The Video Sampler

11.29.2007

Nothing

November 29, 2007 Thursday 6:30 PM Nothing



Notes Section

Data Discrimination I like the sound of that. Though I hate what it stands for.

11.28.2007

November 28, 2007

November 28, 2007 Wednesday 8:57 PM

Notes Section

150 that matter What I would like to do I always wondered what those things were called. Water Strider Sounds like an ample supply of interesting mathematics. Crack of a Whip But be sure to follow the trail to the papers.. The Fellow is from University of Arizona "# Whip waves (PDF) T. McMillen and A. Goriely, Physica D, 2003 # The shape of a cracking whip (PDF) A. Goriely and T. McMillen, Phys. Rev. Lett 2002, 88, # 244301.(PDF) " Brain Teaser Thou Shall Post! a Link!

11.27.2007

Avoidant Personality Disorder

November 27, 2007 Tuesday 12:03 PM Avoidant Personality Disorder

"Some studies report prevalence rates of up to 45% among the people with a generalized anxiety disorder and up to 56% of the people with an obsessive-compulsive disorder (Van Velzen, 2002)." Avoidant_personality_disorder
Notes Section

I enjoy living in the world of humanoid robots Twendy One Watch the demo video. and instant answers to my questions... Answers to my questions I just wish there wasn't so much strife. Nice example of control engineering

11.26.2007

Outlined Day

November 26, 2007 Monday 10:26 PM Outlined Day
Here's a day at a glance.

  • Three Good Things for Today
    • Discovered Awesome Quantum Mechanics Book
    • Obtained Reg Code for Microcontroller Class
    • Was a Hot Shot in Java
  • Philosophical Idea
    • Subjectivity Rests in Objectivity
  • My Knowledge Obtainment Algorithm
    • If you can't know. Explain why.
    • If you can know explain how
    • If you could know but don't know yet.. Find a process that will lead you to the idea
Notes Section

A few lines of Code? Millions of loss dollars. I love this major. Great Disasters in Computer History I can't believe I have to wait till 2015. Dang. Humanities last chance might get here too late. ITER (The Movie Presentation) Mystery Swan? Zara? Rosie? No Lindsay?

11.25.2007

Anti-Social Peace

November 25, 2007 Anti-Social Peace

I feel more at peace. As though I can finally relax.... and it is a shame that that comes right at the end of this so called break. A break I wished I could have ironed out more things with my new site.

But nothing about this break went as I had hoped. And it all awaits the next time I am allowed to progress. ...

Progress works like clockwork when social issues are nullified. At least that is what I find. I find peace when the social world dies down to a slimmer or less. And I began to focus once more on achievement. the very achievement I stake my life on.

It would appear that I am feeling far more anti-socail now that I have seen what can happen from being social first hand. With tight lips I mutter silently to myself about the facts. And I wonder... is it finally over?

Can I finally return to the womb of my mind and start anew? Can this world let do just that?

If I were even to consider to go so far to say I would not go with anyone else anymore... I would soon be betrayed by millions of years of evolutionary strangle holds for its my own hormones that would betray me someday into forcing the lonely hand into tipping the social hat. While I understand that that may be the case for now... I feel turned away.

I feel like the sullen hole left after a mortar blast in black dirt. The smoke rises gradually but nothing is there unscorched.

I feel that even typing betrays me for the first time I'm far to keenly aware of my audience to write with a clear mind. It makes me want to make it harder to read in all the ways that I could find. Be it tactical vagueness.... Turning Tests... or even problems to solve before viewing. Ciphers and other sorts that would seem paradoxical for someone to publish items to the web then wish to make it obscured. ...I shall remind those people that non-local storage is the blessing that i utilize via this method. The readership is a mere secondary experience. ... And perhaps an experience I'm wondering whether I could do without.

11.24.2007

Nothing Left

November 24, 2007 Nothing Left

I write this as the last grains of sand fall through the night. I do not really want to look at my computer anymore. I have had enough attempting to do things and should probably begin to consider a walk through a wooded forest or a stroll on a beach with a notepad and a camera. .... I shall retire for the evening... and extract my 401k plan from dreamland.

