The Video Sampler

9.30.2006

The Game

September 30, 2006 11:30 AM The Game
Distraction and Procrastination.
Well, I realized that if I'm working on somethign I 
want to do. And then I have to stop for school reasons.
I've never made a note about what it is. And what I 
want to come back to. BUT, if I did. Then maybe I 
can fight that distraction and forget reflex. It's the 
same one that once things get busy I tend to forget all
the things I have to do... or I go back to the school things
and any one of my projects is forgotten. 
Perhaps, I can manage things more effectivly by noting the
task, last date of operation, what I want to do or still do,
ultimatly objective AND when I'll start work on it again.
Because 'then' I'll be able to say.. "yes I know I'm not working
on those things I want to work on but I'll start up again ...
next weekend"  That provides a way back in or a tag that prevetns
one from getting to distracted and never returning. 


1:39 PM
I fixed it. I finally fixed the screen problem on the lap top.
Victory feels good. Triump. yes.



Note the messed up video bars in the left image.
And now they are gone. Ahh good stuff.

10:08 PM
I'm not at Emilies party.
I'm home with a tummy ache.
I'm browsing through memory lane and it cheers me up 
a little bit to see all these old classics.
And to clean out some stuff to make room for more movies.
I'll attack and clean up the Break stuff pretty soon.
It's basiclaly 40 Gigs of material that I haven't really
done anything with. It will be good to have the space back.
Maybe, i"ll pull pieces out to use.

Amoung the things I was looking through I came accross the old 
Giftrix Movie. I also found the visual script I made for it.

The Visual Giftrix Script [pdf file]

It was the movie I mad to accompany the gift I gave to Joy last
year.... I think it was last year. I've know her for at least 
a year by now. 

I actually brought her a blanket at the game today. Before I left
we spoke a little.


At the Game Talking with Joy

At the Game [mp3] 5 min 28 sec Look. Look. A game is going on. I have a small urge to mix together a movie for today since I did collect clipage of it. But naww. It all can wait.
Cheerleaders... cheer lead. These are the other teams. The Lumber Jacks didn't seem to have anyone out there. Shaking hands before they all tackle each other.

9.29.2006

Comic

September 29, 2006 Friday Comic
Today was skipped but I dug up a comic from the last
Thanksgiving break....


9.28.2006

Audio:The Chief of Police

September 28, 2006 Thursday 2:14 PM  Audio:The Chief of Police


Audio Interview with Tom Dewey

Tom Dewey (3min 43 sec) Chief of Police for the Humboldt State University Police As I walked past the library an officer in uniform asked a question of a nearby walker. "Would you like a Soda? Free Soda! No strings no agenda" Curious, I decided to speak to the fellow and the audio is here as a result.
No Not Lines... (my mathematical thinking continues) I don't intend to portay mathematics as the problem-solution story that is so often told to newly educated persons growing up in this society .... but rather a logical wandering amoung the many different connections and possiblites between rules and reason. While sitting down in psychology class this morning I had a revelation. I was wrong. Well, more like I wasn't using the right lines. ... It's continules humbling to pursue mathmeaticas in this manner. First, it's a reminder to never be too confident until the proof is the proof. As I walked about thinking today I realized I wanted to convey the whole mathematical journey thing. As I said, it's not the narrow problem-solution thinking that is intersting.. it's the noticing patterns and finding ways to see the world and sketch upon it's detials that makes the pursuit of mathematical understanding enjoyable. (I'm always reluctant to use the word 'fun' in accordance with somethign mathematical... because I tend to picture myself as an athelet preparing for the game when I think about working out the mathematics. Training. Is training fun? Ask an athelete.) Well, about the lines... Not that different I guess. Doesn't really change anything. Just nevermind. Other things... It is a good day. I'm installing a new OS on the laptop. Though I'm a bit nervous about the glitch in the screen I'm hoping that a complete install will fix it. ... I hope that's not just wishful thinking for I have no basis to judge on. I was out and about today. Feeling awake and glad for once. And then I got packages from the post office and cashed a check at the bank and returned home even after getting the Linux disk for the laptop. (Glancing off to my right I can see that the laptop is running Ubuntu much better) It's not really a mac anymore once this is done.
iMovie 6 has numerous effects filters. One frame of one trial caught my eye so I captured it...

9.27.2006

The Myth of Shifting

September 27, 2006 Wednesday 9:11 PM The Myth of Shifting

I don't know if you were awake at the time...
but somewhere in Pre Calc someone might have mentioned something
about shifting a graph. 
Were you paying attention?
Well don't feel bad about it. 
I've thought an awful lot about shifting graphs to 
quote unquote 'move them around' but it's not real.
Really. A line is a function in analytical algebra.
y = mx + b  and if you add a value to the right hand side
you move the line up. And if you subtract a value from the 
right hand side you move it down. 
Simple? 
Now, someone points out the possibility of subtracting or 
adding a value to the x. This is suppose to 
shift the graph over right or left depending on the sign.
...
And it seems to work doesn't it? Indeed, behold if I 
write y = m(x-h) + b I move the line to the right.
If I write y = m(x+h)+b I move the line to the left. 

It's shifting... isn't it?

No. Not really. Think about it your changing the 
right hand side of the equation, and further more
it's either a higher value or a lower value... like
before. 
So why is it that it 'looks' like the line is shifting?

