The Video Sampler

8.31.2007

Worry

August 31, 2007 Friday Worry

Don't worry right? Well, that's hard sometimes and as the pain in my tooth slowly fades. I'm glad but not quite relieved to be done with todays round of fillings. More to come, I'm just glad the cleaning and the dental work can get doen 'before' the insurance runs out.


And later.... I hear them talk about their experiences... and I feel left out. Way left out and I think... I don't like this and I don't want to be around when this is happening. I have none and I walked home thinking about it. And then as I often do.. I turned to more productive less vacous matters.

Such as...
How to teach recent computer programming student the open source ropes. I want to take what someone begins to learn in a class and get them ready to be involded with various open source projects. I feel it's an important next step, for them and for the open source community.

But if today is worry. Than I have much of it. I worry about the 'what if's the what if I can't stand the aloneness like was once able to? And I was. I have often walked between extremes from social to solitary. And I've been back and forth amoung these choices.... and from what I've expereinced... I can see reasons to give it up...
However, I can see reasons to join the group.
Which will ultimatly win with me?

I can not know.

But you bet, I'll be playing a melancholy melody while I figure it out.

8.30.2007

Body Image

August 30, 2007 Thrusday 4:24 PM Body Image Body Image

It's funny how I went from pretty much ignoring my body to taking care of it. In the past my physical self was nothing more than a nuisance I had to put food in. I was always completely mental... and in a major kind of way I still am, but these days I take a little better care.

Maybe it was having someone care for me more than I did myself. Maybe it was the bite I felt from far too many dentist visits. Maybe it was time I took care of myself for once.... well in the physical kind of way. And besides myself is all I really have.

So I went from brushing almost never to once a day, to twice a day and now I aim for brushing and flossing 3 times a day. I shave, I clean, and I push up here and there. And clean house by taking well deserved rest breaks and managing my time so that I 'have' rest breaks.

Getting back to living is the most centering thing. Getting back to breathing can help too. I find that when I am somewhat down and I'm afraid I'll have much of it in the future.
I tend to throw myself into my work. And ignore the background of folks that build the set of daily life.

As I walked today... images passed through my mind. I saw the people walking about as grayed out and filling in the background. As egocentric as it is I wondered what the world would be like had many others taking the view.
I would just be a piece of furniture on the set of their lives?

Who are the major players in your life?
Who differentiates themselves from the background?

Do you have a background? Or do you place everyone in the foreground and live your life far differently than I.

Notes Section

One of the Coolest Concepts I've seen in a long time. When I first saw this I had to watch it at least 2 more times. He looks kind of like kent too. You can find more of Jamin Winans work at http://www.doubleedgefilms.com/
SWEET! three way touch screen! I want one!

8.29.2007

Still Forward

August 29, 2007 Wednesday 9:00 PM Still Forward

It quickly becomes harder each day to get every task done by the end of it. I'm behind. And things have to change in my living condition for me to catch up... least I feel that way. Sadly as it is, I need things to be a certain way before I can relax... and I'm still nervous about my dentist appointment on Friday.. (I thought it was tommorow)

When I have so much to do, I reach the end of the night and think... journal entry? Why? And yet I find something to note.. something to put down becase filling in those blanks means something to me. It means I've lived... and my records live on in their own right.

The way the keys feel.. late at night. The way the terminal looks when spending hours that I've lost track of. I've learned so much and at times I realize I need to enjoy how far I've come.. in order to appreciate the fact I still have so much further to go.

Notes Section

He has the SAME problem! Parser eh? ParserBuilder Hello everyone! I've used Eclipse and PHPEclipse in the past, and was able to get custom function documentation on hover. On my new install, I've been unable to, and, upon researching, realized that there's no pointer in my .project file. However, after fixing said problem, as well as rebuilding, I still had no hover help. I went looking in my install directory, and, realized that in both my feature and plugin directory, there is no net.sourceforge.phpeclipse.parserbuilder folder or file anywhere. Thank you in advance for your help! is this the answer? http://www.phpeclipse.de/tiki-index.php?page=ParserBuilder

8.27.2007

Mini-Adventures

August 27, 2007 Monday 11:40 PM Mini-Adventures

Between Class and Still Kicking

It's amazing what can happen in those hour breaks between classes. I was walking through the campus food distro place (you know a food court like thing) It's called the Depo for those whom do not know. And I came accross Adrianna.

An older female whom I had seen scattered here and there in distant months. And on this day I walked and talked with her on the way to her office. She is a new teacher trying to earn her PhD here at HSU and teaching for the first time alone.