11.23.2007

Sick

November 23, 2007 Friday Sick

I had tried to go to bed early tonight. I had spent most of the day with a throbbing headache and was starting to feel slight nausea... so I thought sleeping was better than trying to finnish my history paper. And so fell into bed hoping to sleep it all off.

But I awoke to a mysterious phone call. No message. I thought maybe it was Joy and called her to see if something was wrong. She had said the power was out at her place and perhaps she needed something. So I called. And it was not her.

I went back to bed and after I had fallen... I was awoken again by a phone call. This time I was shocked to hear whom it was.

I tried to go back to bed again but this time I could not sleep very well. So I got up and started typing. .... I suppose I'll work again on the paper so I do not wake up with such a thing over my head.


You know, I wish I could go back to that beautiful place. The place where the water meets the land and the rock... but I couldn't bring myself to go. Its a shame I don't feel I can now. I have a far sadder memory attached to such a place and I can picture myself going and just sitting on a rock .... not being able to enjoy the view.

Notes Section

Math you need for GR Immigration Skilled – Independent (Migrant) visa (subclass 175) Martin Dougiamas Perth, Western Australia

11.22.2007

Mourning Sickness

November 22, 2007 Thursday 12:30 PM Mourning Sickness

It's hard to describe that feeling of dreading when I awoke this morning. It was sort of a draining feeling of not wanting to get up or do anything despite the fact I knew I had to. And so I awoke but continued to lay. And then picked up my Hilbert Book and attempted to teach myself the math behind quantum mechanics.

Actually, I made good progress in my understanding but still was not able to shake the feelings. I try not to think about why I am so affected and instead refocus on the tasks at hand.... but every spare moments seems to hold a tinge of the remorseful melancholiness I long to get rid of someday. But in these times I can not.


Though recently my work on the new sites is exciting I find it ironic that I'm not even allowed to get as excited over it as I would have in the past had events not come to pass recently. Now, it seems more laboring without feeling over excited but maybe just a little content when I make software work out. ... What a shame.

Although, one interesting note was the wonderful fact I got to see my journal inside an SQL database and so I was able to query my own entries. This shall make other tasks much easier. And despite the amount of homework that is making the accomplishment of my tasks harder (or at least delayed) I'm not far from styling all the pages and then figuring out a distribution method for the movies via the site. I want to make sure it has a good RSS 2.0 feed with the right data to be used for Miro.

So, the only thing done so far is the installs of all the different software I will be working with to make dailysources a reality and give me more control over my own journaling. I still have not set up the digg style article submission code.... which I am still searching out a solution for. ... At this point I should probably attempt to conclude the break by settling with something simpler... something working well enough to show off at the end in order to gain more support.


....

But wait.... even after all of that..... all of the down I realize life IS far to short to continue to paralyze my emotion. I need to rise again. For it is my duty to succeed at just one simple thing... being alive and moving forward. .... So I go to sleep after this off kilter day.. hopeful. Rather than dead.

11.19.2007

Loss

November 19, 2007 Monday Loss

How as I do know just how much focus I would lose over the loss of a good friend. A friend I had looked forward to doing so much with. A friend whom cheered me up so much in the brief time that I had known her. This is truly a social disaster and I find it hard for myself to get over the loss.

I find myself with a wandering mind when I know I should be focused. I find myself feeling tired and drained of life from thinking about the loss. I find it hard to focus on my self assigned (but very important) tasks. And I find it troubling that I feel unable to work knowing that there are people whom hate me living in the world.

It wasn't always like this. I was once optimistic and alive with possibilities and it never seemed like friends were things to loss. I know now for I have been broken from my dreamy slumber and it appears that the signifier 'friend' holds a lot more weight than I ever thought.

I suppose now I will have to force myself deeper into my own work.... to escape the mess I have made of social worldly things.

11.18.2007

Being Responsible

November 18, 2007 Sunday Being Responsible

I'm sure she is fairly angry with me. I suppose that's a standard human trait. And I have a feeling she wasn't letting on to it when she left. And so I feel bad having had to do what I did. Knowing how things hurt others but feeling that to say nothing is far worse.