Shifts are a myth. They don't exist. 
And further more I can tell you shirting and adding
k are equivalent by this equation -mh = k
Which means that if you had k that's like a shift of
h = k/-m  See? No such thing as a shift it's merely
adding a value with a ratio in front of it. 

So I knew this. I 'knew' this now. (the thinking dates back
to August when I scribbled out the equations on the first page
of my class notebook) 

... But now...
I began to think about it again. I started thinking in circles.
Circles also obey the mythical shift law. You can move them 
all over the place and it really 'looks' like they are shifting.
but what is going on?
I had an explanation for the reason lines looked as though they 
were shifting but circles? Now that was a whole new question.

But was it?

Today, while siting with Liz in the EOP place, I preformed
a similar calculation.. only this time it was about circles.
"interesting" I muttered out loud. Can you picture me there with
that pad of equations in front of me and going, "interesting"
to myself. It's a common thing but not that common.

Anyway, I had just noticed a similarity. It looked as though
the circle shifting depended on the intersection of 2 lines
with h and k as their parameters.
I had a headache this evening but decided to go about the graphing
these lines and the corresponding circle regardless.
And so I took a picture.



The thing about it is that the lines don't cross through the 
center of the circle.. but the point of intersection of the 
lines IS related to the circles center. ... well somehow.
I know this because I tried different values to see what would
happen. 

But the lines... the tell tale lines were showing me something.
I reasoned that shifting doesn't exist in the lines. 
But they still 'look' like they shift when you move them because
they are made up of infinitely many points. In other words, you don't
notice that they haven't shifted because there are always more points
to move into the spot you 'think' a line segment shifted to.
That's confusing and hard to explain here. (in fact I don't fully 
understand it) But it's something. Something I could think more
about and explain better someday. 

Here, the intersection between 2 lines was moving. Although each
line can only go up and down... the intersection between them could
be made to move right and left. 
Fantastic! Here it was a literal shifting and not just that 'fake'
shifting that lines or supposedly doing.

The circle looks like it's moving because it's related to these
lines somehow.... so how does that 'somehow' work?

9:37 PM

9:42 PM

Now. (shakes off the mathematics viewpoint)
What exactly is going on in regular life? 
Headaches. in short. But I hope things get better soon.
It's hard. I walk through the day with a headache and I 
wish for relief. 
Maybe I'll relax again. The way I used to.


9.26.2006

Shawn Cast

September 26, 2006 Tuesday 6:51 PM Shawn Cast

A Quick Chat with Shawn. [file photo] Listen to the short ShawnCast.mp3
Could something in my life go right? Is that too much to ask right now? Whom ever built my life has to go back and start over because.. really.. it ain't working out right now. I just want one thing to go right. Just one. Please. .... I finally took the first telecom test. And I hope that my grade is reasonable because one can never be sure with that guy. If things aren't exactly right then it's wrong. That's the way it is with him. 9:47 PM It's pretty gloomy for me at the moment. I'm tired from it all and wish I could throw the towel in and take a long break from life. But I can't so I have to drag myself forward and rise to the challenge. ehhh

9.25.2006

Mov. Happy Birthday Me

September 25, 2006 Monday 9:57 PM Mov. Happy Birthday Me


Happy Birthday Me

Watch Happy Birthday Me
(It will look like a white box unless you have the codec)
Trouble viewing?
Try getting VLC
or with QuickTime Xvid Codec
It's my birthday so I state the fact in a movie.
Stressed is not a thing I like to be on my birthday but here I am... stressed. And it's due to all the tests coming due around this time. ... My birthday just happens to be right around that time when tests are so it's never very fun. I wish I could just upload to blip and have their converter work so that my Xvid encoding just shows up in flv. .... I'd back of of the uploading to youtube because really it's just a hassle only, people find the movies there and not from my blog. (this thing) So, it's just one big pain to have to upload 2 or 3 times to post one movie. I was excited to find out that the lab macs had webcams built in. It was exciting. The best moment of the day. (The day didn't have a lot of good moments)
youtube hosted version...

9.24.2006

September 24, 2006

September 24, 2006 Sunday 1:36 AM
Polar Graphing is one of my favorite past times.



2:38 AM



Woo! I'm getting better at my trade.
I just played a sound file without actually playing the sound file...
It's very cool to be able to access the data and really understand
what I'm doing for once. Now, I'm on my way to making that humming software
as long as I can figure out the algorithms....

12:46 PM
There's a peaceful sweet spot in the morning... before I really get frazzled
I'm calm and can tend to things with clarity.... I should meditate or something
later in the day .. but useally I'd rather take that afternoon nap to 
reset.

10:01 PM
Headache... but more like ready to call it a night..
only.. I spent the day working out Telecom homework and Study
and now.... I have Poli Sci to do... but it's not like I didn't
do some of it before... it's just now it's really hard.



9.23.2006

Weekends? What weekends?

September 23, 2006 Saturday 7:52 PM Weekends? What weekends?

Weekends? What weekends?
Really? My worries take no break nor can I really force them
to. Oh I can try and bury them.. but when I get to thinking...
about it all... it's too much.
And why is it that my birthday comes up right around the first
midterms? I can't do anything about that....

There is much I haven't done... and a headache I do have.

...

I rode out while there was light. And under that golden light
of the last bits of the day I rode down the hills and felt
the wind and arrived at the Aqua house to find Brant, Jessica and
Alyse putting up a sign. I helped out and joked about lots
of different things. This is what happens when I get too worried and
too stressed.. I try to run and find people to laugh with.
And it sort of helps... for a time until I have to leave and come
back to my responsibilities.