She spoke and I listened as we walked back to her office. Perhaps, This doesn't sound like an adventure to you. But meeting a somewhat stranger and following along as she explains her expereince was exciting and different.
I was glad to be there

Johns Plight

He is homeless. Sleeping where he can.
Attempting to stay creative follow his dreams. And worried about the lack of jobs for his time of skills in this county. This fellow has been here for a long while. I do not believe I can even imagine this place without this fellow.
His social impact is evident whenever one walks through the depo. His kindly and open manner has pulled many a HSU student towards his friendly direction and in turn has probialby left a bit of impact on each and every soul that has come his way.

A hardy volumous laugh and you know Johns somewhere with in 50 meters of your location.

And now he can't even finish as a student for he has no money to pay for the classes he needs. And on this day with no pay he tries to fix a broken computer for the Lumber Jack. (The school newspaper)
The real issue? There is no mac tech support for the HSU campus.

He does not get paid for this and yet he's out attempting to find anyone willing to help solve the problem. I happened to walk by on my route back from the CDC (Course Ware Development) where I spoke of adding an Attendence Sheet Module to moodle (after speaking with Adrianna I realized it's need) Besides it shows ambition on my part.

I over heard the lack of support for macs as the help desk there turned him away. I tried to help. And was inspired to do more for the Lumber Jack.
Besides, I heard they wanted to do more with media. ;)

Notes Section

Doing good one day at a time.
First time IRC ZanQdo

8.26.2007

Zombie Walk

August 26, 2007 Sunday 1:24 PM Zombie Walk

Encyclopedia of Life!
WAtch it!


Ted Talks are always inspiring. They are good things to watch.



Zombie Walk

I've been hitting the code pretty hard today. Maybe not as hard as yesterday.. I've devoted almost the entire weekend to this.... well this and some bike rides to clear my head... which conseqently had a headache attached to it. I haven't been eating well enough ethier.. and I keep randomly feeling hungry but eating doesn't seem to help... very strange.
I hope that's not some kind of programmers syndrom, eh?

No Movies?
I know, it's been painful. I try to focus on production of other things.. and I have. I managed to compile blender and that was a big deal. Plus, I made strides to develope my coding skills and that is important for my trade... which at first I found myself at odd ends with.

At the begining I felt more compelled towards other topics.. but as I'm gradually getting better at the knowledge of compoiling and working through larger projects.... once that gets easier maybe I won't mind it so much... or maybe I'm growing more afraid of alternatives I may be forced into if I fail to learn as much as I can and demonstrate those skills.
....

It's late now and I need to get sleep before work, but I will note....
I sat out at dusk watching the veil of dark blue slowly engulf the sky. this was after my ride out despite my headache which pounded in concert with my heart... (I hope that's not a bad sign) I visited Larson's Park... a place complete with tensis courts and lights to turn on after it gets too dark out. The well kept courts are a stunning clash with the rest of the park grounds... much of which is old, worn and if it wasn't for such good construction I'm sure would be falling apart.

I sat on the top of the tower of metal bars and watched the sky fade away... what I felt there... couldn't be described in worlds... I wasn't thinking directly.. I was being.

Notes Section

Zombie Walk refers to the way I felt as I walked out aimlessly and just existed.

8.25.2007

I DID IT! Compile Blender!

August 25, 2007 Saturday 3:14 PM I DID IT! What about a diagram mode.. that speeds the ability to get some location info without waiting for lots to download. So close and yet so far.... I DID IT! FINALLY!!

August 25, 2007, Saturday 7:22 PM I knew I had a good feeling about it.
This hails the first time I was able to COMPILE a LARGE OS project!!! non of that other small math librariy stuff... a Big BIG project!!! I'm excited... finally.. it's been so long since I've wanted to get this to compile.. and now I CAN!

It's funny... despite all the bad feelings I've been having lately... this really worked out. after so many months of trying to make things work... I finally did it... minus some support I have no idea what it does.. So not fully featured... but I'll figured out what is missing.. now it's time to read SOURCE! with purpose!

Notes Section

Linking program ==> 'blender' /usr/bin/ld: warning -L: directory name (/Users/chrisstones/Documents/workspace/lib/darwin-6.1-powerpc/iconv/lib) does not exist /usr/bin/ld: can't locate file for: -lIex collect2: ld returned 1 exit status scons: *** [/Users/chrisstones/Documents/workspace/build/darwin/bin/blender] Error 1 scons: building terminated because of errors. snail$ Never give up... never surrender. .. I keep trying to compile blender. I think the nature of this error is promising though.... it's a linking issue. ;) WAIT!!! snail$ scons WITH_BF_OPENEXR=0 I compiled it!!!!!! it runs!!!!

