The Video Sampler

12.27.2007

12.03.2007

typo-tastic

December 3, 2007 Monday typo-tastic

I would like to note for my future refernce that when giving the choice between being hungry an tired and having to chose whether or not to sleep or eat. Sleeping is probabily not the right choice. Eating is a good idea for you gain nutrients and will wake up better rested when you 'finally do sleep. ... I now have the expereince of making the wrong choice and its strange because I've never taken the nap when given the choice of food or nap.

typo-tastic - the description of my typing behavior during internet instant message chats. (Lindsay Dec. 3, 2007)

Facebook study is catching more of my attention. I actually began looking around at other applications last night as I did research for how to write my own. And I relayed out a question that I didn't really intend to e mail people with. But it happened. I realized that facebook couples content and feeds in a way that few people even have to know what a feed is to use. It therefore becomes an excellent way to create entertaining material that I know will pop up on screens of people I know on campus and perhaps much further away.

12.02.2007

Flickering Lights

December 2, 2007 Sunday Flickering Lights

The flickering Lights tell me its time to post... even if it's a little premature. But in the effort to make sure to text in some words for today I know not what to speak of it. So I will not speak but merely generate a place holder for later reference.

12.01.2007

Quiet Tired but Fine

December 1, 2007 Saturday Quiet Tired but Fine

It's late now and wind begins to pick up here and there outside. And I await the computers next move on the chess board next to me. I sit in the crisp warmth of my office/living room/kitchen and breath relieve at the fact my final java programming assignment is done.

I have much to do to manage my digital accounts and much much more work to be done to wrap of classes but for the moment. I relax as much as I can knowing I have been through a lot in the past several months and I'm looking forward to more clam and predictable events.

Sim City has a vastly different feel when I actually am old enough to contemplate the games simulation and identify just was is going on. ... However I have no idea why I'm getting traffic reports after I bulldozed every street. Well the problem went away once the population went down to zero.

Notes Section

When kids become grown ups. Punch Out Rock Out via collegehumor.com I never saw this until now. I never thought of skating on treadmills. Impressive. 8 treadmills 4 guys viral net classic

11.29.2007

Nothing

November 29, 2007 Thursday 6:30 PM Nothing



Notes Section

Data Discrimination I like the sound of that. Though I hate what it stands for.

11.28.2007

November 28, 2007

November 28, 2007 Wednesday 8:57 PM

Notes Section

150 that matter What I would like to do I always wondered what those things were called. Water Strider Sounds like an ample supply of interesting mathematics. Crack of a Whip But be sure to follow the trail to the papers.. The Fellow is from University of Arizona "# Whip waves (PDF) T. McMillen and A. Goriely, Physica D, 2003 # The shape of a cracking whip (PDF) A. Goriely and T. McMillen, Phys. Rev. Lett 2002, 88, # 244301.(PDF) " Brain Teaser Thou Shall Post! a Link!

11.27.2007

Avoidant Personality Disorder

November 27, 2007 Tuesday 12:03 PM Avoidant Personality Disorder

"Some studies report prevalence rates of up to 45% among the people with a generalized anxiety disorder and up to 56% of the people with an obsessive-compulsive disorder (Van Velzen, 2002)." Avoidant_personality_disorder
Notes Section

I enjoy living in the world of humanoid robots Twendy One Watch the demo video. and instant answers to my questions... Answers to my questions I just wish there wasn't so much strife. Nice example of control engineering

11.26.2007

Outlined Day

November 26, 2007 Monday 10:26 PM Outlined Day
Here's a day at a glance.

  • Three Good Things for Today
    • Discovered Awesome Quantum Mechanics Book
    • Obtained Reg Code for Microcontroller Class
    • Was a Hot Shot in Java
  • Philosophical Idea
    • Subjectivity Rests in Objectivity
  • My Knowledge Obtainment Algorithm
    • If you can't know. Explain why.
    • If you can know explain how
    • If you could know but don't know yet.. Find a process that will lead you to the idea
Notes Section

A few lines of Code? Millions of loss dollars. I love this major. Great Disasters in Computer History I can't believe I have to wait till 2015. Dang. Humanities last chance might get here too late. ITER (The Movie Presentation) Mystery Swan? Zara? Rosie? No Lindsay?

11.25.2007

Anti-Social Peace

November 25, 2007 Anti-Social Peace

I feel more at peace. As though I can finally relax.... and it is a shame that that comes right at the end of this so called break. A break I wished I could have ironed out more things with my new site.

But nothing about this break went as I had hoped. And it all awaits the next time I am allowed to progress. ...

Progress works like clockwork when social issues are nullified. At least that is what I find. I find peace when the social world dies down to a slimmer or less. And I began to focus once more on achievement. the very achievement I stake my life on.

It would appear that I am feeling far more anti-socail now that I have seen what can happen from being social first hand. With tight lips I mutter silently to myself about the facts. And I wonder... is it finally over?

Can I finally return to the womb of my mind and start anew? Can this world let do just that?

If I were even to consider to go so far to say I would not go with anyone else anymore... I would soon be betrayed by millions of years of evolutionary strangle holds for its my own hormones that would betray me someday into forcing the lonely hand into tipping the social hat. While I understand that that may be the case for now... I feel turned away.

I feel like the sullen hole left after a mortar blast in black dirt. The smoke rises gradually but nothing is there unscorched.

I feel that even typing betrays me for the first time I'm far to keenly aware of my audience to write with a clear mind. It makes me want to make it harder to read in all the ways that I could find. Be it tactical vagueness.... Turning Tests... or even problems to solve before viewing. Ciphers and other sorts that would seem paradoxical for someone to publish items to the web then wish to make it obscured. ...I shall remind those people that non-local storage is the blessing that i utilize via this method. The readership is a mere secondary experience. ... And perhaps an experience I'm wondering whether I could do without.

11.24.2007

Nothing Left

November 24, 2007 Nothing Left

I write this as the last grains of sand fall through the night. I do not really want to look at my computer anymore. I have had enough attempting to do things and should probably begin to consider a walk through a wooded forest or a stroll on a beach with a notepad and a camera. .... I shall retire for the evening... and extract my 401k plan from dreamland.

11.23.2007

Sick

November 23, 2007 Friday Sick

I had tried to go to bed early tonight. I had spent most of the day with a throbbing headache and was starting to feel slight nausea... so I thought sleeping was better than trying to finnish my history paper. And so fell into bed hoping to sleep it all off.

But I awoke to a mysterious phone call. No message. I thought maybe it was Joy and called her to see if something was wrong. She had said the power was out at her place and perhaps she needed something. So I called. And it was not her.

I went back to bed and after I had fallen... I was awoken again by a phone call. This time I was shocked to hear whom it was.

I tried to go back to bed again but this time I could not sleep very well. So I got up and started typing. .... I suppose I'll work again on the paper so I do not wake up with such a thing over my head.


You know, I wish I could go back to that beautiful place. The place where the water meets the land and the rock... but I couldn't bring myself to go. Its a shame I don't feel I can now. I have a far sadder memory attached to such a place and I can picture myself going and just sitting on a rock .... not being able to enjoy the view.

Notes Section

Math you need for GR Immigration Skilled – Independent (Migrant) visa (subclass 175) Martin Dougiamas Perth, Western Australia

11.22.2007

Mourning Sickness

November 22, 2007 Thursday 12:30 PM Mourning Sickness

It's hard to describe that feeling of dreading when I awoke this morning. It was sort of a draining feeling of not wanting to get up or do anything despite the fact I knew I had to. And so I awoke but continued to lay. And then picked up my Hilbert Book and attempted to teach myself the math behind quantum mechanics.

Actually, I made good progress in my understanding but still was not able to shake the feelings. I try not to think about why I am so affected and instead refocus on the tasks at hand.... but every spare moments seems to hold a tinge of the remorseful melancholiness I long to get rid of someday. But in these times I can not.


Though recently my work on the new sites is exciting I find it ironic that I'm not even allowed to get as excited over it as I would have in the past had events not come to pass recently. Now, it seems more laboring without feeling over excited but maybe just a little content when I make software work out. ... What a shame.

Although, one interesting note was the wonderful fact I got to see my journal inside an SQL database and so I was able to query my own entries. This shall make other tasks much easier. And despite the amount of homework that is making the accomplishment of my tasks harder (or at least delayed) I'm not far from styling all the pages and then figuring out a distribution method for the movies via the site. I want to make sure it has a good RSS 2.0 feed with the right data to be used for Miro.

So, the only thing done so far is the installs of all the different software I will be working with to make dailysources a reality and give me more control over my own journaling. I still have not set up the digg style article submission code.... which I am still searching out a solution for. ... At this point I should probably attempt to conclude the break by settling with something simpler... something working well enough to show off at the end in order to gain more support.


....

