do for people and this is a step to make that more concrete.
Emily Works at "The Hole in the Wall" Sadie orders from her. They both live in the same house now. Calculations from the movie. I tend to not do so well with my mathematics when I'm scribbling them infront of a camera. Especially when the camera is like right in my way.


August 6, 2006

August 6, 2006 Sunday 5:32 PM (one of the places that hosts my movies) decided to
ditch all of my carefully selected thumb nails. I'm going
to start using a different place to host the thumbnail image.
That' really gets to me. Grrrrr

.... later

I come home for the night. And I'm trying to get the tune. But
I can't quite make it. I wish I had a better music composing
skills when I really need them.


The Stuff NOT in Movies

August 5, 2006  Saturday 7:05 PM The Stuff NOT in Movies.

The ping pong ball leap back in forth intermittent with laughter
and physical and vocal gags. Another guy, somewhat athletic college
guy, installed larger speakers into his girlfriends car. 
I stood on a skate board and zoomed around a bit while they played.
And it's all blank. 

Blank when it comes to tape. I had no camera at the time.
I mourned the loss of this great short tale of a day that ran so well
in a totally unexpected way.
I was only riding to pick up some groceries when I was spotted by Kent.
How was I to know that what would unfold would be such an adventure
in itself? How was I to know I should have had my camera. 

But I took part in life regardless while pushing those pesky
thoughts aside and enjoyed my time. The only picture
that might exist now is the one in my head, and what ever else
I take from it.

"The only picture that might exist now, is the one in my head..."

Kent somehow spotted me on my way and called out. I stopped my bike and turned back and he offered macaroni and I said... yeah that's a good idea, went to go get my food and came back. Adam was there watching a movie. I ate. We visited friends next door. I got to lay in a hammock for a bit. And I noticed the serentic qualities of the day. It was great. It was a getaway. it felt so good to relax so completely for once, and to still have all that socialiable entertainment.

"It felt so great to relax for once"

And I walked next door to say hi to John among others whom were about. And Bob strolled in. And from there Kent and I visited Adam the one whom was installing the speakers. In the end text does not do justice to the memory. The emotion, that sunny quality, that feel of being in the hammock that suddenly 'there was all this unexpected activity, forged those odds and ends of moments into one triumphantly fun memory. it's the stuff summer days ought to be made of. It's the haven for the good life. I can't even figure out why people leave to go else where. I'd say those vacations. The true ones... are wherever you find them.


Oops. No movies. Movie: Memory Changer

August 4, 2006 Friday Oops. No movies. Movie: Memory Changer
Whelp, it looks as though I have not made a movie
today. Even when I thought I was about to.
Well, people are living this residence and that opens
all day and all night for filming regardless. Since,
that's a lot of time I'll get back into it.

"No Movies? Well I'll get back into it soon... right?"

Memory Changer

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That was sooner than I thought.... And so I take those pieces of my week and put them together. Emily and Sadie arrive, they move into to their new place. They take the table from D street. And I'm there helping and recording for it all.
The movie file already had all the clips ready to be editied. I just logged off of my bloggin client and saw it and said, "Well, it's about time I added something like it anyway.


Final Day

August 3, 2006 Thursday Final Day
I did not sleep well last night and awoke tiredly trying to
get ready for a bio final. I walked through the cold to the class
and took the test. It wasn't that bad I don't think.
It's good to have 17 days to settle ideas gear up for fall semester
line up what to do with my time. And relax with some friends that are
finally back. Shawn returns Aug. 8 Joy returns Aug. 7 So Shawn
is a day after Joy. 
I hear some people will be leaving this place and I'll have it to
myself for a good portion of the time. Ah, the perks of hanging around.
It thrills me. Though it hasn't sunk in that I'm out of class.
Truly, during the summer I can balance the class feeling with enough
extra time to still do and think about everything I want to. 
That's the special aspect of it. 

Thoughtful as ever, I was thinking about where all triangle exist around
the time I was getting my sandwich made today. And I knew that it only
took half of the space where all triangles to exist to show every rectangle.
And when my sandwitch was cut diagonal there 2 triangular things were just
as I was realizing that the rectangles were made up of 2 triangles and that
I only needed half of the portion of graph to represent the rects.
So really I rect. was 2 of the same triangles put together. 
And that got me thinking about n gons and such... and information to define

Movies ought to come back pretty soon. I didn't do much while my bio class
and friends were back. I had those long elements of time when I was making
them every day. The drop off was just a break in the sea of progress toward
building an online presence. 