Excessive concern isn't healthy. I suppose. But it is a naturally
selected trait. Not that I'm arguing for continuing to be stressed.

How doth one let go? Really. Things have been put off over and over
again because other things keep coming up. And I hate it. 
I have to finish this jury duty thing before I set appointments for
the health center.

9.22.2006

Equations and Video Chats While Sick

September 22, 2006 Friday 1:15 AM Equations and Video Chats While Sick

OLD NOTES
========================================

Much of what you learn comes from the experice of having to pull somthig
off. To do that... you must seek out and apply skills and knowledge you
do not possess at the begining.

Much of what you learn isn't in the class room but the trials and
motvations that lead to other things.

========================================


3:57 PM
If you start to feel sick... it's a good time to rest up get home
and sleep and tend to matters. 

SIDE Thoughts
There are some equations stronger than others.

The Pathagorine theorme and other geometric equations
are very strong and based on aximatic thinking from 
opening prepositions. 
They form a foundation of mathematics without influencce from
outside pressures.

Some equations, say parts of statical analysis do have
values taken to be 'traditionally used' as in the p value.
There isn't a proof for the value but a rule of thumb to use
.05 or so to indicate enough differecne.
The fact you get a value is okay though. It's how willing are
you to belive results given the final number produced is up to 
human choice.
So, though equations are formed well... the final conclusions are
influnced by people. 
The outcomes are not as strong as the pure geometries existant
in the many diff. geometrical analysises of the world.

Physics equations describe patterns in nature and are generated
in sort of an ad hoc way at first than used vigirously as though
the opneing ones are 'true' for the sake of useage. 
While there is powerful evidence to indicate that the world those
equations represnt is correct they are not supreme and on questioned.
Newtons equations explain the world as we see it as regular human 
beings walking around... but Einsteins principles and Quantum mech
describe the world on much more fundamental levels and manage to 
explain 'this one' (the one we see) by deriving Netowns equations
from their theories. 

I love noting to myself THAT IF the classical Newtonainian view is easy
for people to see as 'the world' than all one would do to help support
a larger more encompassing theory is to derive Newtons equations from
that theory. In other words, I equate preception of the world as we know
it to be Newtons equations.

Physics seeks to explain the world the best it can and in doing so
the equations are mere pattern representations that are secondarly to
the overall objective. The secondary nature of mathematics in physics
causes physics to take short cuts, finick the detials and take and 
leave the equations as they see fit. 
F = ma is not as solid as a^2 + b^2 = c^2
Since F = ma has to answer to real observation where as
the p. theorem does not. (noting the diff. geometries that can be produced)

And What I especail don't like to see....
is someone making up a bogus equation that sort of has reasoning
but.. not really. When all varibles are built in on a whim and
there is no regard for underlingy support.

(There was an equation that proclaimed to help you decide when to 
get gas on your car trip that I critized for being complicated and
not founned on anything that i could see.)
It's misleading to think complicated equations are special just
becasue they are complicated.

So... if I point out to myself correctly....
The Strenght of an equation is based on...
1 Rigours reasoning and support (aximatic with clean postulants that are carefully choosen)
2 How it's ultimately used (equations in physics are like sketchs of the world)
3 how much human's can influence the outcome of it


Based on the critera my hair cut equations would not be a good one.


....
on other notes...

The Uses of mathematics or the attuitude about them could
be very mechanical or very creative.

Making correct Change is strickly operationally based and
.... mindless really. 

Large Imaginative Theoretical Mathematical theories...
are on the deep end but not without their charm.

There's some place in between where people seek to
paint the boundry between 'math that doesn't matter' 
and 'everyday math' 

I picture it like the place where land meets the sea.
I love to walk along the shore while watching how
the deeper mathematics interacts with the world.
===========================================================================

7:43 PM
Earlier...



It was amusing to finally get a video chat with someone other than my 
family. Even more so since I'm trying to ignite a company with this guy.
We converse more regularly and I pointed out that regular acknowledgment of
goals helps one not to forget.. so things are moving in the right direction.

I feel tired still. But I also think theres things I could
should be getting to but am not. .. I'll give it a rest though even
though somethign nags at me... I mean I was thinking I would visit
Redwood today. But maybe a call would work too.

9.21.2006

Mov: Talkin Head

September 21, 2006 Thursday 11:38 PM Mov: Talkin Head

Talkin Head

When was the last time you were a talking head?
I feel exhausted and I think it might be a bug. Ack. Today is over anyway. So I'll just sleep it off and hope to feel better in the morning. It was like in the middle of the day as I walked to my bike to ride home when I realized I should just ... be a talkin head asking viewers what they thought I should do in movies.