But wait.... even after all of that..... all of the down I realize life IS far to short to continue to paralyze my emotion. I need to rise again. For it is my duty to succeed at just one simple thing... being alive and moving forward. .... So I go to sleep after this off kilter day.. hopeful. Rather than dead.

11.19.2007

Loss

November 19, 2007 Monday Loss

How as I do know just how much focus I would lose over the loss of a good friend. A friend I had looked forward to doing so much with. A friend whom cheered me up so much in the brief time that I had known her. This is truly a social disaster and I find it hard for myself to get over the loss.

I find myself with a wandering mind when I know I should be focused. I find myself feeling tired and drained of life from thinking about the loss. I find it hard to focus on my self assigned (but very important) tasks. And I find it troubling that I feel unable to work knowing that there are people whom hate me living in the world.

It wasn't always like this. I was once optimistic and alive with possibilities and it never seemed like friends were things to loss. I know now for I have been broken from my dreamy slumber and it appears that the signifier 'friend' holds a lot more weight than I ever thought.

I suppose now I will have to force myself deeper into my own work.... to escape the mess I have made of social worldly things.

11.18.2007

Being Responsible

November 18, 2007 Sunday Being Responsible

I'm sure she is fairly angry with me. I suppose that's a standard human trait. And I have a feeling she wasn't letting on to it when she left. And so I feel bad having had to do what I did. Knowing how things hurt others but feeling that to say nothing is far worse.

I know this because for my entire life I have always been 'just the friend'. Did I ever think then when given the choice I would opt to be just friends? With everyone? Have my few experiences so far lead me to believe that 'just friends' is where I always was and shall always be? Have I decided that being unattached is more important then gaining from social experience?

I believe I can understand why a lot of social things happen the way they do. I think I can understand now why Vi waited so long to tell me straight out. I had always hoped until that one day when she did. And then it was a like a sledge hammer to my heart. ... I thought I was a fellow whom didn't hurt people.

And all I can think now is how bad I feel. .... Though I swear I did the right thing. Because not talking is never the answer. Because I've heard too many stories where people change behavior hoping that the other person will 'get it' But it doesn't change the guilt I feel now.

The right thing isn't easy to do, nor does it change the way I feel right now. I feel sad, hollow, guilty and remorseful that things happen the way that they do.



If only I was always just the friend and no one cared to have me as anything more... ... well back then things were much much more simple.

Now it just hurts to think about it.
Even more so to long for it.



11.17.2007

First day of Break

November 17, 2007 First day of Break

By now I've had enough breaks with the mentality of researching what I'll do after college to finally get it. to finally bring it all together. I need to set tehse posts apart with a light blue div.

I can now pull out what and how breaks have gone in the past and rehash or explore the trends as I discuss how I'm going about this one.

Notes Section

Using verses keeping a journal. I did a review of my journal in this entry Farewell 2006 I think I'm very different from that Chris of 2006. And big ways. In a lot of ways 2007 destroyed some optimistic aspects of me. I didn't realize this next post had the whole replay reality thing. Empty Walks

11.16.2007

Code of the Chris

November 16, 2007 Code of the Chris Code of the Chris
You are compelled to arrive .5 to 1 hour early to stake out the place.

You must locate bathroom access upon arrival.

Check Locks a minimum of 2 times. (5 recommend)

Always check back for missing items upon
departure.

Memorize your day plan to enact with extreme focus.

Notes Section

I wonder if the computer will update whenever I mess with the .DS_Store .... Ballet with icons would be fun.

11.15.2007

Continued Thinking

November 15, 2007 Continued Thinking

My thought process continues as I begin to unravel all the complex ideas that ride along with transparency as it has come to be known in my rather extremely small circle of support. The discussion today, hinges on the contemplation of what materials to generate in response to the lack of understanding this topic has. Due to its anger inciting nature I prefer to have all my logic in good order before promoting the tow line.

That is I would prefer to put up some metal plating around my glass house so the stones don't destroy my restful place of living.

So I embark now upon a set of summarizations for myself over just what I should create to unveil this story. I think I must begin by refuting those whom have always told me,

"That everything sounds good in theory but probably doesn't work in real life."

And to you good sirs, you ladies and gentlemen and logic jockeys... to the Backyard Philosophers whom would contemplate this and that with out care or conclusion..
I offer the short Philosophers manifesto, Idea Matters

It provides a window into the past alterations governed by the use of theory and outlines the roles that ideas have played as ideological shifts in history began to alter the course of society. If theory and theorist don't matter than why is there a board of Economics advisers working for the government? It was only after the the stock market crash and the Great Depression that having good economic theory suddenly became important. But the fact is people had learned there lessons and were ready to listen to theory when people were made to realize their fragile well beings were at stake.

The point must be made in order to proceed with any sort of discussions about a society that is right now hypothetical but at the same time eager for discussion. The next piece will need to discuss The Vicious Right to Privacy and its deep rooted and respected place in human life. I can agree it is an important thing but while I propose the arguments for it I will challenge those whom value it with the responsibility to protect it. And I would argue that in order to protect the right you might need to rethink what that right really means. And in the end those whom will steal your privacy can not be stopped themselves without some careful watching. Hypocrisy at its finest? You be the judge but don't ever think you still have a choice as we shall find in the next piece....


The Illusion of Alone

For it is far to easy for people to give up information about themselves for short term gain without contemplating the full scope of their decisions. Your privacy might be there in opinion but not in fact as this world has had a clever way of keeping you in the dark while your information floats free being bought and sold over the market or stock piled in third party nations.
....

Notes Section

Subgroup Disadvantage If a subgroup favors and applies how disadvantaged are they from the rest? The Rule of History No more rehashing. Unequal Process With all the facts there... the power rests with how well anyone can make use of the information. Deadly Dissent Useful Mr. Anonymous Empowerment verse Detrimental Re Imagine the Story Lines The End of Cheaters The rise of Reality Stalkers of the Stalked The Jerk Ratio Perfect Study. (The End of Stats) Legislative Loop Hole Just what does present day privacy and image control allow? The Turn Over How do we get from here to there? without the police state tendency? How much is enough? Daily Decisions What policy can you adopt today? To benefit in your life? Much is based on Only then can true acceptance begin The Eyes of God In gods eyes right? See's all? Can you guess what you would be capable of? But how careful would you have to be? For everyone else has them too. Play Nice Kids. Humanity is still growing. Will it survive long enough?
My other stories are about programmers in a non stereotyped fashion. Case Study Moodle Everyone has access to the information but only some choose to use it. Social Networking Sites Why Roommates Drive you Crazy? The psychological impact of non-alone. Mandatory Peace Will countries ever get along? If it's obvious I suppose.
A legal person how far could a Corporation go without a human in control? Now that's interesting... Obama policy critique.

11.14.2007

Solidification

November 14, 2007 Wednesday Solidification

"I don't negotiate with people whom terrorize me." (Chris 11.13.2007)


I'm told that how much, and what I write is a thermometer of how well I'm doing. Though I'm sure some readers would argue for to them it seems I have a split personality over what I write and what I talk to them about on the phone. I believe they feel it is skewed towards harsher facts in text and more mellow phone conversations. But I can not be certain for I am not them.

Personally, I thought that the ability to post a movie met I was at the peek of my routine-ness for it meant I was taking care of everything and still had managed my time enough to be able to spend 3 hours working on something else. But lately, posting is difficult.. but slowly turning around.

I debate with myself over whether or not to create a movie mourning a bit for how things once were and demonstrating the seriousness of how things are now. I think it's because I'd like to post something in recognition that although it may look like things are normal they don't feel entirely that way. And any upbeat excitement I display in a movie may or may not be as genuine as it appears....
But then again, I think I'd rather wait until I could handle showing up in a movie and being the way that I look instead of looking the way I wish I could be.


As I walked about today, my mind was on fire with thought. I spent a considerable amount of the walking to and from class in a huff contemplating all the things that have happened to me as I move through this existence.
And I believe I was reaching a point of solidification for what I am to do about it all.

As it dawned on me, in my mulling, that I was doomed either way I went. The world would love to tear itself apart with me in or out of it. And I realized that its present course almost assured it. It was at that point that I decided that proposing a way out. A solution. Was far better than sitting back and letting the world destroy me without a single punch thrown on my behalf.

And so my thoughts turned towards a curious little, yet complicated notion about the best way to banish misleading information from the world. And to not stop at that, but to proceed forward and show light upon all areas of the ugliness of society where ever human begins feel they can feed in the ick of the dark.

I do feel that once revealed, those individuals whom form the grime of society will scatter like roaches.

But before that day comes... if it ever does.
I know I will take my stand and fight for it for the rest of my life.

Because I can not stand everyone getting away with everything forever.

It must end.

Notes Section

Empirical History IS the only History .. If I was president... I would.... put in a system of direct democracy for the Executive branch so that my decisions were the peoples. They could never refute the high gallop poles for they would be the ones whom decided. Talk to my Ghost. If I programmed an AI with used my journal as a semantic net I could procure a very interesting way to discuss my past life experiences. My favorite sentence from this post... But then again, I think I'd rather wait until I could handle showing up in a movie and being the way that I look instead of looking the way I wish I could be.