I know this because for my entire life I have always been 'just the friend'. Did I ever think then when given the choice I would opt to be just friends? With everyone? Have my few experiences so far lead me to believe that 'just friends' is where I always was and shall always be? Have I decided that being unattached is more important then gaining from social experience?

I believe I can understand why a lot of social things happen the way they do. I think I can understand now why Vi waited so long to tell me straight out. I had always hoped until that one day when she did. And then it was a like a sledge hammer to my heart. ... I thought I was a fellow whom didn't hurt people.

And all I can think now is how bad I feel. .... Though I swear I did the right thing. Because not talking is never the answer. Because I've heard too many stories where people change behavior hoping that the other person will 'get it' But it doesn't change the guilt I feel now.

The right thing isn't easy to do, nor does it change the way I feel right now. I feel sad, hollow, guilty and remorseful that things happen the way that they do.



If only I was always just the friend and no one cared to have me as anything more... ... well back then things were much much more simple.

Now it just hurts to think about it.
Even more so to long for it.



11.17.2007

First day of Break

November 17, 2007 First day of Break

By now I've had enough breaks with the mentality of researching what I'll do after college to finally get it. to finally bring it all together. I need to set tehse posts apart with a light blue div.

I can now pull out what and how breaks have gone in the past and rehash or explore the trends as I discuss how I'm going about this one.

Notes Section

Using verses keeping a journal. I did a review of my journal in this entry Farewell 2006 I think I'm very different from that Chris of 2006. And big ways. In a lot of ways 2007 destroyed some optimistic aspects of me. I didn't realize this next post had the whole replay reality thing. Empty Walks

11.16.2007

Code of the Chris

November 16, 2007 Code of the Chris Code of the Chris
You are compelled to arrive .5 to 1 hour early to stake out the place.

You must locate bathroom access upon arrival.

Check Locks a minimum of 2 times. (5 recommend)

Always check back for missing items upon
departure.

Memorize your day plan to enact with extreme focus.

Notes Section

I wonder if the computer will update whenever I mess with the .DS_Store .... Ballet with icons would be fun.

11.15.2007

Continued Thinking

November 15, 2007 Continued Thinking

My thought process continues as I begin to unravel all the complex ideas that ride along with transparency as it has come to be known in my rather extremely small circle of support. The discussion today, hinges on the contemplation of what materials to generate in response to the lack of understanding this topic has. Due to its anger inciting nature I prefer to have all my logic in good order before promoting the tow line.

That is I would prefer to put up some metal plating around my glass house so the stones don't destroy my restful place of living.

So I embark now upon a set of summarizations for myself over just what I should create to unveil this story. I think I must begin by refuting those whom have always told me,

"That everything sounds good in theory but probably doesn't work in real life."

And to you good sirs, you ladies and gentlemen and logic jockeys... to the Backyard Philosophers whom would contemplate this and that with out care or conclusion..
I offer the short Philosophers manifesto, Idea Matters

It provides a window into the past alterations governed by the use of theory and outlines the roles that ideas have played as ideological shifts in history began to alter the course of society. If theory and theorist don't matter than why is there a board of Economics advisers working for the government? It was only after the the stock market crash and the Great Depression that having good economic theory suddenly became important. But the fact is people had learned there lessons and were ready to listen to theory when people were made to realize their fragile well beings were at stake.

The point must be made in order to proceed with any sort of discussions about a society that is right now hypothetical but at the same time eager for discussion. The next piece will need to discuss The Vicious Right to Privacy and its deep rooted and respected place in human life. I can agree it is an important thing but while I propose the arguments for it I will challenge those whom value it with the responsibility to protect it. And I would argue that in order to protect the right you might need to rethink what that right really means. And in the end those whom will steal your privacy can not be stopped themselves without some careful watching. Hypocrisy at its finest? You be the judge but don't ever think you still have a choice as we shall find in the next piece....


