The Video Sampler

8.17.2007

Indescribable

August 17, 2007 Friday Indescribable

It is an indescribable feeling I have as I fly down the road while sun soaked wind whips my hair. It was the first time in a long long while that I was speeding down to school on bike and I enjoyed the motion, the temperature, the sky, the sun and the sights that passed by as I road.

The mission was to collect books for classes and to drop off applications for work at the library. I locked my bike and struted in with all the confidence a 5th year college student should have.
I know what I'm doing.

I thought this as I stood amoung crouds of the nervous, of the tense and of the excitables. The Finacial Aide center was think of worry and long lines of semi-desperate students... I was glad I was not one of them. I stood relaxing waiting in the line for my card sticker, my stamp that says 'Yes YOU are enrolled here'

And so it went. I moved easily through my self orienting tactics and climbed the stairs to the third floor of the newly erected BSS building. Upon my arrive I found my adviser in her office helping another student.
I was once that student.. but no more.
I spoke with confidence that only comes from knowing I'm at the end. I spoke with the excitment of challenge near completed, and of new projects I wanted to set myself on.


...

So why then...
Was I so glumy today? So depressed when I found myself home and of all things 'not' alone? I don't now. Perhaps, all through the summer I kept telling myself I was going to have time alone. Time to get back into my usual produceing-mode.
But no.
It was/is not to be. Least, not yet anyway. For some reason, I can't work unless things are a certain way. I need to be able to have control of my envirnment and my space and free from interuptions to work.
I kept telling myself all summer that I would get that time.... but it would appear it has all left me. No more time.. just classes and work now. I've lost it all and I was unhappy.


But it doens't matter. I should get over it. I still tell myself that someday... soon I will have 'my' time. Someday....



Please get here.

Or else maybe I'll be forced to realize that I need to morph into the kind of person that can get things done regardless.....

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