11.13.2007

Reluctant to Type

November 13, 2007 Tuesday 10:52 AM Reluctant to Type

It feels different now. I feel reluctant to type and many nights in a row I would miss a post. I'm told its best to get back to normal as soon as possible after traumatic events so that your doing things that are positive and constructive to place some distance in your mind.

Perhaps, the problem with me is that writing and posting seems related to the traumatic events in more than one case and it now feels hard to want to share thoughts or write with the knowledge some people read the postings. ... I had written so long ago about my excitement to have more about thoughts up and since then having been burned for doing it I have a more sober outlook towards sharing.

But I hate it all the same for no one takes the time to offer constructive criticism. They only use the means and information to their own violent ends. And for that I mourn the loss of comfortably posting for there is nothing wrong with truth. But the people whom hear it and disagree with it.

There are certain issues in my life that I will die for. Or at least die while spending my entire life trying to explore and understand their world changing aspects. I know I do not 'yet' exist in world devoid of lies or deception. And I understand hurtles, millions of miles tall stand before humanity and the promise of true freedom wrung about by the retraction of selfish and ill understand rights. But I can not begin to tell you just how much better life would be if you could only give up something you 'think' you love in order to gain The Eyes of God.

For in the end it is truth in an empirically recorded world that lives on unbiased. And for the first time in history.. humans could do it. They could someday chose light. But they seem more likely to trust the dark that comes with human modified history as it is written down on bias paper.

11.12.2007

Nov 12, 2007

November 12, 2007 Monday 9:25 AM

""While an Illinois state senator, Obama was key in getting the state's notorious death penalty laws changed, including a requirement that in most cases police interrogations involving capital crimes must be recorded"" (Barack Obama Page)
http://www.vote-smart.org/
"The US needs a country called 'Privacy' so that they can invade it." (Chris Nov. 13, 2007)

11.09.2007

Oh CIA you Kill me

November 9, 2007 Friday Oh CIA you Kill me
With luck, not literally.

I love the fact that this is on the CIA site... "The CIA is committed to protecting your privacy and will collect no personal information about you unless you choose to provide that information to us" CIA Page

I also noticed this. "Congress passed the Freedom of Information Act in 1966 and amended it in 1974 to allow the release of more national security information. Congress also passed the Privacy Act in 1974, which permits individuals to request information the U.S. Government may possess on them."
Better research that one some more.

Notes Section

Fasinating stuff. The Wiki Scanner and Virgil Griffith Wiki Scanner A way I would preferably not like to die by. Mattress A common problem indeed.

11.08.2007

After events?

November 8, 2007 After events?

This deserves an epilogue... or is it not over? Maybe it will never be over. Maybe I can not find a way to write a decent epilogue to an on going story. Though I wish I could.

As I have stated before, when events in my life become overwhelming the writing grinds to a halt. If I could just get through an entire year where I have written everyday then readers would know that I have

I look more to the journal with a sobering smile. I began so earnest and idealistic with freeing my written words. I find at times I burn myself on the caldron of reality.


And at other times? I ignore the simple fact that it is out there until roughly stirred from my

....
Alone is a feeling I have often debated. I have discussed numerous times in the past the difference between alone and lonely. I have thought over the consequences and rejoiced at various aspects of the long elusive melodrama that has transformed my entire life into a stream of text.

Conjured.. whenever those whom incur feel like it. I spend tonight at home rustling among my math papers looking for a way to pass my math midterm tomorrow. With all that has happened I have not gotten a chance to think clearly and frankly about my studies. The effects may show at the end of this semester when the reaper of grades draws its lathe ever closer.

...
You know I'm sad when I grow more poetic don't you? And I write as though talking to people because I've become more aware of those whom have read this trail of thought.

And my feelings towards that? Mixed. More mixed than they have ever been before.

Notes Section

I IMed with her... Nikol on WSJ! She's featured in this article. She's one of the creators of the Mid West Teen Sex Show. http://midwestteensexshow.com/
So I've been gone for 9 days? That's a fair about of time.

10.31.2007

OFF RECORD

OFF RECORD

10.30.2007

Crying over the Keyboard.

October 30, 2007 Tuesday Crying over the Keyboard.

The Long Sigh
How fitting that for Halloween I would deal with the scariest thing.

There are so many media channels for which to use today. People always have a bias towards in person talking. Even when I feel I can better express my perspective in other ways.

Tapes always have 2 sides. ... but really they don't. Topographically speaking there is only one side to a piece of paper... the outside.

I'm afraid to talk to those whom have seen so vividly the other side of a conflict for I am afraid that they may never understand.

And so I have tendency to cast out something to explain my side before a discussion with those people.. should I manage to work up the nerve to reach out and explain before my personality is skewed so far that I can barely glance at anyone who walks by.

The story is a long and complex one. But the parts that concern the recent actions are merely the tip of the iceberg.

The day I broke up with her was not on her birthday.
It was the same day she decided to go to the 5th floor of the tallest building in Humobldt County and sit un top of the railing.

I had found her there by chance for I was hurting quite a bit as well. And I liked nice views when I feel pain inside.

I turned and gasped at seeing her there. And thought.... I can't let her do anything. So I stayed there holding her rather than tending to classes. She told me to go but I knew what was more important.

The worst part of it all is that it is a horrible reason to breakup.. to have to break up. To say that I've spent so long with her crying in my arms and telling me she doesn't want to exist have taken their toll on my consciousness. It begins to make me question myself.

And she feels so alone for everyone she every lets in she finds they can't handle it and they leave her. What motivation does she have to keep living?
There are no easy answers.

But on that balcony when I held her tried heavy crying body...
I felt trapped.
I want her to be safe... I'm happy when I feel she is safe.

And so I could not leave her. Instead, I walked her step by step... down the stairs of HSU until she collapses in front of the pick up drop of point near the library. She laid there while I biked home to bring the car back and take her home.

And when I finally went home I could only lay listless in bed thinking about my best friend and wishing that she could actually be okay without me.. but being terrified that that wasn't the case.
.... I called later that evening and picked her up.

When she was over that night we were both missing each other. And both crying.. for breaking up was not what we really wanted. I wanted my first real love to be someone whom could walk with me through life... but I found it increasingly difficult despite anything I did to manage to walk with her.

And so we made up a bit while I felt I had no other options. She must have seen the warning signs but chose not to believe them. The way I would talk somberly. The moments when my gaze would move off into the distance.

She had told me about how important her birthday was.
And I said I would take her to dinner. And I spent the whole week prior making a movie with happy moments of us together. I thought that all the hours I spent on that would give her something to watch when I couldn't be around.

Apparently, I was wrong for it didn't matter at all. All those hours I spent putting together a montage of us being together to show she had someone were wasted in a moment when I split secondly decided to stay elsewhere.

Don't you see? I knew I had made the mistake to stay away and I felt it in my soul. I felt the worst. But nothing would ever have gotten through to her. None of my words would ever have told her and had her believe me. That I felt responisble for her because she only hung out with me, and let me in on her wishes in non existance.

The truth is I didn't break up with her on her birthday. I broke up with her weeks before. But she realize till then.

It it might have been the worst way for things to turn out but I'm sure at some point something like this was going to happen. After I had made my mistake I was to afraid to go and find what I knew I would find.

It had already been so long because she also tell sme she wants me to be happy. She tells me to do what makes me happy. But I know its one thing that she says that and another to see her try to say it through teary eyes.

The hours dragged on while I tried to distract myself.. but in the end I had to go home.

In which after I arrived before I had even walked into my door she pulls up. Yelling and crying in her car forcefully handing me a stuffed toy I won her at the county fair months ago.

I knew she couldn't be alone tonight. So I begged her to come in and stay. I told her I understand that she thinks I'm a jerk and I don't deny anything but I pleaded that she not go.

So hours went by with her yelling but I held her in my arms despite the fact. Despite the fact it hurt so much. I told her she could be in my arms when she needed them. Whether be it upset, or happy, or sad. They were there to hold her.

At this point I had been up for nearly 24 hours. And she could see I was exhausted. I knew that if I fell asleep she would leave. She told me so. So I fought to stay awake. I knew, that if I had to, I would stay up all night for her to make sure she would be here. To make sure she would be alive.

When Monday came I decided not to go to class. Because I knew she wouldn't be out of bed. Instead I called her and went out to do errands. And asked if I could bring her food. I know she doesn't eat when she gets like this. So my mission was to bring food and cheer her up enough so that she would eat. And for a while that day we were both happy but soon when she knew I would have to leave she began to cry once more.