Strangly enough I spend so many hours thinking about these development things that inspiration strikes me while I'm out and about...
I was browsing for movies at the local video store when the code for selecting and accessing the directories came to me...

That was about the time I decided to leave the store and bike home quickly so that I could type it out. I still have qualms about the way my code looks because I don't know how to handle certain aspects of the language. I'd have to have someone look at it.
But for now all I do is mark the spots.



I'd better not forget about those other software ideas... the hummer, and the echo distractor for stickam.
This entry really should be tricked out more due to the exciting nature of things... oh well.

8.24.2007

Good Day

August 24, 2007 Friday Good Day

Well I had a good day today... And thus concludes the first week of classes. A complete first week.

Spotting Zara

I thought about visiting with someone tonight. I thought about getting out there.. and at first I was thinking of other people but than I REMEMBERED Zara's Birthday! It's Zara's birthday and I have to go find her. So I biked out into the cloudy greyness of the day and heard she was on her way to a landrymatte. And so I guessed correctly... and was able to see her. And hang out to celebrate a bit of her birthday... which I found people had already made a cake for her.

It was fun. CARD games, card stacking, light joking commentary. And I made sure to leave before I overstayed my welcome. So, it was genearlly a success.

First Week of Last Semester???

Maybe maybe not.
Could be.
Lots of reading.. and I"m wanting to actually make sure I get to every class. Though if I take on a 499 I could receive a bad grade in one of my major courses and still get out free.

Classes were tended, books were bought, females were met. In all it was an exciting week. And I show many more people I knew than I ever thought I would see. So, it won't be so lonely afterall I guess.

My job teaches me a lot... and as I learn more and can accomplish more I feel better about going in. Like after a while I'll

Notes Section

Monaco 14.0 pt. with anti aliasing turned on looks fairly good in the terminal. I'll try it out and see if I want to keep it. // get rid of blue Folder names export LSCOLORS="Hxfxcxdxbxegedabagacad" put in user folder .bash_profile ;)

8.23.2007

The New 12

August 23, 2007 9:48 PM Thursday The New 12 10 o'clock is the new 12

I used to be able to be up later.. now i'm tired around 10 and it's all well and good since I have to go to bed in an hour to get up on time.

I really need to focus on time mangamgnet this smester and not have any distractions. I need to have my space to myself. It's clear to me.

My behavior was once get ready around 12 then in bed between 1 and 2 or much later. Bu those hours past 12 always had a distinct feeling. And now 'those' hours were slipped a bit futher up.
It makes for quite a different feeling.

8.21.2007

Lost Touch

August 21, 2007 Tuesday 10:31 PM Lost Touch And it's a shame

I like good places to spend time at. I realized as I walked about today... I want to work on cutting edge material in the new 5 story building. I'm high up.. I can see far and I'm getting to browse new ideas and explore new avenges of thought. I like to work out mathematics up there.

And for old style thoughts, for old arts such as philosophy and history? I go to the oldest place on campus... The Founders Hall Court Yard. Only.... its not the same. There was once a nicer place to sit. There once were nice benches.. to match a delightful lighting, and temperature and style... but no longer any nice place to sit. My reading suffered .. my nostalgia suffered... and I realized this could no longer 'be' one of my favorite places. ..
The feel was wrong.. all wrong. I've lost touch with this place I once enjoyed so much.
I once described the place in an older post...

"I must have felt grateful.
The way I sat down on that bench in the middle
of Founders Hall Courtyard. Great sitting location
by the way. The wooden boards ease in a little and it
fits more like a ridged hammock than a wooden bench."

Me NOT enjoying the new hard stone benches. The old wooden ones had enough give... these do not. And they have destroyed the feel of a place I once loved.

When Joy's happy..

I'm happy.

8.20.2007

First Day of Class

August 20, 2007 Monday 11:19 PM First Day of Class
No Shirts?

No one understands that I need uninterruption to function. I need to control ALL of my space and not have distraction. In all the fuss I've managed to leave my most of my shirts behind and I'm upset because the very nature of the thing is unlike me.
I can keep things clear just find if I'm allowed to myself.
Just fine.


See, now I don't feel like writing about how I felt about other things today. It was first day of classes. ...

I suppose those things include seeing a couple of people I knew. It was exciting in a sub sort of way. And standing on the 5th floor of the new building is always a good feeling.


8.19.2007

Social Halt

August 19, 2007 Sunday Social Halt
I think I understand my need to be alone... better.

