The Video Sampler

8.15.2006

A friend of mine...

August 15, 2006 Tuesday 1:14 AM A friend of mine...

A friend of mine is constantly having a hard time with life.
She struggles deeply and even though she doesn't speak much
about what torments her I know she really apreciates someone
nearby. 
I sort of find myself on 'to bed' service. I'd make sure to
give her a ring and ask if she needs anything. 
I'd be sure to do whatever I could to comfort her.
I'd give her a massasge and brush the hair from her face.
And as she would try to fall asleep I would notice the jerkings
and twitchings. 
I can not know what she goes through. But I take away at least
a little peace of mind in knowing that I was there as her 
bad day ended. Perhaps tomorrow would be better. 
With her it's always a coin toss. 

Even though she seems more distance from me these days 
I remember what I promised. She does too.

"I want to be whatever you need me to be"

"I want to be whatever you need me to be" I distance time ago. I meant it. Least I think I mean it. All I know is that I reaffirm that I mean it every time I take those small actions. The little calls, the little moments in which I care for her. I am not to be a center piece in her life. I know she's fluid and will be pushing on as she has done and will contine to do. I know I played a small role in her life. I know I've learned much about people from her. .... begingins of endings. ..... I added more text to the myspace page. I read that 4.5% of all web site visits are myspace visits. With that said I decided to improve my page there. The look and the text and add a large larger picture link to my blog. TEXT I ADDED....

Oh Good, I am in my own extended network.

Oh Good, I am in my own extended network. So it tells me when I view my own profile. I'd be worried if I wasn't. I am a bit annoyed that I can't friend myself. I mean, if I'm in my own extended network than why is it that I can not friend myself? I guess I just don't get along with the me in my extended network... I mean I can't even friend myself. I guess it goes to show, "I ain't no friend of mine" The strange notions of friend and extended network bring ideas of set theory to mind. It brings back memories of discrete math. There's a lot of weird stuff in discrete math. Sure, we went over boolean logic, and venn diagrams but it was the emphasis on proving things that stays with me. I know how to prove things. That means I know how to derive new information from the beginnings of mathematical theory. I can manipulate standard algebra like bouncing a ball. Easy. But don't think that I'm some sort of social paranoid nerd. Really, I know how to talk with people. I get out and I visit friends. If I didn't bring up those ideas from time to time most would never know I did all the other things that I do. I suppose the reason I don't actively pursue a 'significant other' is that I don't really see why I should deal with all the hassle. I see others and at times I may be bitter about how they have always 'found someone' but then I remember the dramas that go on. I recognize the added stress placed on each of their lives by their desires. Have they re evaluated why they do what they do? Have they reevaluated their whole life? Can they really tell me that they are living optimally? I have a sort of an notion that if I were to die at the end of the week what have will I have done during the week to make the world slightly better? I figure things out. I post movies that show people how to do things. I should probably post a movie about me someday. Theoretically if I spread enough of myself in this format (the movies) all across the web I will live on in that digital space. Whatever happens to me in reality my work will live on out there. Baw. But it's not like I really believe I'll die at the end of the week it's just a psychological trick to emphasis motivation. I contemplate death from time to time. "Make peace with death before death makes peace with you" The illusion of time and of that feeling that it is far off will someday collapse. And left there, will be a morbid since of loss and of dryness. Perhaps regarding a life that wasn't well lived or lived in the manner that only a sudden onset of death could illuminated in your mind. What is your life made of? What will you be thinking in those final moments? Will you be thinking of second chances or victories? Happy memories? Or tragic miseries? It's your choice now. So make one. .....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You so OCTO!

SPECIALS

Hate download time? Subscribe to the movies via Miro! And download at night while you sleep! Miro Video Player