What would people like to see me do in movies?

blender video how to's and explainations? physis movies? mathematical investigations? Daily life? movie making tips? I'd like to know what is most wanted. anyway, I've been compling and working with gpasm in order to set up a way to program microcontrollers on my machine. Goings are slow and I'm compiling a lot of stuff but have yet to really figure out what I'm doing about microcontrollers. ... Today I caught Wes and got my Physics 316 binder back. I enjoyed reading over the Guitar Music entry. I really need to make that movie. .... It would be so cool. Ah, that's a day. NOTES from while in LAB today And if Liz gets sick and needs money I would start a fund drive to Save Her Like if she needed 200,000 for surgery or med expenses and I do a human interest piece on her. Then I could prove that people can leverage the common good and collective to support people they care about. and that the community can do a better job than going to private self-supporting industry interests. Another demo that it 'CAN' work that the ana. arg. means things about people and people in a position to help should help but aren't required to. .... my mind has been a blaze with ideas I think. It's a strange feeling. The feeling of thought. I can sense when my mind is on overdrive and filtring and thinking about many different issues and jumping around them. Mostly right now it's on "The Humanity Machine" and politcal theories. And reminders of "The Push for Thoughtfulness" .... I had a note that some people enjoy movies I make and encourage me to keep doing them.... that's a good thing. So I should try and deliver. least acknowledge them and why I don't make them all the time. .... something like... I could do more movies... that were by default on daily life. I could do that but I usualy filter out a lot and make a movie with a purpose. But I 'could' Does the audience want me to make a boarder range? I'm listening. The thing about having vloggers keep track of the news is that one could conceivable talk to them and it's much better for more and more people to take control of the net as a medium for a 'larger democracy" or perhaps a better word would be critical citizenship. .... I find myself more relaxed but feeling good when I'm allowed to pursue my thoughts to their full extent. Though I'm not alawys up to it... nor was I always spending time on things in the past I take a larger part of my time to work on the stuff that matters. I have a habit of rising to the challenge and making a movie when I firmly belive it matters. I've been influcence recently by a lot of things. Even the text based messaged movies. Coin Levy and the Redhat one. more notes later.... END NOTES

How was that Talkin Head thing done?

Oh, without going into great detail. I first collected a movie where I kept my head in one place the whole time. Trying to minimize motion. I use GIMP to punch a hole out of that background movie. ... technically what I'm doing is collect a mask where the white represnts a bunch of pixels of 1's and the black part is bunch of pixels with 0's So that when I go into Blender I can Multiply this mask with the movie and punch out my face. Since the MUL option of the Scene Sequence Editor means multiply pixels of images together the black (0's) create more black in the movie while the white (1's) leave the colors alone. In other words, it's like punching a hole in the footage. Nice eh? Blender always me to play my movie in the camera view so that I can keep track of the actions while I animate to it. I can load an wav file to be my voice and animate on cues from that too. The IPO curves are somewhat complicated but the premise is easy. Punch out my face. Stick it on a card. Move the card around and get a strange 'talkin head' movie. Biggest problem? I didn't get a clean punch so it was really annoying to have the white line on my right side. (CAM Right) Dang. Next time I'll use some black cloth to hide the edges.

9.20.2006

Head Ache Day

Septmeber 20, 2006 Wednesday 11:03 PM Head Ache Day
My head hurts so much that I can't function for the rest
of the night. I'm going to just have to go to bed and hope
that I feel better tomorrow. 
That said, there's not much motivation to write though all
day since I gave my quick voluntary presentation on sites
on the net I got to go up and demo wiki,internet archive, wayback machine,
and youtube even though I didn't do any specail movie for it.
I think I was memorable.  Well... people applauded at the end so 
I did something right. 

Though this is the day I have to bike down to the post office to
send mail certified. And then hangaround campus waiting for a policcal
science Constitution day gig. 

I have to write a paper about it. But since my head hurts it's tough to 
write .. right away... is things have to wait. 
I tried to take medicine but I gagged a bit.

I think after that positive injection success I was off walking about
and thinking about a whole lot of things. And so my mind was on 
high gear with Area D Social Science ideas. It all bleeds together 
even as I sat listening to presenations from a Humboldt Count Defence
Attorny and a Relgions Stuides major after some survey results were
presented by students. ... they didn't seem as well put gether or as well
presented as they could have been.

11:09 PM

I noted earlier as I walked by the quad some older fellow 
decrying the place for not stopping the cyclist from biking through
the quad and stuff. I even walked back past and saw the officer talk
to a cyclist then come back to say he couldn't talk about this with
him anymore. .... And I think.. now what is she (the cyclist) going to 
go off and tell people? Who she was singled out but only I saw the 
full story unravel. Welll... not the full story but I coudl see that
she wouldn't have been stopped had it not been for the old man complaining
to the police. I wonder what happened?

I studied pollitical theory for much of the mid part of the day.
In prepartion for a test that now will be on Monday. It makes
no difference to my study schedule.
Oh yeah, I also printed prop papers.

Well, the day would have been fine except for the headache.

9.19.2006

September 19, 2006

September 19, 2006 Tuesday
Whoa I think I forgot to post.
It's been reasonably exciting here tonight.
I was just getting Moodle to run on my computer.
And thinking about a way to demostrate (with paper props)
what's going on in the computer world to get files to
your machine.

I have to start telling myself everything will be fine.
Or at least for now. Everything is hand-able.
I'll take care of things as I relax and get to work.
yeah... ... yeah.

9.18.2006

September 18, 2006

September 18, 2006 Monday 9:17 PM

I should be feeling more nerve wracked at the moment....
but I don't. The things I have to do are getting down.
Gradually. And the extra things I would like to take care of
are being examined. 
I suppose I should read up in preparation for the up coming tests.
I'll get to it.
But presently it's 9:18 PM and I have a bit of time to breath
before another round of crazy stuff goes down.

Maybe my act is coming together. Maybe I'm growing, (and experiencing
growing pains) in response to that growth. 
I see openings. I see alternatives.
I think the minor course of my life turned away from the 'social'
and back into the 'work' (if it ever was) and I think that's a good thing.
There should be days for 'hanging' but there should be more times when
I'm in purist of my objectives. And the only way to pull of anything
is to work for everything. 
So what if this means I'm barred up night after night rattling the cages
of my brain to accommodate success. 