I know it looked cold. It felt cold. I could not wait any longer to leave that day for I can not always wait for to be on a temporary up swing before I must return to my responsibilities.
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And I walked to the front door then stopped upon hearing her crys growing louder. And my face writhed into the biggest frown I had ever had. And after the longest pause I pushed through the door and left.

After I had driven to the grocery store parking lot. I got a call from her. She sounded more together but terrifed for she thought I was going to leave her life. I told her that I was still in her life. And she tells me she has seen it all before. People say they will be in her life and then leave. But I never make such statements for I told her that, "I am in her life right now." And to not worry about that for now. I would never say something I could not stand behind.

I told her a long time ago. I told her the first time we really spoke. I said I'd be what ever you needed me to be. And a boyfriend is what she wants me to be.
But a life line is what she needs me to be.
And so far I believe I have kept my word through all the years I have known her. All the years I held her when she cried.

I do not know what the future is and I will not agree to anything that I am unsure that I can come through with. Which means that anything I do say I know I can stand behind.

So all I can say right is a reassurance that, "I AM in your life!" I haven't left. So please keep living so I can keep seeing your smile.
The world needs it as I am sure so many other whom love you need it.

.... but here is where the story become interactive.
For those whom read my perspective have a choice.
I'm hoping that by this point they do not feel taking sides is any solution at all. I would hope that they would work with me to provide a larger support network for my best friend in the world.
The only one whom can start a sentence and have me finish it.

I want anyone to see her walking down the hall to give her a hug for simply getting out of bed is the greastest struggle ever for her. And she is trying so hard to stay with us all the least any of us could do is put aside some time to give her the hugs she needs to live through the day.

For it is breaking my heart to know that I can not be the one to single handedly keep her with us.
So please for the love of god.

As a guy whom is typing this from his soul and is now crying over the keyboard.

Please for the love of God help her! And help me.
Because I love her so much and I always want to know she is in someones life. And let her know that I still want her to be in mine too. Even if I have failed her so much. I don't want my failure to be a reason for her to leave this world.

......

And now I will have to go to school before anyone has ever read this and take those looks from those whom do not know my perspective. And though I am afraid they will be accusing me of ruining her birthday I hope they will read this later and realize the full complexity of the story before they decide never to talk to me again.


Very Sincerely,

Chris B. Stones


I've been real afraid this October.

10.28.2007

Stay on the planet


We could always complete each others sentences. And I hope she stays on the planet.

10.26.2007

Friday

October 26, 2007 Friday 3:18 PM

"One man's Fact is another man's Fiction"



I made sure to find a way to clean my room and talk.


Good idea?


well until you want to take it off. Removal is a bit difficult.

10.23.2007

Friend on Myspace?

October 23, 2007 Tuesday 1:10 PM

The day I meet a friend on myspace....
... will be the day the spam is smart enough
to hold a conversation.

Donate to Wikipedia

10.20.2007

Radio Silence

October 20, 2007 Saturday 4:50 PM Radio Silence

It may of well have been like passing on the other side of the moon. For the first time I turned off my home phone ringer... and set the cell to vibrate and slept. I do not know how long... but I know I really really needed to sleep. And so I made absolutely sure that I could. I even went up stairs and asked my neighbor to quiet the music.

And just now I got up again... while realizing that 6 o'clock was going to be approaching. So I decided to restart the day again.

Today had been the infamous GWPE or (Graduate Writing Proficiency Examine) and I spent a solid 2 hours writing "by hand" in the neatest writing that I could. And I was glad to be done. After that I was fairly exhausted and I made a trip into town to find a hair cut but was left empty handed. ... No cuts on weekends.

So, then I biked to a grocery store after a few other odd happenings. And was so tired and so worn and so hungry that when I returned I was not in a good mood.

And so I turned everything off. And napped and now I'm all better. I think.

10.19.2007

The Best of Chris World!




The Best of Chris World! 

This is a look back at some of the great moments in Chris World Movie Making history. It's a Bunny I sing in reverb all the time. During My Break (The old version before the new 'better' music is added) Continuity Errors Funny movie errors. News Cast One No Idea I have a lab of scientist working round he clock to get me a date. And it has the line, "This is Chris World. It's a family show" The Feel of a Shot What is the difference between... EXT. FIELD - DAY MALE walks to or away from camera. ANd INT. HALLWAY - DAY MALE walks to or away from camera. What sort of feel do you get from the same basic information? Ready to Rumble Router The fight is on when my new router refuses to work. Get a look at the part when it whacks me. This movie also includes one of the movie previews. Intermission 3 Video Overlays I show how to add CG effects to movies and it helps a lot of people. Digital Addiction I don't like that 'game' that much but the effect is why I include it. For Pet Lovers Guitar my me. It also features the cat that opened the screen door and let itself in. More Like Zay This movie incorporates footage from last break. Pure Chris World Can you figure out what Chris World is yet? The Music Thorn I lament the fact I'm forced to use only music I have the rights to. The Cuts make it more erratic to convey my mood on the issue. July Rewound My memory has a lot of static in it. The Unfilmables Watch out for that black box... And check out the hilarious voice changing. Chris and KJ Keep watching for the CG add ins. And the hilariousness of the bleeping. Jump Cuts Sadie didn't know why I was acting the way I was at the beginning. Life Review March The Journal Effect. Old Measurement Movie Very old school. Take a look at young Chris. Trust me... better ones exist in the future.

10.18.2007

Google Search Future

October 18, 2007 Thrusday 11:56 AM Google Search Future

I wish I could type in a url and know the future. I keep wanting to know what is going to happen to me so I know if my here-and-there pessimism is somehow justified. I'm usually happy but that is when I'm not thinking about the future possibilities that await me. Talk about TMT.

Moodle skills are godsend though. I have skills that fit well into a university. And I fit will into universities for I like the nature of the place. Also, education is generally funded during hard times. And since the skills are world wide I could go elsewhere. Not to mention the Moodle HQ is in Australia.

Watch this video and do yourself and the world a favor and DON'T vote for Giuliani.

Notes Section

Fact Check on Giuliani http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/ Oh I completely forgot about the electoral college.. Just vote for the guy whom shouldn't vote for him will ya? I didn't know I was almost as old as an NES. NES Retirement 1985 - 2007 http://digg.com/add-digg?OTC-widget Aww you little fish.
Ah the country that sold its letters... "The State of Tuvalu had, for example, sold the rights to the "dot tv" appellation." Link

10.17.2007

Am I getting Sick?

October 17, 2007 Wednesday Am I getting Sick?

It is hard to tell for I spent the latter half of this day with a headache and its company grew old fairly fast. I tried drinking water. I tried sleeping and I tried relaxing in a hot shower. ... All those things help but as soon as my heart rate moves up or I tense again its back so I'm trying not to stress over anything.

I just need to get quietly through the night and perhaps rest in tomorrow to make sure I'm okay. All the while I can't seem to find those vitamin drops I had last time. At least I have an arsenal of cough syrup should I wake up under siege.



I've been thinking about a certain sequence today.

"When I die and become fossilized I hope I'm not hung up over a food bar"

Commensalism
Notes Section

Geometry Police Call Dispatch binascii has the encoding I need

10.16.2007

Everything

October 16, 2007 Tuesday 3:08 PM Everything.

Looking for a solution is part of creating a solution. It's been about an hour and a half and I think I now know how to solve one of the FTN basic problems


now past Midnight

But I've done it. Everything I set out to do before the end of my night. That hasn't happened for a long long time. I can't even remember the last time I succeeded in completing everything before bed. I only wish I could have spent time on one more thing... my movie. If I push my bedtime to 12:45 am or so I could do it. That's not impossible given that I'm able to sleep well enough most nights to wake up alright at 7:30am.

Notes Section

I call this clever marketing. Whack a Murdock He's just everywhere isn't he? SIGGRAPH PAPERS ROCK! Rendering for an Interactive 360-Degree Light Field Display OR 3D Star Wars style! Wrinkled Flames and Cellular Patterns
It's nice to have a notes section. Sort of a way to say, This is what I didn't bother to really write. So don't expect anything. Course, I lost my note tags for a while so stuff should have been in here but it wasn't.
This weeks programming homework took 2 hours. Not bad. Kind of a rush job though.

10.15.2007

Apples?

October 15, 2007 Monday 11:12 PM Apples?
Someone writes Chris:

> what are you feelings towards apples?

Apples?

I suppose your asking whether I'm pro apple or con apple, eh? Since I do not know what context your asking me this in. I'm finding it difficult to come to a resolution regarding the matter of apples.

If your speaking of the edibility. I tend not to eat fruit. I eat vegetables, I love pastas I love candy bars. I started loving water after 8 trips to the dentist.


So the general answer is no I do not like to eat apples.

