The Video Sampler

5.11.2007

Missing Time

May 11, 2007 Missing Time
Life is hectic or just plain time consuming so much
so that I miss the writing. That is ashame.

Thinking is believing.

Thinking is believing.

11:49 PM [From Mini Away Journal] How can I not remember those few times back in high school when I retreated to a room to type as party happenings went on downstairs? It wasn't many, but there was one which I find myself taken out of everything. virtually trapped after I find that it drizzles heavily and I'm charged with the duty to time someone before they can have another drink. So, I'm here. Second floor, typing on a friends laptop and contemplating how best to use this time. I have a sneezing bought all through out the night and I'm suppose to get up early tomorrow regardless and I have a feeling I'll be tried through till Sunday morning. I can see it coming and all the quote unquote parties feel more like a chore than anything else. Not my scene. May I re-Iterate? Regardless, I wonder about these times. In the past the burning question seemed to be intro verses extro. I always thought I could walk the line but I'd rather do that when I think I have something to gain by doing so. Joy herself is quite social. Period. In the past I would ridicule myself.. or rather try to dissolve any illusion of the use of the social. Joy has a way to introduce shy types to new things. It's her way I suppose. When I look at the newly exposed I remember myself and I wonder, though I have changed considerably in the confidence arena I still... don't feel motivated to interact. ... ... [interruption] One of these days I'm going to write everything down. [stomach pains]
12:42 am [Back at Home (while I have it)] I stormed back in the light rain. Thinking about how early I'm suppose to get up... and storming over many things... or maybe it's just that irrating prick of a thing called social life that i witness. My salvation comes once I can return to my own sancuary and lead the dizzy dreams bleed away of that loud world of noise and mess. ... I have a feeling I won't be walking my graduation. It would fit well with the trend thus far. No prom. No parties. (really) No grad walking. I would like to finally have total control of the front door for once. No one is allowed in... I'm the only one. And that one bedroom place for which I have not yet seen.. would be a place like that. I see chalneges in the future and in these times I feel some what inadequate for achieving them. I wonder what this road I follow is going to take me. Seems that I witness almost a former mirage of myself at previous closed off states when I saw one of Joy's social test subjects taking flight. But again, I do not feel the impulse. What is it? What could be stopping me? I don't see the gains nearly as much as I seen the annoyance of it all. And I steal away back to my on sanctuary in which after such things turn on me I dont' feel quite the same. ...

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