At least I'm not stepping on any more social land mines. 


And someday... I might be back to that old self. The old social self
that I used to have. .. But that's a long way away. 
Besides, I've felt so bad about not taking care of these things.
It's about time I did take care of them.

I'd be letting myself down if I didn't...
and ta think... I have been for so long.

It's good to grow.
Someday, I'll finally feel relief. But right now... every moment
is a bit rugged. Every breath is a bit war torn. 

I'll know when to take a vacation... but that's not anytime soon.


9.17.2006

September 17, 2006

September 17, 2006 Sunday 1:32 AM

Welp, the hit counter crashed back to normal.
I knew it. I also knew I wasn't putting up the regualr 'good' stuff.
Least, not fast enough to hold any interest for anyone out there.
I'm sure I'll have a decent line of good movies on some other blog
of mine and perhaps then... it will be worth it for someone to come 
back. 
It's a shame though. But I knew it would happen.

6:46 PM
If this was me writing in my journal the old way I'd mention
that I biked out to return a biology book to Jacob. It took
me near the Arcata Fair where I locked up my bike and walked 
around a bit. Then rode to Philly Chees Steak place for dinner.
And rang Joy's doorbell. No one there. And then I'm mention
how fun it was to visit the Aqua house and talk to Marshmallow.
Before I went to Westwood Market to buy soups for the week, plus
a salad because I need things like that to keep myself alive.
Nope. The journal these days doesn't have stuff like that written
in it. 
It's more.... just brief notes and explelling of 'the tough times'
I find myself in these days.
But someday, it will all lift and my readjustment will be complete.

I suppose now that I'm back in I'll nap a bit... regain the strenght
after that long outting and set to work on my academic stuff before
perhaps doing some of my own work. 


9.16.2006

The Tasks Towards Victory

September 16, 2006 Saturday The Tasks Towards Victory
It feels like I've been writing all day.
And I just want to stop. Because after a while the 
words start to blend together and it's hard to stare
at the screen. My eyes just lock up and it feels like
I'm dying. ...
If you must know, I spent basically the whole day 
writing a research paper. One of several that are due every
2 weeks, and it's not funny. Literally hours of work on each on
and there's not much to show for it. 

With all that's happened I'm just not the same as I once was.
I guess half of that is for the best. For now I really can 
focus on working on things. The people aspect of life fades
ever more the more and more I get into what's required of me.
I can see now just how much of a distraction it all was.

It's not that I didn't ride my bike out and enjoy the sunset.
I made time for that in between writing and quoting sources.
it's not that I didn't spend some of the time watching a movie.
it's just that overwhelming feeling of .. 'argh I have to spend
hours on this paper' well it gets to me sometimes.

I noted a question I asked myself a long time ago, 
"How much time do I have to spend doing what I need to be doing
in order to succeed?" I was referring to the whole goal contract
deal and my lack of effort each day towards the goals. Though
that's not entirely true. 
I realize.... if I didn't know how much time to spend I'd have
to be safe and spend it all on the tasks towards victory.
That was quite hard when I had this drive to actually get out
and hang out with people.
Lucky or not That part of me has died off. A little or a lot.
I'm just generally wary about people now.
For the moment, I'm a lot more untrusting in general.
This wipes the smile off my face and causes me to question
the  smiles of others.
least at some points you wonder whether someone is genuinely
smiling or... just being polite to someone they dislike.
...
It's possible.

But regardless of the whole people issue.
I'm finally doing what I should have done a long time ago.
My work... well not quite yet. i have to do all the academic
stuff .. and then I'll do my stuff...
If I can do that for just a day here and there....
and then a day more and so forth..
I'll get to where I want to be...
there isn't any other option as far as I'm concerned.

9.15.2006

Unbearable

September 15, 2006 Friday 6:13 PM Unbearable
I used to be a happy guy. But these days... I'm just not that person.
To many different worries. Too many different stressors.
Too much hassle. It's all too much. 
And I want it to go away. Is there a way I can pull that off?
I thought I had a technological solution but even that would take
time to implement.
It's like feeling trapped in a mountain of work.
So called, 'Educational' work. This is suppose to make me better at something?
I can't stand it. 

I guess the only way to do both things. ... my life aspirations... and the
academic work 'for now' is to start one night at a time.
Only, I think social life will suffer. As is already has.
What kind of effect is that having on me?
Could it be part of the reason my mood has crashed so dramatically?

Why is it like this right now?
I don't feel like weekends exist anymore. They're just more days
to get up and do what is 'required of me' 

All the while I walk around during the day with my hand making a fist 
every other second. It's like tension is building and beging to shake
my core apart. 

I hope a nap helps. ... yeah maybe a nap.

11:40 PM
nope. not really. Not much change except now my back adn neck 
hurt becaus I slept wrong.
Haven't achieved too much anyway.
blaw.
Did learn about the BASIC Stamp microcontroller and I know what
I want for my birthday now.