I do like to go to AppleBee's the restaurant. I happen to have a 25 dollar gift card left over from my birthday. However, I don't like driving myself there. ( I tend not to like to drive into Eureka. My mind simply doesn't like to go 'one way'


And now, may I ask why you ask?
And if so, then Why do you ask?
-chris

10.14.2007

Criticism should NOT be Anonymous

October 14, 2007 Sunday Criticism should NOT be Anonymous

MORNING
Hosted via blip... I feel like going back to blip... because the tube lets me down so. But my hit count went up to 40 probably because I have 50 subscribers via the tube... so I've always been reluctant to leave... however, I like the blip player better and I'm ready to cave to have my video re-hashed into it.

I awoke with a lot on my mind.


Criticism should not be Anonymous

Here is why.
I understand criticism is a useful thing. It can be heard and then accepted or rejected based on the suggestion merits. And I do mean it needs 'suggestion' Simply insulting intelligence is not criticism. Also, once criticism is delivered.. It is up to me to gather how much weight I should put on the opinion I must know from what authority it arises.

For example, should I receive a comment from a math professor about my math papers being in a horrible format. I would take that criticism and adjust as needed. If nothing else I would reanalyze why I do things the way I do.

If a comment stems from a Anonymous source I can not decided whether that person has alternative motives or is an expert in their field. (even if that field is human social endeavors) Therefore I only have the merits of the comment on which to judge whether or not it is of value to me. More likely I would re-evaluate why I do things and decided whether being made aware of them is worth reconsideration. Often, I do not find that is the case.

However, I am talking of localized human criticism. Not criticism about government or institutions which would require anonymousity in order to protect those whom state their opinions. So the distinction between sorts of criticism is important.

In the end I tend to examine all possibilities even it I'm emotionally blindfolded for a while. Later on all ideas sink in to some extent. Ultimately, I get to do what I wish with anything that comes my way.

Listen with a grain of salt....
and in the movie I have a grain of salt next to me.
Notes Section

Word Count this year: 78857 words (so far) 273 Title Lines Yeah, and behold my powers of parsing. As meek as they are ;) 1: January 1, 2007 Monday 3:40 PM Movie: It's a New Year 93:January 2, 2007 Tuesday 2:50 PM Movie: For Pet Lovers 145:January 3, 2007 Wednesday 3:26 AM Movie: Meet Jackie 195:January 4, 2007 Thursday 3:25 AM The Night Quest Mov: Saving Memory 289:January 5, 2006 Friday 1:26 AM Movie: Video Overlay 334:January 6, 2006 Saturday Movie: Into the Past 376:January 7, 2006 Sunday 391:January 7, 2007 Sunday Strength of Character Mov: Movie Texture Movie 452:January 8, 2007 Monday 2:50 PM Movie: Change of Perspective 515:January 9, 2007 Tuesday Movie: Digital Addiction 544:January 10, 2007 Wednesday The Coldest Night. 647:January 11, 2007 Thursday 8:01 PM Hard Sometimes 683:January 12, 2007 Friday Sad. Mov:Too Tired 727:January 13, 2007 Saturday 9:55 PM Failed Movie Composition 763:January 14, 2007 Sunday 6:15 PM Movie Devil Sync 822:January 15, 2007 Monday 9:21 PM End of Break Mov: Irony 861:January 16, 2007 Tuesday 10:43 PM Movie: Cold, Codec and Color 910:January 17, 2007 Wednesday 3:20 PM Mov: Color Animation 960:January 18, 2007 Thursday Movie: Cubes, Messages and Protein 972:January 19, 2007 Friday 8:46 PM Movie: Liz in Brief 1040:January 20, 2007 Satuday 1:09 AM 1100:January 21, 2007 Sunday 11:46 AM Net Withdrawal 1185:January 22, 2007 Monday Movie: Movie Notes 1251:January 23, 2007 Movie: Handy Volume 1309:January 24, 2007 Wednesday 11:00 PM Mov: Ready to Rumble Router 1329:January 25, 2007 Thursday 1376:January 25, 2007 Thursday Movie: Google Search 1433:January 26, 2007 Friday Mov:Just an Announcement 1498:January 27, 2007 Saturday 12:31 PM Biblio Mind 1609:January 28, 2007 Sunday 1:06 PM Talk to Delta Waves 1665:January 29, 2007 5:37 PM Losing Ground 1735:January 30, 2007 Tuesday 8:27 PM Poetic Thought 1865:January 31, 2007 Wednesday My World 1937:February 1, 2007 Thursday Buttons All Day 1976:February 2, 2007 Friday 7:23 PM Sacred Stage 2080:February 3, 2007 Saturday 12:48 PM So What? 2176:February 4, 2007 Sunday 11:21 AM The Gym 2241:February 5, 2007 Monday Knock Out Juice 2328:February 6, 2007 Tuesday 7:13 PM The Feel of a Shot 2377:February 7, 2007 Wednesday 7:22 PM Between Dead and Awake 2407:February 8, 2007 Thursday 11:56 PM Untitled 2458:February 9, 2007 Friday 9:58 PM Mov: Filming Fridays 2494:February 10, 2007 Saturday 8:18 AM Scatter Thought 2627:February 11, 2007 Sunday 8:36 PM Untitled Again 2654:February 12, 2007 Monday A Monday 2747:February 13, 2007 Tuesday Half Deaf Day 2829:February 14, 2007 V Day? 2858:February 15, 2007 Thursday 6:00 PM No Idea Commentary 2925:February 16, 2007 Friday Movie: Sadie Birds of Past 3038:February 17, 2007 Saturday Horrible Saturday 3146:February 18, 2007 Sunday 12:57 PM Intermission 14 3204:February 19, 2007 Monday The ? Movie 3275:February 20, 2007 Tuesday ? with comments 3312:February 21, 2007 Wednesday What the Inverse? 3402:February 22, 2007 Thrusday 7:41 PM Hope for the World 3481:February 23, 2007 Friday Definition 3553:February 24, 2007 Saturday 12:23 PM 3634:February 25, 2007 Sunday Intermission 16 3685:February 26, 2007 Monday 4:16 PM Giant Intermission 3739:February 27, 2007 Tuesday A Day *sigh 3860:February 28, 2007 Wednesday Who is Shirine? 3912:March 1, 2007 Thursday Good Day at Work Mov:February 4017:March 2, 2007 Friday Day of Links 4045:March 2, 2007 Friday 4:25 PM 4140:March 3, 2007 Saturday 1:07 PM Just a Day 4164:March 4, 2007 Sunday Consumer Crazy 4267:March 5, 2007 Monday The Ironic Ear 4373:March 6, 2007 Tuesday 9:29 PM Computer Science 4406:March 7, 2007 Wednesday Context Free 4495:March 8, 2007 Thursday 9:12 PM Simulation Basis 4630:March 9, 2007 Friday 2:17 AM News Cast 2 4690:March 10, 2007 Saturday 12:21 PM 1st Day of Break 4772:March 11, 2007 Sunday 1:46 PM Intermission 19 4856:March 12, 2007 Monday 4:43 PM Special Composite 4913:March 13, 2007 Tuesday Untitled 4945:March 14, 2007 Movie: *M 5012:March 15, 2007 Thursday 1:20 PM 5036:March 16, 2007 Friday 5:47 PM Human and Computer 5052:March 17, 2007 Saturday 3:26 PM 2nd to Last Day 5169:March 18, 2007 Sunday 3:02 AM On a Quest? 5218:March 19, 2007 Monday 5:12 PM 2 Hours Sleep Mov:Narrator 5358:March 20, 2007 End of an Era? or just a Lull? 5465:March 21, 2007 Wednesday 7:03 PM feel... insubstantial 5524:March 22, 2007 Thursday Just Footnotes 5574:March 23, 2007 Friday 8:52 PM 5579:March 24, 2007 Saturday 1:33 PM What did I do today? 5606:March 25, 2007 Sunday 2:17 PM The Difficulties of these Times 5656:March 26, 2007 Monday 5736:March 27, 2007 Tuesday Null Eventful 5793:March 28, 2007 Wednesday The Nature of Worry 5881:March 29, 2007 Thursday 5931:March 30, 2007 Friday 3:42 AM Past Midnight Oil. 5990:March 31, 2007 Saturday 4:46 PM 5997:April 1, 2007 Sunday 7:26 PM Jokes on Me 6033:April 2, 2007 Non Fiction 6098:April 3, 2007 Tuesday 6150:April 4, 2007 Wednesday 6185:April 6, 2007 Away Journal 6188:April 7, 2007 Missed Entry 6192:April 8, 2007 Dazed and Tired 6218:April 9, 2007 6228:April 10, 2007 The Text Desert 6292:April 11, 2007 Wednesday 6327:April 12, 2007 Thursday Free Play (GF) 6376:April 13, 2007 Friday Girl Friend Acquired 6427:April 14, 2007 Girl Friend (for half a day) 6436:April 15, 2007 Sunday 1:27 PM 6448:April 16, 2007 Afternoon Headache 6461:April 17, 2007 Papers for the Next Century 6560:April 18, 2007 Nothing Much 6618:April 19, 2007 Defining Moments 6691:April 20, 2007 Excerpt from 2002 6736:April 21, 2007 Saturday 10:56 AM Protected by Law 6870:April 22, 2007 Sunday 3:15 AM Flask Problems 6964:April 23, 2007 Troubled Thoughts and Times 7015:April 24, 2007 Grace Under Fire 7067:April 25, 2007 Science Project 7154:April 26, 2007 Storage Dreams 7229:April 27, 2007 After the fact. 7274:April 28, 2007 Housing Headaches 7328:April 29, 2007 Sunday Entry Missing 7334:April 30, 2007 Monday Helpful 12 year old 7401:May 1, 2007 Tuesday 4:21 PM Pain is a necessary evil 7448:May 2, 2007 Wednesday 7:21 Bounce Rate 7588:May 3, 2007 Thursday Inverse Strikes Back 7664:May 4, 2007 Friday No Clearance 7755:May 5, 2007 7759:May 6, 2007 Sunday Not a Room 7817:May 7, 2007 75 Degrees or A Degree of Agony 7918:May 8, 2007 Tuesday 4:32 PM Injury 7943:May 9, 2007 7945:May 10, 2007 Short Entry 7979:May 11, 2007 Missing Time 8036:May 12, 2007 Some people Graduate. 8049:May 13, 2007 Sunday 8051:May 14, 2007 Monday 8088:May 15, 2007 Tuesday UnEasy 8135:May 16, 2007 Wednesday 2:24 PM 8166:May 18, 2007 Friday 2:15 PM 8181:May 19, 2007 Saturday 6:38 AM Alive ON Line 8320:May 20, 2007 Sunday 6:21 AM 8375:May 22, 2007 Prove Your a Smart Human 8413:May 23, 2007 Wednesday 1:15 AM Black Abyss 8489:May 24, 2007 Thursday Live Cast??? 8580:May 25, 2007 HSU No friend of Mine 8713:May 26, 2007 Saturday Fixed Website 8781:May 27, 2007 Sunday 12:19 PM 8802:May 28, 2007 Monday 1:00 PM Not an Addict, then what? 8867:May 29, 2007 Tuesday 5:40 PM Ouch Isn't Enough 8888:May 30, 2007 Wednesday 6:53 PM Off Net? 8942:May 31, 2007 8945:June 1, 2007 8948:June 2, 2007 8951:June 3, 2007 8954:June 4, 2007 8957:June 5, 2007 8960:June 6, 2007 8963:June 7, 2007 8969:June 8, 2007 Friday 9:49 PM Week of Hell at an End? 8992:June 9, 2007 Saturday 11:02 AM After the Storm 9025:June 10, 2007 Sunday 5:56 PM Settle 9065:June 11, 2007 Monday 1:42 PM 9117:June 12, 2007 Net Returns 9142:June 13, 2007 Wednesday 3:08 PM Dismantle? 9222:June 14, 2007 Thursday 1:45 PM I'm Told 9307:June 15, 2007 Saturday Tactical Vagueness 9347:June 16, 2007 By Roads 9377:June 17, 2007 Sunday Untitled 9445:June 18, 2007 Edgy 9462:June 19, 2007 2:46 PM Some Days Just Want to be Bad
9567:June 20, 2007 Wednesday Cell Phone
9615:June 21, 2007 Thursday 7:09PM Live my Life or yours? 9697:June 22, 2007 Best Moment of Day 9742:June 23, 2007 Saturday Farewells 9774:June 24, 2007 Sunday Sub Surface Scattering