The Illusion of Alone

For it is far to easy for people to give up information about themselves for short term gain without contemplating the full scope of their decisions. Your privacy might be there in opinion but not in fact as this world has had a clever way of keeping you in the dark while your information floats free being bought and sold over the market or stock piled in third party nations.
....

Notes Section

Subgroup Disadvantage If a subgroup favors and applies how disadvantaged are they from the rest? The Rule of History No more rehashing. Unequal Process With all the facts there... the power rests with how well anyone can make use of the information. Deadly Dissent Useful Mr. Anonymous Empowerment verse Detrimental Re Imagine the Story Lines The End of Cheaters The rise of Reality Stalkers of the Stalked The Jerk Ratio Perfect Study. (The End of Stats) Legislative Loop Hole Just what does present day privacy and image control allow? The Turn Over How do we get from here to there? without the police state tendency? How much is enough? Daily Decisions What policy can you adopt today? To benefit in your life? Much is based on Only then can true acceptance begin The Eyes of God In gods eyes right? See's all? Can you guess what you would be capable of? But how careful would you have to be? For everyone else has them too. Play Nice Kids. Humanity is still growing. Will it survive long enough?
My other stories are about programmers in a non stereotyped fashion. Case Study Moodle Everyone has access to the information but only some choose to use it. Social Networking Sites Why Roommates Drive you Crazy? The psychological impact of non-alone. Mandatory Peace Will countries ever get along? If it's obvious I suppose.
A legal person how far could a Corporation go without a human in control? Now that's interesting... Obama policy critique.

11.14.2007

Solidification

November 14, 2007 Wednesday Solidification

"I don't negotiate with people whom terrorize me." (Chris 11.13.2007)


I'm told that how much, and what I write is a thermometer of how well I'm doing. Though I'm sure some readers would argue for to them it seems I have a split personality over what I write and what I talk to them about on the phone. I believe they feel it is skewed towards harsher facts in text and more mellow phone conversations. But I can not be certain for I am not them.

Personally, I thought that the ability to post a movie met I was at the peek of my routine-ness for it meant I was taking care of everything and still had managed my time enough to be able to spend 3 hours working on something else. But lately, posting is difficult.. but slowly turning around.

I debate with myself over whether or not to create a movie mourning a bit for how things once were and demonstrating the seriousness of how things are now. I think it's because I'd like to post something in recognition that although it may look like things are normal they don't feel entirely that way. And any upbeat excitement I display in a movie may or may not be as genuine as it appears....
But then again, I think I'd rather wait until I could handle showing up in a movie and being the way that I look instead of looking the way I wish I could be.


As I walked about today, my mind was on fire with thought. I spent a considerable amount of the walking to and from class in a huff contemplating all the things that have happened to me as I move through this existence.
And I believe I was reaching a point of solidification for what I am to do about it all.

As it dawned on me, in my mulling, that I was doomed either way I went. The world would love to tear itself apart with me in or out of it. And I realized that its present course almost assured it. It was at that point that I decided that proposing a way out. A solution. Was far better than sitting back and letting the world destroy me without a single punch thrown on my behalf.

And so my thoughts turned towards a curious little, yet complicated notion about the best way to banish misleading information from the world. And to not stop at that, but to proceed forward and show light upon all areas of the ugliness of society where ever human begins feel they can feed in the ick of the dark.

I do feel that once revealed, those individuals whom form the grime of society will scatter like roaches.

But before that day comes... if it ever does.
I know I will take my stand and fight for it for the rest of my life.

Because I can not stand everyone getting away with everything forever.

It must end.

Notes Section

Empirical History IS the only History .. If I was president... I would.... put in a system of direct democracy for the Executive branch so that my decisions were the peoples. They could never refute the high gallop poles for they would be the ones whom decided. Talk to my Ghost. If I programmed an AI with used my journal as a semantic net I could procure a very interesting way to discuss my past life experiences. My favorite sentence from this post... But then again, I think I'd rather wait until I could handle showing up in a movie and being the way that I look instead of looking the way I wish I could be.