9.14.2006

On the Bus

September 14, 2006 Thursday 10:02 PM On the Bus


On the Bus

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I had never really taken a bus to anywhere. Not by myself not for a cause. But I finally did it. After putting off the thing for so long. Least now I know how to get into the next towns over.
There's no place like the bus to remind you about all the people who can't afford cars. That is unless they choose to ride the bus anyway. The whole thing took from 4 to 7 before I was back at my door. But I had succeeded. I guess it's not that special. It's just something I avoided doing for a long time. But as I walked about in the Mall for the first time by myself... I really enjoyed it. For the first time I'm in the mall not being pulled this way or that or having to catch up or find people. It's just me. Just what I want to do and just where I want to go when I want to go.. provided I'm back at the bus stop at the appropriate time. The kinds of people I saw there. It struck me. I watched as the bus driver leapt out to help a mother put her stroller right side up. Seemed like people really care. ... dang it, it took 3 and a half tries to get the screen shot of the movie up. What is up with these net resources lately? I still have to tend to much homework. grrr. Stuff takes a lot of time to do... it's too bad that never comes across when people visit the page. .... I don't always like to use youtube for my movies because you can't download the movies from them and sometimes I don't want all the extra commentary when I know my movies aren't really made for it. Besides, I have to upload a 15MB file twice on a 54 kbps connection. It's not always worth the time. youtube also has a bad habit of messing up the quality of the image. It gets to me sometimes. I'd prefer people to just have the Xvid codec and watch the clip directly.

Cooking up something new...

9.13.2006

Clock Alias Demo

September 13, 2006 Wednesday 12:22 AM Clock Alias Demo

Clock Alias Demo Clip

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Do you know what Aliasing is? It's when you have a signal but the rate at which you sample it makes it look like a different signal. ... maybe a visual would help more. ... You see in this clip I have a clock running at a constant speed and two shutters flickering at different rates. In on shutter the clock appears to move forward, while in the other the clock appears to be reversed. It's the same clock but each shutter provides a different view of the clock at different moments in the course of it's motion. On one further note I wasn't smart enough to come up with this visual metaphor. I read about this example in my Telecom book and decided to make a computer animation of it.
Response to a note: Thanks for the note. Yeah, I have been down. Even more so since I found out about other things. 'addicted'? I guess if someone fishes around long enough in the old posts they'll be wondering what's next. Lately, I haven't been my usual self so a lot of movie type stuff I would usually be doing isn't going on. It's a shame really. I get all these extra hits and I'm not putting out the goods. 2:43 PM I'm contemplating a skeleton journal. One stripped of the writings and left with the chronological events in a timeline order. I think I could write a program that reads the same output file in as input and modifies it. I don't like calendars because it's not always immediately obvious how far apart thins are. Somethings look like they are further away than they are. One would have to count the days to be sure and it's inefficient to me. I want to just scroll through a timeline of past and future deadlines. Besides, I think a lot of the use of keeping track comes from when and what happened on a certain day. I might even elaborate it to organize my work better. 10:21 PM It turns out that I'm ALSO summoned to an LA Jury. Imagine that.? two summonings in two different places. I was begining to think I was going to make a movie today too. But it's going to have to wait. Though I think that if I go on my little adventure tomorrow I'll have plenty of interesting footage. 10:44 PM It's getting late for me to do this but I wanted to exhibit the Clock Alias metaphor. 11:32 PM I did it. No back to school work.

9.12.2006

Life Management Failure

September 12, 2006 Tuesday 10:58PM Life Management Failure

"the thing about being wrong, is that you can 
become correct fairly easily"

   One would think that someone scientifically minded and whom likes 
to collect data wouldn't have so much trouble keeping track of those daily,
weekly and monthly matters that make up life. Well, the parts of
life that have to do with dealing with bills, meals, transportation and other
civil requirements.
   The first step in making things better is acknowledging failure
in the first place. Only then can any progress be made to correct
the problems. I wouldn't say they are easy or offer up one time one shot
solutions but would rather acknowledge that the basic way in which
I run the mechanics of living have to be altered if I am to pull
off anything. 
   I don't feel good about anything. I don't feel good about people either.
Not right now. I've fallen into a vicious slump and attempting to put
the pieces back together in order to climb out. 
The thing about bad news is that it just becomes news after a while.
And you have to move on with the knowledge that you'll deal. 
I'll deal with things. And in the future I won't think so much about
them because I have dealt with them before. 
   In the end, all I can do is grow. In the end, all I can do is adapt
and learn new skills in order to pull through even harder times.
The greatest mistake so far hasn't really been, not know what to do...
but not given sufficient effort in doing what I know should be and has
to be done. 
   I can think of nothing more shameful than to be the same person whom
could pull of complex computer simulations but still mess up a food budget.  

My energies just haven't been in those mundane daily rituals of economics 
life. 
They have to be now. It's time things changed.
And I'm already reeling from earlier shocks in the month.
I can't take any more bad luck.
I'm going to spend every minate and make every decision in order
to fix it all. 

...
And then, come back to the real work of my life.

9.11.2006

Cap a Tough Day with Bad News


September 11, 2006 Monday Cap a Tough Day with Bad News




I found this... David Copperfield Parody yep, That's basically what magic is if you knew how the tricks are done. 2:39 AM Search terms, journalism ethics,plagorism,propoganda I worry about cryptomnesia sometimes. Especially academically. AFTER A LONG HARD DAY IN COLLEGE CLASSES 7:44 PM I was already feeling bad. And then disjoint over social issues... But then I get home and I find a Jury Summons Notice. And this is the 2nd time I've gotten one of these. And now I feel sick. I even found a water bill that looks way too high. What gives? This is the second time this water bill has looked that high. What is happening? What is going on? ... I have to start managing my life better. I don't think my present skills are going to cut it for all that I want to do. ... 8:13 PM Attending telecom class is minimally helpful and maximally annoying. Not a good mix. And the fact it's at the end of a long day of being in class on and off since 11 Things don't feel good right now. They just don't. ... man and this mag. subscription bill is late already. Dang. I have to build a lot more stuff into my weekly routine. Do I even have one? .. 9:40 PM though reality can be hard to take sometimes I think the more events I put behind me will eventually pan out.