Making movies everyday can be a lot of work. 
So what where those ideas I had last before I halted?


August 2, 2006

August 2, 2006 Wednesday 1:28 Am

Occupational videos were discussed late tonight with Linda.
I had all my bio work done so I really wanted to use the time
to cruise out and enjoy the sensation of wind through my hair.
And so i'm glad I did. Besides it wasn't like I was going to 
be asleep by now anyway. Maybe I did a good job of tiring myself
out today though. 

Anyway, we discussed the cornyness of Ocuplational how to videos and
we were like "there should be a D street how to"

But what would be in it?

Hold bunny away from face.
Don't stand in the middle off the catapult
Address Erin in 'this' sort of voice. Starfish.
D street is known for it's flys the proper way to swat...
Were protective breating gear when entering the 2nd bathroom.

Notes for typing

Ever wonder about those hard reads wehre you have to look
or ought to look up every word youdon't understand and its
like 1.5 per sentence?

Wel with wiki those word def. are only 1 click away.
Makes reading easier as it's as much extra informat as nesscary

Getting a Test Back Efficiently

Well I thought it might be better to let the system help me get my test
back with out all the search time and the best part is the time I spent
figuring out the system made the time go by all that much faster.

Worst case time to find test. Supposing I went up to be the first to find
my test I would have a 1/n chance in finding it at first and then a 1/n-i
as I looked. The worst case being (t search time)n = Time required to find

Function of search time as I wait longer and longer.
Rate function at which tests get back.

Original scenario
System as whole
My waiting chances

If a teacher wants to get tests back and still make it to ‘their’ next
class they might want some idea no how long it will be for everyone to
find their test.
However, the PILE method may not be the best strategy for giving a test
back if time is a priority. Hence the having students pass it back or
something else like that. Course you could order the tests by seat
position and then the time would be merely a walking circuit of the room.

Why I calc?
I like to know the system. I saw I could prob figure out how long for
everyone, and that it wasn’t linear. I would know for every second I waitd
how much faster I would find it. And I could compare the rough estime with
searching for my test from the beginning.
It’s a intersing systm when I decided to let them find my test for me in
such a way.

I will admit I like to be the guy whom doesn’t just walk up to get his
test back from a pile of tests. I like to be the one to go over to the
chalk board and figure out the most time efficient way to get my test

The pleura of ideas exploded as soon as I put them the first statements on
the board. I liked that board. The chalk felt rough and it gave a little
like smooth sandpaper as I wrote on the chalk board.

“You do math for fun?” Do athletes train for fun? Does the pain of
exhaustion feel good?
Course I could just watch someone look through and at some point my name
and hand writing will appear and I’ll snag it.

I would never rush out of the last class room of the day back in high
school. I noticed how hard it was for people to get through the door and
decided I’d wait until it was a nicer walk. What are they rushing for? I’d
only rush to get to next classes.

Course I used to run to certain ones but there was this other guy whom
walked and always wound up right behind me.
And I think now, “Maybe thinking your moving fast really isn’t faster.”
(depends route, route depends on population motion etc.)

My Marginal Propensity to do math is high compared with many many othyer

9:13 PM
I recall walking down steps today with my new adding machine and my 
recently borrowed library books and being all excited.
I had gotten it all for free and I was happy for it all.
I even got to type on an older electric type writer. 

I feel bad not making a movie today since it has been a few days and I 
was doing so well in the hit count department.