11.13.2007

Reluctant to Type

November 13, 2007 Tuesday 10:52 AM Reluctant to Type

It feels different now. I feel reluctant to type and many nights in a row I would miss a post. I'm told its best to get back to normal as soon as possible after traumatic events so that your doing things that are positive and constructive to place some distance in your mind.

Perhaps, the problem with me is that writing and posting seems related to the traumatic events in more than one case and it now feels hard to want to share thoughts or write with the knowledge some people read the postings. ... I had written so long ago about my excitement to have more about thoughts up and since then having been burned for doing it I have a more sober outlook towards sharing.

But I hate it all the same for no one takes the time to offer constructive criticism. They only use the means and information to their own violent ends. And for that I mourn the loss of comfortably posting for there is nothing wrong with truth. But the people whom hear it and disagree with it.

There are certain issues in my life that I will die for. Or at least die while spending my entire life trying to explore and understand their world changing aspects. I know I do not 'yet' exist in world devoid of lies or deception. And I understand hurtles, millions of miles tall stand before humanity and the promise of true freedom wrung about by the retraction of selfish and ill understand rights. But I can not begin to tell you just how much better life would be if you could only give up something you 'think' you love in order to gain The Eyes of God.

For in the end it is truth in an empirically recorded world that lives on unbiased. And for the first time in history.. humans could do it. They could someday chose light. But they seem more likely to trust the dark that comes with human modified history as it is written down on bias paper.

11.12.2007

Nov 12, 2007

November 12, 2007 Monday 9:25 AM

""While an Illinois state senator, Obama was key in getting the state's notorious death penalty laws changed, including a requirement that in most cases police interrogations involving capital crimes must be recorded"" (Barack Obama Page)
http://www.vote-smart.org/
"The US needs a country called 'Privacy' so that they can invade it." (Chris Nov. 13, 2007)

11.09.2007

Oh CIA you Kill me

November 9, 2007 Friday Oh CIA you Kill me
With luck, not literally.

I love the fact that this is on the CIA site... "The CIA is committed to protecting your privacy and will collect no personal information about you unless you choose to provide that information to us" CIA Page

I also noticed this. "Congress passed the Freedom of Information Act in 1966 and amended it in 1974 to allow the release of more national security information. Congress also passed the Privacy Act in 1974, which permits individuals to request information the U.S. Government may possess on them."
Better research that one some more.

Notes Section

Fasinating stuff. The Wiki Scanner and Virgil Griffith Wiki Scanner A way I would preferably not like to die by. Mattress A common problem indeed.

11.08.2007

After events?

November 8, 2007 After events?

This deserves an epilogue... or is it not over? Maybe it will never be over. Maybe I can not find a way to write a decent epilogue to an on going story. Though I wish I could.

As I have stated before, when events in my life become overwhelming the writing grinds to a halt. If I could just get through an entire year where I have written everyday then readers would know that I have

I look more to the journal with a sobering smile. I began so earnest and idealistic with freeing my written words. I find at times I burn myself on the caldron of reality.


And at other times? I ignore the simple fact that it is out there until roughly stirred from my

....
Alone is a feeling I have often debated. I have discussed numerous times in the past the difference between alone and lonely. I have thought over the consequences and rejoiced at various aspects of the long elusive melodrama that has transformed my entire life into a stream of text.

Conjured.. whenever those whom incur feel like it. I spend tonight at home rustling among my math papers looking for a way to pass my math midterm tomorrow. With all that has happened I have not gotten a chance to think clearly and frankly about my studies. The effects may show at the end of this semester when the reaper of grades draws its lathe ever closer.

...
You know I'm sad when I grow more poetic don't you? And I write as though talking to people because I've become more aware of those whom have read this trail of thought.

And my feelings towards that? Mixed. More mixed than they have ever been before.

Notes Section

I IMed with her... Nikol on WSJ! She's featured in this article. She's one of the creators of the Mid West Teen Sex Show. http://midwestteensexshow.com/
So I've been gone for 9 days? That's a fair about of time.

SPECIALS

Hate download time? Subscribe to the movies via Miro! And download at night while you sleep! Miro Video Player