9.10.2006

That'll be the day.

September 10, 2006 Sunday 3:47 AM That'll be the day.


Kristina and I

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5 min 25 sec. Despite me feeling exhausted I hung out with Kristina today. I didn't put any work into editing. I just wanted the movie to be the movie. I wanted a piece of the day in vivid detail. The rest of the day was sub par anyway.
Quote from the end of the movie. "I'm the only one that I know who can put their feet on the ceil." Not the best Sunday. It's so gray and bleak outside. It almost matches my feelings at the moment. At times... especailly when I get up in the morning I feel overwhelmed. And I don't think things are going to get any easier. I feel exhausted and as I mentioned the sickness might be progressing. At this rate I'll be slumped over my test on Tuesday. What a way to start classes... barely able to move to them. I felt so sorry about feeling so tired while I had company. Perhaps, next time I'll be up like I usually am. ... 8:22 PM It's hard to work right now. I need to sleep. People. Many kinds of people, doing what they do. It's boggling to me. Far too many varibles to put up with. Sometimes I'm out and about... well once was anyway, but now I enclose back in to the inner world. The World of the digital arts. The world from which I will re-appear once day to demostrate that I can pull off everything I ever mentioned to anyone. That'll be the day.
Shot from working on the logo project a while back. A recent spiral partical animation.

9.09.2006

A Textual Trail of Life

September 9, 2006 Saturday 11:41 AM A Textual Trail of Life
 I get up slowly... and sort of annoyingly.
As I wake up I think about all the things I don't want
to have to do... but have to for one reason or another.
Sometimes I think about the stuff I want to accomplish.
And that reminds me of all the work that is going to 
go into it. And I get tired again. 
I want to keep sleeping just to prevent the day from
coming. But it will. And I will be awake. 
 Waking up into everything again can seem like to
much sometimes. I think about interactions with people.
Everyone. People I know well and people I don't know so
well. ... and it seems a bit much sometimes. 
Maybe I won't really be able to handle all this mess.
It's too hard at times. 

11:49AM

I work on my style sheets. They aren't as hard as I 
thought. Easy really. Compared to all the other stuff
I attempt to learn... easy. And I consider the changes
I'll make to my blog template. They'll be intelligent
changes this time. I know what I'm doing finally.

The push came out the necessity for improvement and 
creation of a number of new blogs in order to focus
my attention to all the fields of interest I have.
Intend to make them good enough to be useful to people.
I know a ad hoc personal blog isn't. 
Not unless your a socialist or psychologist wanting a 
case study of a person. Which in that case this is a pretty
valid choice for sample material. I wouldn't mind getting
a letter someday telling me about how my blog was involved
in a study and that they have interesting results to share
with me. .... I'd be delighted that this textual trail of 
life was somehow more useful to others as well as I.
As I said before... I love to watch how keeping track affects
things. ... even if sometimes it leads to very big problems.
I'll accept the risks because I feel the greater benefit.
 
8:10 PM
I think I look at my jounral. (this online form of it) and
I reason out that it's not that helpful to anyone. 
And of all those people I would be the one to want more help
from having it. So what do I do?

I'm still in the process of shatting it into bits.
Splintering off fractions of what I work on and re assorting
them into a new array of checkable web content. 

I feel that the effort will be very worth it.
I'm really glad I founded a writing one too.

8:31 PM
All my resources come from all over the place.
blogspot hosts... net archive supports media..
youtube,blip and goog hold movies. And I create 
all the content. 
It wouldn't be possible to do and to show this much of 
my work without every thing. I used to think I would be
more contained and I was make and use what I came up with
which would include a friends server ... but clearly
my mind has completely flipped since then.
I'm all about... economical division of labor and service.

"I'm all about... economical division of labor and service."

11:52 PM There's lots of vibration coming through my wall right now from Josh and Alex's party at 'this place' I went up at the begining and a few moments ago. People were dancing... and taking off clothes. Where's Alex? He isn't even here yet. What gives? I'll conclude todays post on this note. Hope the police don't come knocking. I'm a little afraid of opening the door these days.

9.08.2006

September 8, 2006 Friday

September 8, 2006 Friday 
I teach myself CSS Style code in the computer lab after
the SE meeting. No one really understands what to do
for the Software Engieering class project. Since now
there's only 4 people to do the whole project we're pretty 
much together on it. Even if 'all together' means we 
have no real idea what to expect. 

==== in fact I wrote down some thoughts that occured to 
me after the meeting while sitting in the computer lab
===
it's overwhelming that every student I meet is bascial
slanted toward calling their class work pointless.
It's not that they don't have good reasons for calling
it pointless...

1. It's just a class.
2. It's for a grade from some guy.
3. You don't care and won't really do a good job anyway

But it's work.
Don't you think that if you do work it should matter?
What makes work matter?

The way I see it we have all these people writing and
working and researching but society isn't gaining anything
from it. They're just 'doing it for their grade' and at
best it's not always that great... but
if you say..
No.