9832:June 25, 2007 Monday 12:19 PM 9881:June 26, 2007 I FEEL Bad.

9990:June 27, 2007 Wednesday **** ************ ******** ****** 10051:July 14, 2007 Saturday 10083:July 19, 2007 Thursday 12:34 AM 10118:July 20, 2007 Friday 10:58 AM Threads of Light 10143:July 21, 2007 Sunday 1:11 AM 10169:July 25, 2007 Wednesday 7:42 PM 10262:July 26, 2007 10280:August 4, 2007 Saturday Michelle Liptak While in Home Town 10325:August 5, 2007 Sunday 10339:August 6, 2007 Contact Made with Michelle 10347:August 9, 2007 Thursday 5:42 PM The Summer consumed by Distraction 10446:August 11, 2007 Saturday 3:58 PM Quantum Theory Take I 10472:August 13, 2007 (2:24 am) Polar Graphing! One more time! 10478:August 13, 2007 Monday Notice Being Alone 10509:August 14, 2007 Tuesday 10549:August 15, 2007 Wednesday 10567:August 16, 2007 Thursday 10:53 PM Back 10584:August 17, 2007 Friday Indescribable

10649:August 18, 2007 Saturday 5:03 PM Coding and Waiting 10681:August 19, 2007 Sunday Social Halt
10745:August 20, 2007 Monday 11:19 PM First Day of Class
10768:August 21, 2007 Tuesday 10:31 PM Lost Touch 10811:August 23, 2007 9:48 PM Thursday The New 12 10833:August 24, 2007 Friday Good Day 10920:August 25, 2007 Saturday 3:14 PM I DID IT! 11005:August 26, 2007 Sunday 1:24 PM Zombie Walk 11086:August 27, 2007 Monday 11:40 PM Mini-Adventures
11162:August 29, 2007 Wednesday 9:00 PM Still Forward

11207:August 30, 2007 Thrusday 4:24 PM Body Image 11276:August 31, 2007 Friday Worry

11316:September 1, 2007 Saturday 12:29 PM Musical 11352:September 3, 2007 Monday 11:46 Sick Day 11446:September 4, 2007 Tuesday Own Your Homework! 11521:September 5, 2007 Wednesday 11:11 PM No Entry
11541:September 6, 2007 Thrusday 5:01 PM 11562:September 7, 2007 Friday Salvation at Hand 11601:September 8, 2007 Saturday Catch of the Day 11702:September 9, 2007 Sunday I like my Weekends

11753:September 10, 2007 Monday Virus Code = Free Speech? 11914:September 11, 2007 Tuesday No Time to Post 11958:September 12, 2007 I'm on Miro!
11984:September 14, 2007 Friday Arduous Journey 12035:September 15, 2007 Saturday The Rule of Law 12060:September 16, 2007 Sunday New Camera New Pictures 12104:September 17, 2007 Monday Over Time 12112:September 18, 2007 Tuesday 10:06 PM Sky 12126:September 19, 2007 Wednesday Midi Cable of Power! 12131:September 20, 2007 Thursday 11:20 No Time No Time
12144:September 21, 2007 Friday
12150:September 26, 2007 12155:September 27, 2007 Thursday The Jack Tutorial is coming.
12183:September 28, 2007 Friday What a week.

12221:September 30, 2007 Sunday 11:43 AM Most Relaxed in 10 months

12263:October 1, 2007 Monday 10:14 PM 12291:October 4, 2007 Thursday 11:08 PM Back?

12304:October 5, 2007 Friday 11:56 PM Solar Updraft Towers 12338:October 6, 2007 Saturday Saturday Quick Clips
12395:October 7, 2007 Sunday Burned Out
12452:October 8, 2007 12472:October 9, 2007 Tuesday The Storm? 12569:October 10, 2007 Wednesday Today in Brief (really brief) 12593:October 11, 2007 Thursday The Good Catch 12664:October 13, 2007 Sunday No Thumb Nails?
12676:October 14, 2007 Sunday Criticism should not be Anonymous

10.13.2007

No Thumb Nails?

October 13, 2007 Sunday No Thumb Nails?

I don't know why I don't yet see movie thumb nails up. That's worse than before. Having a random clip shot was better than nothing.


10.11.2007

The Good Catch

October 11, 2007 Thursday The Good Catch

I speak of ideas as the catch for today yields some good ones. They are some of the most exciting parts of my life for they are the substance of thought and the beacon of existence for me. They live on when I don't.


Later

I wanted to write up all these ideas nicely... but I'm so tired and worn by the end of my day I can't bring myself to do it. So they go up not as polished thoughts but as notes. It's really ashame.

Notes Section

The Civil Mind. Residual Essence (The Soul Machine) My soul runs on Linux. The Beauty of Program Write poem, a story.. a novel? But write a program and watch the wondrous things that result. Is this is is this not on parse with other great literary works? I was thinking about the swarm script a program written that makes objects in blender appear to swarm. I'm amazed at how it was designed.. who did they figure out what swarming was? How can someone study it? Despite the technicality of copyright programs as literary works. ;) Open Source forever? While closed source code dies off open source may be able to live on and go through hundreds of versions... as society continues to deploy it. What will that bring us? 24 hour service with no one working during the night? As in no one stays up all night. How is that possible? Depends on where the service help call is coming from... across the whole globe. And no one has to stay up all night. ;) ---- I find good conversations for people with people if you can strike up the right things to talk about. Interesting things. Like differing ways humans in different majors view the world. And the problem with thinking your major is the best.