Rolling Thoughts

August 1, 2006 Tuesday 1:56 PM Rolling Thoughts

I've been talking to much today. Really I don't know what happened? And thinking too much. And I just happened to be more vocal than normal. I nearly blurted out that I noticed this lady I heard walking up next to me had a steps per second ration nearly twice as much as I. But I noted that she was still not catching up with me as fast. Better Notes? I thought about the efficiency in thinking out my ideas during those spare moments in lecture side topics and questions from other students. I keep imagining that line that diverges and re connects to indicate my thoughts and class activities (ie lecture) It turns my notes into a mishmash of my ideas and workings interspersed into the class notes. Another difference? I tend to go back to mine much more often. Math Major Avoidance factor I note things like I've really only had bad math lectures while here and I would go so far as to claim it's the average everywhere. And that is a big reason for why I'm avoiding being a math major. I may spend a major amount of my time working with mathematic concepts but I'm disgusted at the whole academic pursuit. Anyone can Grade I know I am to be discounted for one question on the bio quiz today. And I know I know the fact. And I'm thinking about walking up to her after the whole class is done not to get anything changed but to discuss the problem as a person to person. The thing is anyone can grade anyone. It's just that the difference is how much weight people put on the grade. Grade by a university? Respected right? Graded by a friend? Not so respected but the grade and the opinion may still exist. And still affect peoples judgments. I can grade and publish my findings on anyone I'd like. And that's a whole extra can of social and societal worms. Specialization for Me? I brought up the notion that I could just think about many different areas and purpose ideas and experiments and let whom ever is interested do them. I realize in a society of overspecialization this might be a good thing to do on the side. I'm saying, I've got a lot of ideas and I can set up the framework for... here's how to do this and that and here is what I think will really happen... but I don't know will someone do the experiment and find out? Get back to me on that. Moments of the day I'm buying my sandwich along with a drink and a candy bar and she asks, "Can I have those?" I said, "Well yeah, but I was going to eat them" (she needed to scan the items) I bet little moments of laughter are Always welcomed in everyday life. I guess I just happened to make more than the usual number of people laugh. And then some, ignition of inspiration. Binary DNA? After most people left the Lab today in Bio I sat about and brought my ideas about the information stored in DNA up. I explained how I was thinking about the 'life construction problem' the 'who knows how the structure is really developed? And how I was starting to think about simulations models for cells growth and how they collective bring structure together. GMO Fuss? Genetic Modified foods among other things were discussed and I realized how 'unpopular' my opinions on the topic were. Everyone hates them. And I could just feel the tension in the room rise. It got me thinking about technology and people. Good ol'fashioned Nano Tech People have a real problem with with humans using 'things that move' to produce products for them. Splicing in genes, making clones yatta yatta. I guess the only attractive alternative to have these thing with out the 'fuss' of the people is to go back to having machines make things because that's the way people keep their consciences clear. Oh if it's not alive than I don't' need to bring morality or ethics into it. Naw. Naw. Someday everyone will really wake up and realize the true facts. ... But that's for another time. ... There was once this little creatures that existed on the Earth. And they were all happily living about. But then these other creatures came and produced this noxious gas and it killed all the over stuff off. The gas was Oxygen and these were bacteria. But as I walked about after class I waved my arms and said... These creatures (humans) created this thing (technology) and it just happened to kill off all these other things. But hey... technology is a good thing right? I'm in awe at everyone whom feels the Earth has not got to stay the same. Gotta save these species and gotta keep this the same like they don't realize that the Earth really is doomed regardless of human intervention. Volcanos Asteroids the sun exploding. There's a time limit here. And if you were trying to preserve animal and plant life on a plant forever you'd best be aware of the ultimately futility of your efforts. Though you can enjoy it for some time.... like a really really long time. But ultimately you have to face the facts. If anything the human consciousness is going to allow things to stick around. Get off the planet and what not. Net Land Never before have people ordinary everyday people been able to talk so much to so many others from different countries. The net has generated this new ground for discussion and I hope. I hope against hope that we'll be lucky and have all these 'sane' people take charge and discuss and stop these crazy governments. It's the new common ground for which international cooperations can be forged. I really hope that it works. I hope the free flowing ideas save the world. I Choose without Choice People claim that a universe with out human choice would prevent justice from meaning anything. they argue, "how can we put killers in prison if they didn't 'decided' to kill?" And I say? We have this system. A system of society. A system of many of these complicated human machines walking about doing things. (With out choice but they don't know it) Some of those machines are destroying other machines? the rest of the machines don't like that so they are going to put those killers away. the end result is not whether or not the killers had choice but to keep them from killing. We have establish these machines are killing other machines. We have to stop them regardless. .. Why do I always read biographies autobios? I'm trying to figure out how the people that figured out got to where they are. I love to hear those quirky stories. Fenyman, Kary Mullis, and others. --Someone was interested in Neil you might be too. I should really do a movie on this guy. Prof. Neil Gershenfeld His site at MIT (there is a list of his books near the bottom) if you click on the picture on the right you can go watch video, see pictures and hear audio the movie Juggling Kids was my favorite .... The place to hear many diff people talk of things... One I listend to once <-- HIGHLY RECOMMENDED The book I read ISBN 080505880X ------

Why do I have to make my bed? I'll just get messed up again. oh yeah? Why do I have to eat? I'll just get hungry again.


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