The Video Sampler

3.21.2007

feel... insubstantial

March 21, 2007 Wednesday 7:03 PM feel... insubstantial
Don't tell me about these things.
It only succeeds at making me feel... insubstantial.
Should I have gone back? Well, I have a feeling all the
talk of it prongs into me more.
So at present 7 o'3 I feel down.
This is not how this time period should be... though
I suppose that is always the stance.

I'm told that a girl was flirting with me in line
at Longs, and that I was fliriting... but without
knowing it.. nor having any motive it is just friendly.
So that is it, eh?
Friendly, maybe a laugh and that is flirting so long one
of the parties has a motive? So, all I lack is motive?
Is that right?

It's perplexing to be stuck in the curious well that I'm
in. I suppose simply 'knowing' would be nice. But then again
I don't feel entirly up for 'doing' or going out.
As to why that is? 
I'm even baffeled at the split I have in my mind.
Part of me doesn't really want to deal with anything about it.
The other is more curious than driven.
They're both non-aggressive. 
If this continues the only logical choice would be to keep
my mouth shut about the matter.
And the always noticual back of the mind argument claims.
"Hey, if you didn't go out you wouldn't even feel down right now."

Yeah, thanks it's nice to know I may always take comfort in
the status quo. A status of quo I know all to well.
I'm told that even though one may 'think' they can reach a nominal
day.. doing so for prolonged times has it's effects.
(I only glimpse them during long breaks. Even then I think it would
be a substantial amount of time before any real agony would
befall me)

... So many parts you see...
There is even that random one that walks in, bursts in more like it,
and exclaims, "What the Hell! Chris, they're are better things
than all that mess" 
A couple other parts agree... there were even more in the past but
not as many now.... though still they stand strong and resilient.

I would hate to have someone read the above and come back to me
claiming I should have asked the girl. Are they acknowledging
the series of complexities that unfold in the entire matter?

...
Regardless of all else, one thing is for sure..
I did not need this excess physchological static tonight.
I did not.

----
I may be getting sick. I've been exposed and I feel a throat
tingle. (NO GOOD!)


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