See, during the day I can be out in the world.. (outside of my room) And out there I can interact improvi-socially. I'm on.. or if I'm not on I'm more 'on' than I would be if I wasn't out there. So, my actions are being judged.. questioned... and I have a sense of being on stage to take a metaphor for example.

Now, if I come in from outside the social world 'stops'... least relative to me. I can relax. I can be depressed with out being questioned I can be angry alone, I can cry I can just sit and zone and no one exists in the immediate space to make any of it into a big deal.
Socially.. I'm safe. There's no social plane crashes no worries over relationships and I have sanctuary for all my creativity and the feel of freedom.

The loss of which I feel as an irritating scratchy feeling.
If I am still connected to the outside when I'm here its in a much more controlled fashion. Communication is received and replays are thought out before sent. If I choose to go live I can choose to stop with no one to question me. I have control.

The point remains that regardless of the social world continuing on out there without me is irrelevant. From my perspective it's an intermission that I deserve.
And if I don't get that.. If I don't wake up into it.. goto sleep with it and relax in it...
I go crazy.

Which explains why I've been feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated.


Easter Head example based on a slanted image. see?


By the way, the Archive OnLine Uploader actually works now. But my app broke.. but oh well.

Notes Section

I was given a warning about the next iLife update... they obliterated the usefulness of iMovie and integrated it into the rest of your 'home movies' Now, I don't make home movies.. it's clear Apple want's me to transition over to a more expensive movie editing program.. What do I do? Eh? I'm glad I got the warning because I can avoid the loss.. and keep what I have. I'll be sure to do that.

8.18.2007

Coding and Waiting

August 18, 2007 Saturday 5:03 PM Coding and Waiting
Registry Code And Text Effects

I can not easily portray the text effect I created with my own python blender script. It looks like the typing letters effect only now that I've programmed it into blender I have complete control and I can go much futher with the effect than others. So, it doesn't look like much now.. But it will be.
Seems as though the Archive isn't working for uploads. Maybe there isn't a quota on images on the blogger image account after all if there is I'll soon find out.


8:46 PM
WAIT I've been thinking about this all wrong. I shouldn't be focusing on someone not being here... but trying to enjoy the fact I have them to hold. A simple realization helps. ... it really does. But it's easy to forget when one gets wrapped up in the backward lonely way of thinking... even if it would be much simpler.

-->

8.17.2007

Indescribable

August 17, 2007 Friday Indescribable

It is an indescribable feeling I have as I fly down the road while sun soaked wind whips my hair. It was the first time in a long long while that I was speeding down to school on bike and I enjoyed the motion, the temperature, the sky, the sun and the sights that passed by as I road.

The mission was to collect books for classes and to drop off applications for work at the library. I locked my bike and struted in with all the confidence a 5th year college student should have.
I know what I'm doing.

I thought this as I stood amoung crouds of the nervous, of the tense and of the excitables. The Finacial Aide center was think of worry and long lines of semi-desperate students... I was glad I was not one of them. I stood relaxing waiting in the line for my card sticker, my stamp that says 'Yes YOU are enrolled here'

And so it went. I moved easily through my self orienting tactics and climbed the stairs to the third floor of the newly erected BSS building. Upon my arrive I found my adviser in her office helping another student.
I was once that student.. but no more.
I spoke with confidence that only comes from knowing I'm at the end. I spoke with the excitment of challenge near completed, and of new projects I wanted to set myself on.


...

So why then...
Was I so glumy today? So depressed when I found myself home and of all things 'not' alone? I don't now. Perhaps, all through the summer I kept telling myself I was going to have time alone. Time to get back into my usual produceing-mode.
But no.
It was/is not to be. Least, not yet anyway. For some reason, I can't work unless things are a certain way. I need to be able to have control of my envirnment and my space and free from interuptions to work.
I kept telling myself all summer that I would get that time.... but it would appear it has all left me. No more time.. just classes and work now. I've lost it all and I was unhappy.


But it doens't matter. I should get over it. I still tell myself that someday... soon I will have 'my' time. Someday....



Please get here.

Or else maybe I'll be forced to realize that I need to morph into the kind of person that can get things done regardless.....

8.16.2007

Back

August 16, 2007 Thursday 10:53 PM Back BACK On Line

I've been writing off line for so long I've lapsed on what it was like to post. Now that my set up is back I can handle the original schedule... Just haven't gotten back into it yet.

Polar Program

What I like about this was that i finally got the wave forms next to the polar graphs. That was nice... I've always wanted to do that.

SPECIALS

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