10.10.2007

Today in Brief (really brief)

October 10, 2007 Wednesday Today in Brief (really brief)

Notes Section

Work was stressful. The production film shoot went well. GUY#1: I like the wilderness. Would you look at that? So peaceful and beautiful the great out doors! GUY#2: What are you talking about? That place is full of like a billion creatures trying to kill each other.

10.09.2007

The Storm?

October 9, 2007 Tuesday The Storm?

6:25 PM I was told a storm was coming. And that's more warning than I normally have. I should really check these things. So I expected the power to go out.. which it hasn't yet.. but the internet to Arcata and who knows where else is dead. This prevents the use of cards to purchase goods. I'll remember that for next time. As I hadn't realized that was going to be an issue during the day.

Though there is much reading for classes. I can do having the internet down prevents me from completing certain computer based assignments on time. It's not like I hadn't worked on a lot of the java assignment... but that work that remains requires access to the Java API as well as the ability to look up currency conversion rates... which I could perhaps just make up given the circumstances.

Regardless, I keep expecting the power to go out completely.. hence preventing me from typing this on my computer.. but it hasn't yet.. and the only redeeming thing about the warning is the fact the net went down. However long that will be.

I may still write about the thoughts of the day of which I find I had a few due to the fact my research for one of my classes had me resorting to making use of the library in which case I was watching an old video on Computer security the way it was in the 80's. I love watching the old shows like that. They have their charms and I find them thought provoking for their curious predictions and the future of computing id in some case the world I live in today... or at least some portion of it.

So I leave the library thinking about how far I've come in my own understanding of these machines that I find a large number of people are against in one way or another. I wonder just how many? Certainly, more people have a better understanding but I do find those in age category, (more than I would imagine) not being 'computer people' which is okay but they shy away from even discussion of basic computer activities. And I made sure to remind myself not to be so nieve as to think everyone has access all through out the world. ... but I would think that students on a college campus have a vested interest in knowing how to handle the basics of the technology....
It still perplexes me that she seems so against it.

I walk into the instructional math lab of the new 5 story campus building and sit down in the room where grad student math tutors are assisting undergrads in their mathematical endeavors. I find i like to sit amongst these goings on for whatever reason. Maybe it is because I can over hear explanations or I like to be around those whom are helping others while the people they help are calm and thankful. I don't think I'm allowed to help. But I think about it... especially when it was as busy there as it was today.
I also like writing my name in the sign in so that I may help show that the place is useful to people.
Oh yeah, and maybe the fact that they are grad students has something to do with it.... as in they have something interesting going on due to the nature of their work.

Notes Section

It would be nice to have a power back up so that my computer can be shut down gracefully. *wink *wink

10.08.2007

October 8, 2007

October 8, 2007

Every once in a while in your internet surfing career you come across something so internet like it can only be described as... 'perfect for the overly gullible'
The best candidate features.... The Tree Octopus

However, the sad facts remain... All those poor poor students...

On other notes, I felt the work I did to get the comm club website up wasn't appreciated. No one mentioned anything and when I asked if anyone had seen the announcement no one responded. It's like I made all that effort in vain thinking it was going to matter to them that I didn't have it up yet.

10.07.2007

Burned Out

October 7, 2007 Sunday Burned Out

Its a sunny day as I walk out with my math book in hand. And the warm air revitalizes my tired muscles and reassures me that I am alive. I think I spend 70 or 80 or even 90 percent of my time trying to figure things out that I've forgotten to just go out on a sunny day and walk around a bit. How could I have forgotten that?

Its only sunny for a month or so more before the heavy rains come and it grows even colder. I wish I had gotten to be out in it more this year. ....
I need a break from it.. and yet i still have class work to take care of.

I never expected that the communications club website would have taken so long to figure out. And I wanted to get it done so I had something to tell them tomorrow.

Notes Section

Simple Holography Light Value Stereogram Printer Cosmic Rays " Computer companies must take cosmic rays into consideration when designing computers. As components become smaller and more powerful, strikes from high energy cosmic ray particles can do more damage. One result of a cosmic ray strike is called a "single event upset," which occurs when a computer memory cell is hit. This can change the basic units of memory which are made up of patterns of 1’s and 0’s. Computers must be designed to run constant checks to correct for any changes made, such as a 1 suddenly changed to a 0. Another possible result is called a "latch-up." Latch-ups happen when a cosmic ray burns out a component. By shutting down computers every now and then, glitches caused by latch-ups may be repaired. This problem is especially acute for computers aboard satellites, since they are exposed to a higher intensity of cosmic rays than computers on the ground."

10.06.2007

Saturday Quick Clips

October 6, 2007 Saturday Saturday Quick Clips

Ice cold shot glasses... or ice shot glasses?
Brownie making?
Adding myself to the pioneer space plaque
Rejoicing that I'm done with Dentists... for now..


Nothing like simulated fluid to quench your thirst.

And if you don't have a hood ornament consider this.

10.05.2007

Solar Updraft Towers

October 5, 2007 Friday 11:56 PM Solar Updraft Towers

Yet, another weekend is upon me and today has been a good day. I'm looking to handle my java programming, math, computer law homework as well as advance the commclub website while making time for blender tutorial writing.

Should be a worth while weekend.. Now if only I can find that quantum mech book I lost.

Notes Section

Solar Tower! I think there is a patent on it. But the mathematics behind it is something to consider. I think he mathematics behind robotic construction methods is something to consider. Build small robots and they build big things. Vortex Engine Is patented as well. Cool stuff though. Video of it!

10.04.2007

Back?

October 4, 2007 Thursday 11:08 PM Back?

I may not have succeeded at everything. But my spirits are high for success. As things will soon be back in place and I may achieve again.

All pieces may be put back together and new inspiration is everywhere I turn.
It's about time

10.01.2007

My eyes, moist

October 1, 2007 Monday 10:14 PM

I wanted to make my movie. I really didn't. But now I don't feel like it. I don't feel like anything. I was upset. I laid my head on the table and didn't lift it. My eyes, moist I contemplated calling.

Instead, I grumbled in agony over things and lamented the fact I no longer felt like doing anything tonight. This went on for a while and then I dropped it and tried my homework reading.

I don't like this.

9.30.2007

Most Relaxed in 10 months

September 30, 2007 Sunday 11:43 AM Most Relaxed in 10 months

"History shows that open source has a commodifying effect on software markets. It reduces the power of monopolies and fosters competition for the benefit of consumers: it weakens brand values, drives costs down, provides access to production technologies and creates interchangeable products and services." http://www.epic.co.uk/content/news/dec_06/moodle.htm


All hail one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in a very very long time. I'm so glad I could ease my stress and achieve my school work AND my own work. Its been fabulous to relax and feel like things are taken care of for once.

I spent much of the day rearranging and cleaning the place and I look forward to repairing the damage that I've done to much of my grades up until this point. With luck the little hang ups will be cured and I can coast the rest of the way through my school work.

Now, its a strange thing to feel like I once did.. nearly .... How many months was that? A lot I know. Before the summer maybe even thanks giving break? Yeah, I almost had the same feel as the last thanks giving break. I know it well. Its when I return to my rhythm. When I return to the root of my creativity and I bask in the glow of my own minor achievements once again.


.. wait it was 10 months! I spent 10 months away from my creative wellspring and I paid the ugly price. So much time lost. And so much energy to catch up.



I spent a while solving more lighting issues. I'm on my way to much better renders.

9.28.2007

What a Week

September 28, 2007 Friday What a week.

I'd have to say ouch for this week. It's been painful but I think I can recover over this weekend. I'm so far behind in my classes. I have to haul it to get back to nominal levels in both Computer Law and History. Never have I had the sensation of knowing that I scored nearly perfect on one test only to find a complete failing on another. Immediacy upon leaving my history exam I wrote out a study plan that involves filtering out all reading into a series of note cards and reviewing them daily. History 111 is a class I can't afford to fail.

Speaking of not affording. I wonder what plans Delta Dental offers? For it seems my student insurance is soon to run out and I have to book an appointment in 6 months. That's March. I biked home after the ordeal today. It's a minor celebratory note as it was the last cavity I had to have filled.. for now. I've learned my lesson.

I've learned my lesson. Brush, floss, Fluoride rinse. I don't even touch soda the same way I once did. I go for the mug of water instead. That's probably a good thing all around anyway I suppose.

With that mess settled and other messes settled I feel I can obtain what I lacked before.. for so many months... Clarity.

Oh and here's some nice renders I achieved today.
Nice. The slight gloss makes me feel special. Even better. I obtained a colored hue on the surface! Not the best but it was the first one that came out like this. Let's just say it was very rewarding to read about ray tracers and how to use them. ;)

9.27.2007

The Jack tutorial is coming

September 27, 2007 Thursday The Jack Tutorial is coming.
Stay tuned. The Jack tutorial is coming...

