The Video Sampler

6.16.2007

By Roads

June 16, 2007 By Roads

By Roads


Sometimes big choices need to be made. And sometimes those big choices come with big consequences. Or at least we often perceive them to be big consequences. Though I feel the world is a deterministic one, I also feel the blindness brought on my the chaos of it all. Chaos isn't really 'chaos' as far as chaos theory is concerned the world follows the rules but that doesn't mean that you will be able to preform all the calculations necessary to give you a picture of the future. In that case, you can only see a few moves ahead at any given point in your life.

Given this lack of foresight choices become scary beasts. And choices about relationships become stormy oceans full of uncertainty and self-doubt. One only has him or her self to look to for the real answers to the questions. Even though talking to those whom are more experienced helps it doesn't not replace the chaos of the world. In which case, I am still alone but maybe armed with a flash light to see a little further in the dark.

In my time, I have often claimed myself to be lacking in the interpersonal communication arena. ... This isn't entirely true as I have found out more and more in the past year and them some. Actually, I have some small skill to spin conversations and amuse those whom spend the time to listen in. The thing I was running from much have been the perceived consequences of what a good interperson I could be. More often, I have spent a great deal of my time finding ways to make a life lived alone manageable.

I suppose fessing up to the facts after so many years of trying to get away from them takes a bit of self courage. It's not that I don't believe I can make a way for myself alone but the fact I didn't think I had much of a choice before... Until now. And that's where the choices arrive. They come to my door and knock a bit harder. Answering them forces me to re-contemplate a couple of things.

I can find someone. I can chose. There are options... but taking them will hurt someone or another. And that was one of the central reasons I've avoided the questions for so long. I had only ever wanted to live a more peaceful life free of the normal dramas that plague what I perceived as the rest of the mass of the population. Still, I am not so sure I'd like to join the ranks of those whom come to the slaughter willingly... but I've often wondered if I could get a better seat.

Even if that means I might fall into the arena.

It is in these times that I contemplate walking down a different road. It's something I should do before to much more time passes as the road isn't nearly as nice to walk down in later years. (So I would think) Regardless, if and when I'm starting to feel like I should walk. If not the whole way.. than just a little bit... to say I did. And to see if I'll keep going.



Tactical Vagueness? It's delightfully cryptic yet a bit artistic. And even if you don't get the full story your left wondering what the full story is.
*byroad - a side road little traveled

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