The Video Sampler

8.19.2007

Social Halt

August 19, 2007 Sunday Social Halt
I think I understand my need to be alone... better.

See, during the day I can be out in the world.. (outside of my room) And out there I can interact improvi-socially. I'm on.. or if I'm not on I'm more 'on' than I would be if I wasn't out there. So, my actions are being judged.. questioned... and I have a sense of being on stage to take a metaphor for example.

Now, if I come in from outside the social world 'stops'... least relative to me. I can relax. I can be depressed with out being questioned I can be angry alone, I can cry I can just sit and zone and no one exists in the immediate space to make any of it into a big deal.
Socially.. I'm safe. There's no social plane crashes no worries over relationships and I have sanctuary for all my creativity and the feel of freedom.

The loss of which I feel as an irritating scratchy feeling.
If I am still connected to the outside when I'm here its in a much more controlled fashion. Communication is received and replays are thought out before sent. If I choose to go live I can choose to stop with no one to question me. I have control.

The point remains that regardless of the social world continuing on out there without me is irrelevant. From my perspective it's an intermission that I deserve.
And if I don't get that.. If I don't wake up into it.. goto sleep with it and relax in it...
I go crazy.

Which explains why I've been feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated.


Easter Head example based on a slanted image. see?


By the way, the Archive OnLine Uploader actually works now. But my app broke.. but oh well.

Notes Section

I was given a warning about the next iLife update... they obliterated the usefulness of iMovie and integrated it into the rest of your 'home movies' Now, I don't make home movies.. it's clear Apple want's me to transition over to a more expensive movie editing program.. What do I do? Eh? I'm glad I got the warning because I can avoid the loss.. and keep what I have. I'll be sure to do that.

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