Notes Section

Why We Must Fight UCITA Skype? Technology that Steals? "The calls are set up and passed on among users, flowing through a chain of computers around the world without traversing any central infrastructure. That’s good for robustness and scalability -- and for Skype, which can avoid massive investments and add new users at near-zero marginal cost." http://www.lunchoverip.com/2006/03/the_fine_print_.html

9.21.2007

September 21, 2007

September 21, 2007 Friday

9.20.2007

No Time No Time

September 20, 2007 Thursday 11:20 No Time No Time
No time to think. Then pictures pictures!

Ultimate hop scotch!
Sandwich!
Can you say Stereotype?

9.19.2007

The MIDI Cord of Power!

Pictures say it all...



9.18.2007

Sky

September 18, 2007 Tuesday 10:06 PM Sky

Notes Section

"It is transcendental, which means that it is not the root (solution) to any polynomial of any degree with integer coefficients. This condition is more restrictive than saying a number is irrational. For example, the polynomial of degree '2', X^2 - 3=0, has the solution X = sqrt(3), which is irrational." http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/math99/math99119.htm

9.16.2007

New Camera New Pictures

September 16, 2007 Sunday New Camera New Pictures

Earlier in the week I came home to find my old camera broken. Take a look... that isn't some crazy image of a mosaic that IS the broken screen.

According to my pay check it seemed I was suddenly able to afford a new camera! (To fix the lack of images on the blog lately issue) If you hadn't noticed already my journal has been pretty sparse with the lack of ability to take pictures. I'm glad I found a great camera and I'm doubly glad I could afford it from the hours I worked.

So here's images...

Everyone is in aww at the quality.
Notes Section

Nice to know this exists. http://perian.org/ Whoa! Super Motion Capture!

9.15.2007

The Rule of Law

September 15, 2007 Saturday The Rule of Law Respect the Law

Or pay the price. That's all I'll say. Don't ever be on the wrong side of it or your in for a delightful round of having the full power of the class society against you.

Notes Section

http://wiki.blender.org/index.php/ BlenderDev/SundayMeetingAgenda http://wiki.blender.org/

9.14.2007

Arduous Journey

September 14, 2007 Friday Big Day

Well it was a big day. A very long and tough and tiring day but in it's own way it was exciting. Recapping now I find I was excited that it was pay day and I was also delighted to pour over a mathematical proof a friend of mine had written. It will prove useful for my own explorations on the topic of the Mean Radius of a Triangle.

But the trying aspect of the day was getting an RV from the backyard of a professors house to the back waters of McKindleyville. The thing died right at the very end of the arduous journey. By arduous I mean the thing barely made it to 40 mph in which case a lone line of cars piled up behind it. And I was right there driving behind her as she made her way through the streets.

Seeing the long row of cars in my mirror prompted me to consider a sort of equation that might predict just how many cars as a function of time spent on the road and the speed difference from the freeway speeds to the vehicle.

In short, the day was long but exciting and I would say fulfilling. I'll sleep well tonight as my whole body feels quite tired from all the other things that went on.

Notes Section

http://www.opencascade.org/
http://shawnsaga.fea.st/math/ This was Shawns page and it includes a published copy of the paper I've been chewing through. I must say he did a good job and was quite imaginative with the thing.
Mean Radius of a Triangle

9.13.2007

Rhythm of Life

September 13, 2007 Rhythm of Life

Rhythm?

It's hard to explain, Perhaps it's best to mention as a series of procedures by which I control stress while taking care of my work as well as school responsibilities in a timely fashion. I love to think. And in order to think freely and be creative I must spread out my life between hours wondering thought punctuated with intermission of class work and a variety of small more than trivial activity I partake in.

This soup of my life forms a Gantt Chart for success as I have come to know it. And in times when I am obstructed from being able to walk my path at pace I find myself growing stressed.

Furthermore, when someone criticizes me for choosing to play piano before homework rather than immediately homework they clearly do not understand my methods. I never consider it putting off work for I take my whole 6 hour window as one piece that involves what I do and what is required of me.

I feel it unfair to claim 'I'm not doing my work' when the way I proceed with work is much more than a mere serialized independent activity at a time attitude without regard for emotion state and work ethic feel.

I Alternate between my personal projects and school and I achieve both.
Notes Section

Californian Gold - http://www.calgold.com/ Huell Howser Productions The only movie star moment I've ever had.

9.12.2007

I'm on Miro!

September 12, 2007 I'm on Miro!

What is Miro? Miro is high res web video without the wait times!

Notes Section

I'M ON Miro! I'm proud to be another webcast channel on the Miro! How to make Blender more attractive for engineers? Does Viannah still read this?

9.11.2007

No Time to Post

September 11, 2007 Tuesday No Time to Post

It's a real shame when I get to the end of the night and i'm out of time for my own writing. I'll stave off the sniffles and make a few remarks from the notes only...

Notes Section

I helped a fellow Java student understand the homework. I never would have spoken had it not been for my imporved confidence and social charm. I wonder if sqlite could make the comm club sorrel space usable for Drupal Virtual Turing Machine idea thought of Reversal of Extravertism Levit Town historic subject to be researched later Got to PLAY a REAL Piano on Campus!!! It was wonderful. Geography only selectively matters based on values "Why do backpacks worn with suits look so bad?"

9.10.2007

Virus Code = Free Speech?

September 10, 2007 Monday Virus Code = Free Speech?

The fellow could use some more charismatic presentation skills but he speaks confidently and clearly. Nice all around presenation. Facebook Developers

I've often had questions about free speech and virus code publication. So a site like this caught my attention. Especially the part where they explain why some virus source has been removed: it remarks, "Even though the file is COMPLETELY HARMLESS, and our webpages are covered by Free Speech, we have removed it. "

In which case I would say.. so publishing virus code is free speech. But compiling and using it is against the law. Isn't that fascinating? In my opinion, this is what makes software such a strange entity. As classified under Copyright law software is a liteary work.
But how many liteary works do you know that can take over your computer?

very fascinating.

I think this topic appears suspiciosn from me as I have written it right below the Facebook video api movie. But I assure you I'm not criminal, and I do not write such things.. nor do I have the skill to do so.

Nice to get things like this done again...
You can e mail Chris of Chris World at cbs8@humboldt.edu Be sure to place Dear Chris of Chris World in the subject line or else it will be deleted upon entry. Consider Subscribing to the movies via Miro! Miro Video Player

6:01 PM

I just found out my digital camera is cracked. Funny how that was not to long after finding out about a camera I really want.. happens to be 200 to 300 dollars. (About how much money I make in a pay period) Ironically I can't take a picture of it :(.


Making a Difference

I felt good today. I felt like I was making a difference. Not everyday feels like this. Not everyday has me so excited. I knew I was living the life style of someone whom speaks up in class, in meetings and helps a fellow computer science major get a job.
Yeah, it's a lot.

The common thread was that I spoke up where I would never have normally spoken up. And it changed the day... and I would argue that in some small way the world is changed as well.

Vice Pres. of Communications Club

I get the idea that Tricia is a very structured person. To bed on time. No meandering about if its not necessary. Always forward thinking. And as I sat at the meeting table for the communications club I sat back and enjoyed the display of power that emenates from her when she takes charge. I marveled at the confidence. And I smiled realizing I was capable of the exact same thing.

I have lots to do and to worry about... But designing and helping admin the Communications Club Website sounds like something good for me. It sounds like it has the potential to make a difference. Upon that, it seems that being in a club means something to me now. I've sat in on enough club and group like meetings to realize that you get the most out if you put the most in. And if I'm ready to do so in this small way I may have a much larger impact.

Prejudice Line

I grabbed my sandwitch in prepertion for the lunch code meeting. And as I walked to the 4 cashiers 1 of which was black I noted that despite longer lines many white students would wait in the lines for the other white cashiers. At some point it would even out but for a few moments I noted the difference. As I also noted that the black students would almost always wait in the line with teh black cashier. I think I should bring this up in class.

Despite the cost of a longer line, most people felt willing to make it to have a white cashier (or for some other unknown reason)

Detour Behavior

I stopped


Don't ever think that an idea dies, in my case they always cycle and come back again.
Notes Section

Is there a social density that is average for students at HSU? maybe it's like 1 human per 4 sq meters.
To Aaron Antrim Like memes they are passed on. While I apologize for not being more involved with the big push to revolutionize how clubs and groups on campus utilize their web resources I recalled your amazing inspiration to divide the usage between web tech admins and web users. That was a moment when I went "Ah Ha!" and I have you to thank for it. I'm currently helping in creating the Communications club Website and I wondered if drupal or joomla were every successfully run off of the space as well as I'm interested to hear what became of very thing. Again, I apologize for bringing this possibility delicate topic back up but I wanted to let you know you still have a huge impact regardless of pass events.

SPECIALS

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