No, I'm doing this for me and for humanity or society or
to use for the future than yes it's worth doing many times more
than 'just for class' And at the same time good work
is rewarded in the class regardless of why you do it.

Think about it.


A paper you got a C on might contain really interesting ideas
regardless of the grade someone gave you.
That same paper could be electronically published and
discussed and become more than what it once was.

So why write for the class... 
when you can write for everything else?
The professor just happens to be 'one' of the people whom
sees the paper. 

Why stop there?
======================================================

There's motivation where ever you find it.
Make sure your working for a 'real' purpose.

I think this all mostly comes in respose for weekly 
mega research papers I have to write for the SE class.
I felt that if I was going to spend a lot of time on
them I may as well make the best of it. 
There's no logical reason not to.

...
I got on the idea of making essay movies. 
After I research and think and write I could make
a movie that presents what's in it and gets someone
to want to read it. A promo for a paper?
Just thinking marketing style. 

....
My other classes are not getting enough attention 
as usual. The hardest most demanding class takes
the most bite out of my educational drive.
it's hard to pull myself up to handle other
things.

But I have to.

9.07.2006

September 7, 2006

September 7, 2006 Thursday 
I used to think that I was going to go into business
and do everything by myself... but I quickly found out
that the only way to successful be in business was to 
utilize all the resources others put out for you.
That's like saying.. I went from thinking I had to design
all my own stuff to... go out and find out what everyone
could do for me and use that its best effect.

So, I use PayPal for monetary transactions not only because
it's easy but because it works in multiple countries.
I use cafepress and lulu for print materials and reproductions
of items I design.
I use and work on open source solutions wherever possible.
I use various video hosting for the movies.
Basically, I started doing everything with little to no money
down and just the time and energy put into the skills to pull 
myself up.... though that hasn't happened yet.. I think it 
can. And I need it to. ... Soon.

....
I was thinking about how the web was really made up of
particular popular sites. They become the reason to 
keep coming back to this or that when not just searching
out information. 

1:27 AM 
I've obtained a newer version of Jahshaka and the free version of Icarus
I'm on my way to total Open Src Media development.

9:01 PM

Note on Facebook vs. Myspace
"I see FaceBook as a cleaner and more filtered database 
for knowing people where as Myspace is more of
 a ad hoc do whatever see what ever be bothered by 
whom ever. I think facebook has research potential."

9:52 PM
Eh, I know the hits are going to fall back down. I should go 
back to work as though not to much has happened. Where was I 
then? I think I was in the process of opening up like 6 new blogs
to divide the ideas amoung them. 

10:34 PM
I have a very strong urge to make and post something
but my headache is telling me not to.
Oh well.

9.06.2006

Toss Me a Bone... 800 HITS

September 6, 2006 Wednesday 11:07 AM Toss Me a Bone


Thank You BlenderNation

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DIALOGUE Let me tell you something. If you wake up one day to find out you have 800 hits because someone actually found your movie and posted it to their site. You'd feel pretty excited... pretty excited. I was amazed when I first saw that... and like (gesture of amazement) Oh my gosh. Thank you very much for discovering that little movie I did. Awww Thank you Thank you. It made my day, really I was just having a horrible week, seriously so THANK YOU BlenderNation! END MOVIE
I guess every once in a while, the web tosses me a bone. === note I left on ========================================== It was a complete surprise for me to wake up today and find myself on BlenderNation. You can not know just how thrilled, surprised and honored to be mentioned here. I mean, I never thought I'd actually be noticed by anyone. And all this time I've been making videos thinking, "I've gotta do better next time" What comes out is always miles shorter than what I had in mind. But this is all very encouraging for me to keep going. Thank you all. =============================================================== Whoa. 800 hits today? I was really excited to see that. It jolted me out of the slump I was in and back into the 'getting down to business attuitude' What's funny is that the day's before were at an all time low and then this? I am so delighted. It deserves a movie even though I feel a bit sick and dizzy. ... I like to think that the chances of some of them there hits hanging around are probabily pretty good. Least that is if I act now. 5:38 PM The thing I find extra interesting is the fact I was working on that logo for that person for free and the video I do about it just happens to be one of my most viewed ones. 10:15 PM I'm felt a little dizzy today and I don't think it was from all the excitment over the hundreds of hit counts. I've been exposed to many sick people recently and I hope I don't get any worse.

I would always laugh to myself while looking at my counter stats joking about how someday it was just going to jump... and that day came.

Much to my shock.

9.05.2006

Social Land Mines

September 5, 2006 Tuesday 9:16 PM Social Land Mines
What could possibly have broken the chain of steady posts?
Something big.
Something very big that ruined my life for about a week and a half straight
and is technically unresolved but I'm getting more used to it everyday. 
Doesn't mean I haven't written. 
Just after getting burned for a message I didn't intend to convey made
me think twice about a lot of things. 
I'll be vague because I want to move on with my life and I was
silenced and decided any attempt to bring up part of the subject could
end in another disaster or perhaps someone coming to my bedroom door
and threatening to kill me.

So I stay silent. Perhaps later I'll fill in the blanks in this 
black week of my life. The whole situation as I see it has profoundly
affected me. ...
I suppose I'm much more 'work' oriented now. 
Figures.. if you walk through a social field and step on a land-mine
you tend to stay on the roads. 

....
So will existing posts be posted? Perhaps. Or perhaps not. 

I'm not okay with anything.
I'm just learning to refocus on other things.
End Item.


Drew this a few days ago.

I have a fondness for the Render Edge feature in Blender.

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